[ SECRET POST #6945 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6945 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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[Bridgerton]


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[A Court of Thorns and Roses, Ice Planet Barbarians]



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[Of the Devil]


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 54 secrets from Secret Submission Post #992.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Tired of feeling taken for granted and never appreciated

[(Anonymous)]

Nah it's that solutions are simple but difficult to do and other people can't really help you do it.

Setting boundaries is the solution. The solution can be hard and painful to implement. It's still the solution. Sometimes the solution is impossible to reach at the current time. Still doesn't make it wrong or not the eventual goal.

It's easier to dismiss that if you pretend everyone doesn't understand and is wrong, though.

Re: Tired of feeling taken for granted and never appreciated

[(Anonymous)]

Exactly. Chances are that most people have no idea you feel taken for granted if you're always saying yes to everything because they aren't mind readers! The average person is going to assume that if they ask a friend to, IDK, help them move some furniture into their apartment and the friend says yes, said friend is fine with doing it because otherwise they would have said no or that they were busy this weekend and can't do it.

Re: Tired of feeling taken for granted and never appreciated

[(Anonymous)]

nayrt but this. I'm not saying boundaries are easy to hold, but that's the answer. It's one of those simple, but not easy solutions.

Re: Tired of feeling taken for granted and never appreciated

[(Anonymous)]

It is not. I have tried everything. I said, begged, asked, screamed, yelled, tried being kind, tried being rude, tried giving the cold shoulder. At the end of the day it's like trying my luck at the lotto. Could be the autism or the social vulnerability

Re: Tired of feeling taken for granted and never appreciated

[(Anonymous)]

...none of those things have to do with successfully setting boundaries or not, though. The only boundaries you can set are your own: it's the line where you remove yourself from the situation or refuse to participate.

If someone is forcing you physically, socially, or financially into things after you have asked, begged, screamed, and yelled at them that you refuse, you are not in a 'social pressure' situation like OP is talking about, you are in a situation where outright crimes are being committed against you. Boundaries do not solve those, but that was not the situation OP was talking about.

Re: Tired of feeling taken for granted and never appreciated

[(Anonymous)]

DA
exactly, this is abuse
and if this is a case, no amount of boundaries will help - you need escape this situation

Re: Tired of feeling taken for granted and never appreciated

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

Yeah. A healthy set of boundaries can help you avoid abuse, or prevent abusers from getting a foothold. But they won't prevent determined abusers from overrunning those boundaries because abusers don't care about laws or invading your privacy. Boundaries are obviously not going to help you from being physically attacked, financially coerced, blackmailed, etc.

However, they're very useful to act as clear lines that act as flags and show you when abuse is happening, or that those people are in fact abusing you, if they keep ignoring and breaking boundaries that you have set. When it becomes 'outright abuse' and not a 'social pressure' situation, the solution changes to 'escape the circumstances' which is unfortunately another 'simple but difficult' idea... but not the same idea.

+1

[(Anonymous)]

Saying "Sorry, I have other plans this weekend, I'm not going to be available" is setting a boundary. If you do that and they force you into it anyway (and I mean with threats or physical force, not just trying to convince you to change your plans), then that's abuse.