fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6956 ]

[ SECRET POST #6956 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6956 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

[Zenless Zone Zero / Uma Musume]

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

[Pluribus]

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 14 secrets from Secret Submission Post #993.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I think I understand what you're saying nonny. And I'm sorry.

For me, it's like...no one in my family ever showed much interest in me. I always had to be in other people's "world/bubble".

Like, I'm a full grown adult and my parents never knew and still don't know the names of my friends. They don't know what I do at my job. I wouldn't even know what they'd say if someone were to ask them to describe me.

And don't get me wrong. I know if I were super sick, locked up, or in financial trouble, my family will try their best to help.
But in reality, knowing your loved ones will show up in an emergency isn't enough to cultivate a warm and engaged relationship.

And it feels so immature, petty and needy to feel this way, but Goddamn. Sometimes...it's just hard.

My condolences, anon, but you're not alone. It's a really common dynamic in families. My family would (probably) have my back in an emergency, but I'd try my damndest not to rely upon them. My parents love me, but they don't really see me as a person, or as an individual who's not merely a clone of themselves. It's sad and frankly, weird. But they've been like that my whole life. The reason we're not close is that they've never been able to wrap their heads around the idea that I have different opinions, different likes/dislikes, different goals so every time I did something that wasn't in lock-step (such as style my hair in a way they didn't like) they viewed it as a rebellion/personal attack.

The best they've been able to do is shrug and act like I've gone rogue by growing up and having my own life. They're also not very interested in that life because it's not the one they chose for me.

AYRT

I definitely have a similar experience with my family. It's not malicious, this distance/lack of closeness, but I know I'm more of a cardboard cutout to my family than a real person. So I show up as the cardboard they need.
It's just painful sometimes having to be the cardboard cutout, and I don't begrudge anyone for needing to vent about their own family. I really identified with the guilt of feeling relieved when they pass one day.
I know I will be really sad when they die one day (my mom especially), but at the same time, there's a sense of freedom I'm aware I will gain. I won't have to be the cardboard cutout anymore. But it comes at the cost of no longer having people I love around, hence the guilt lmao

Yes, you get it. People who don't have (or don't notice) complicated family dynamics often don't understand. Grief is already such a nuanced, complex process when you lose someone you love. When you lose someone you love, but who also caused you a great deal of pain and didn't treat you well, that's even more complicated and you feel all sorts of conflicting emotions that it's difficult to talk about because you get shamed for it.

My parents had a lot of expectations of how I'd turn out that didn't end up coming true, and they've really struggled to let go of those expectations. Trying to control me is part of that, and physical distance helps a lot. They've been able to reach some hard-won level of peace that probably doesn't look very peaceful to outsiders, simply because they cannot monitor what I do 24/7, criticize it, or pressure me to do what they want. That's my boundary, and it's helped our relationship a lot even if they don't realize it. All the patient talking and communication couldn't accomplish what me moving out of the house did.

Still, it's a lot of work and it's tiring. I envy people who don't have to work so hard to manage their family relationships. But some people who aren't familiar with this lack frequently the empathy needed to understand those who are.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #6956 ]

Re: When you love your relatives, but you don't LIKE your relatives...

Re: When you love your relatives, but you don't LIKE your relatives...

Re: When you love your relatives, but you don't LIKE your relatives...

Re: When you love your relatives, but you don't LIKE your relatives...