[ SECRET POST #6981 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6981 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 31 secrets from Secret Submission Post #997.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

01. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/1ea975e0dfde.png

Transcript by OP

[fscom]

I feel really bitter how my former online friend group went from being hardcore antis who obsessively called people out, to more "neutral" now.

I'm glad their opinions changed, but the herd mentality is why I don't feel comfortable talking to them anymore. I had to pretend to be an anti for years because I was terrified of getting doxxed or told that I deserved my trauma, and now they arbitrarily stopped caring about discourse.

Better late than never, but the scars of being too scared to express my opinions are still there.

Re: Transcript by OP

[(Anonymous)]

By antis do you mean antishipping? Or just. morally decent.

Re: Transcript by OP

[(Anonymous)]

Morally decent? You mean those dipshits who pat themselves on the back for defending the honor of a fictional character while doxxing and violently harassing real life people for daring to play in their own sandbox?

Re: Transcript by OP

[(Anonymous)]

You read that whole thing and you're asking if OP means "anti as in morally decent"?

[(Anonymous)]

I mean this genuinely when I say: I'm sorry, anon, that you felt forced to remain with a toxic friend group you didn't feel comfortable with.

[(Anonymous)]

Plot twist: OP's friend was also pretending to be anti for years.

In all seriousness, yeah, even without that fear of being doxxed, sometimes a person changing position after so long feels a bit "too little, too late."

[(Anonymous)]

Oof... going to be super honest here, I know what it's like to be on both sides of such a situation.

I'm sorry you had friends like that Secret OP. I hope you have friends who you can be comfortable with now who you don't feel a need to be performative with, and you don't owe your old friends pleasantries if you don't want to associate with them.

I recognize that in my teens and a good amount of my 20s feeling like my opinions were the right opinion. I'd argue my point to people, determined to prove my point. I felt like I was correct because my intentions were altruistic.
However, the older I got and being exposed to more of the world, I began to understand that the world is complex and good intentions may feel altruistic, but that alone is not enough to do good in the world. Nor does it mean good intentions equate to a better world. Atrocities have occurred as a result of good intentions. And having an "I"m the smartest person in the room" energy is off-putting. It made me feel terrible and embarrassed for having been such an unaware ass.

I try my best to listen to people speak their mind and try not to judge. Instead try to understand.
But I know that the ways I behave now don't excuse the defensive and judgmental ways I treated friends and fellow fandom members in the past.
I also recognize it's not my job to try to educate people of their ignorance (though if they ask I might be inclined to help where I can).

Like, to anyone who needs to hear it, don't be too hard on yourself. You deserve to feel like you are safe enough to express your opinions. And please be mindful of performative political action, especially in fandom.

[(Anonymous)]

That is such a good way to put it, good job nonny...and sorry if you had to struggle with some feelings along the way, but that's how we grow as people.

A lot of us did dumb things when we were young and dumb, it's the 40+ year olds still doing dumb teenager things with no self-awareness that are truly a problem. But the anonymity of the internet is still enough to obfuscate who's a dumb teenager and who should really know better by now.

[(Anonymous)]

That's... complicated. I'm sorry that you went through that, and you've been able to leave that relationship, even if it's only because they've become more accommodating. Something I'm also glad about.

[dani_phantasma]

honestly this is why i feel like hardcore antis must be such toxic unpleasant friends. It's bad enough (especially when you're a recovering people pleaser) worrying about your friend's disapproval on a personal level. but also being afraid they'd post your real name and address online if they disapprove bad enough is just the kinda thing that causes trust issues.

I feel like its fair to say that if your friend gives you cause to be like AFRAID of their reaction to a thing you like or a ship..esp like afraid for your SAFETY or mental health) they aint a very good friend...

[feotakahari]

The relevant phrase is “circular firing squad.” Sometimes groups of really SJ-oriented trans women end up like this too.

[dani_phantasma]

ahh yikes.

That just seems so nerve wracking to think about. I had a brief encounter with knowing an anti and their friend group irl and admittedly it kinda mentally messed my brain up for a bit. and i was in my late twenties to just being thirty

[(Anonymous)]

Um doxxing someone over a fandom opinion is literally unhinged. Like if you even suspect that someone you (OP or whoever's reading this) know MIGHT doxx you over fandom shit you need to get the fuck away from them.

"This doesn't apply if they're shipping x kind of ships/proships -"

Yes it fucking does. If they're talking about relationships with fictional characters that doesn't call for plastering their real name online.

It blows me away that people think doxxing is called for over shit like that. If you really think they're a danger to any actual person theres tiplines. Though if your reason is their fictional ships you're probably wasting their time and should just shut up altogether.

SA

[(Anonymous)]

Ugh sorry i made it a rant but I'm sick of how often i see on social media some person states a general common sense "dont do this over ships" and some dumbass comes in like "this doesn't apply of its bad/problematic or a proship".

And like actually yes it does. Don't doxx people over fandom, don't report/threaten/SWAT people over opinions about fictional characters. Don't endanger people's lives over opinions about fiction"

[(Anonymous)]

Some of you give online randoms way too much power over your lives holy shit. Get a grip.

[(Anonymous)]

No, I'd say shitty systems give shitty people too much power over the lives of other people who are just trying to have harmless fun.

If you dox people over a fictional ship, you should face legal and social consequences, and be sent to therapy until you find out why are you like this.

[(Anonymous)]

"get a grip"

Imagine being so above it all that the possibility of having personal information you entrusted someone with being leaked to randos online is something thats silly to 'let yourself get upset about'.

[(Anonymous)]

When I was young, online fandoms were one of the few communities I participated in. It's hard to leave places or find new friends when you feel like you don't have a lot of options socially.