[ SECRET POST #6908 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6908 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 05 secrets from Secret Submission Post #986.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Golden child vs. the scapegoat

[(Anonymous)]

Im so sorry for the way your family treats you and your brother. I'm sorry too that your brother can't see things from your POV and so he can't fully support you. It's painful in a different way when you know someone cares about you but they can't show up for you. I hope you don't feel responsible or at fault for this, it's not your fault at all. Your parents have failed you and I'm sorry. <3

My parents were inconsistent with the roles they applied to my siblings and me. I feel like they scapegoated whichever child was the most convenient to throw under the bus when the time called for it.
Only one of us took on the family dynamic like a life or death solo victory competition so they often got the Golden Child role by actively throwing the rest of us under the bus as often as possible. As adults the rest of us want little to do with our First Place Golden Child sibling.
Because we were all the Golden Child at various moments, it's really annoying listening to First Place whine about how awful our parents were to them.
They've never outwardly accused any one of being the Golden Child, but when they've brought up favoritism our parents showed toward others, I get the strong feeling that they honestly believe they are the one who got Scapegoated the most.
Like, even in our suffering First Place has to be the one who suffered the most.I just...sometimes I hate being the glue that holds everything together.

Re: Golden child vs. the scapegoat

[(Anonymous)]

"It's painful in a different way when you know someone cares about you but they can't show up for you."

Well said. My parents can't hurt me as much anymore because my expectations of them were lowered a long time ago. But I did expect more from my brother and it hurts that he's not there for me.

I'm so sorry to hear about your own experiences with this type of relationship. Every story I've ever heard about it sounds like it messes up peoples' relationships in sometimes unpredictable ways. Some kids grow up swearing they'd never do the same to their own kids, some kids wallow in the toxicity and never seem able to escape it.

Your comment about being the glue that holds everything together also hit home. That is a LOT of emotional labor right there, and it often goes unappreciated by the people who benefit from it.