[ SECRET POST #6995 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6995 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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[Sohla El-Waylly]



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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 36 secrets from Secret Submission Post #999.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

DA
I can relate a lot to what you said. I'm a people pleaser, working on it. And it affects my personal life more than my professional, but overall, I feel like I have to work hard on knowing when to say no or establish boundaries in many aspects of my life.
Something that fucked with my sense of self advocacy/establishing boundaries was when I tried to do that with a friend, it blew up in my face. That friend did exactly what I feared would happen. They got mad at me, flipped things around where I had to apologize and really I'm the bad guy, and when I didn't want to talk about it anymore because the confrontation turned into a thing where I'm the one who can do no right and I should feel bad, not my friend, my friend insisted we had to keep talking about it because now their feelings are hurt they need to make it clear that I'm no saint and all the negativity was on me to manage, not them, and it came with a "sorry you feel that way but not my problem or responsibility, how dare you" lecture.
I felt like I was being punished for daring to ask to have my feelings acknowledged. Like, who cares that my feelings were hurt? I did something that made me deserve it anyway, so how dare I tell my friend when she was dismissive with me it hurt my feelings.
Thankfully, there were people who I thought would laugh in my face or get angry with me when I'd confronted them, and they apologized and asked/talked to me how they can do better or worked with me on establishing boundaries that worked for all parties involved.
Those situations reminded me that not everyone will turn my issues into something that I should be ashamed of sharing with others, that there are people out there who do care about my feelings enough to hear me out.

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

"Something that fucked with my sense of self advocacy/establishing boundaries was when I tried to do that with a friend, it blew up in my face. That friend did exactly what I feared would happen. They got mad at me, flipped things around where I had to apologize and really I'm the bad guy, and when I didn't want to talk about it anymore because the confrontation turned into a thing where I'm the one who can do no right and I should feel bad"

I had this exact same thing happen to me. My former best friend just needed/wanted A LOT of together time, like talking on the phone daily and hanging out in person multiple times per week. This is TOO MUCH for me. But it would hurt her feelings when I said no. I remember one time in particular, a new game I really wanted to play was coming out, and I was honest and told her that I didn't want to hang out that weekend because of this game. And she got so mad about it, and told her room mate and they both made fun of me. That taught me that it's better to lie and make up excuses vs being honest with her, because she didn't respect my boundaries, or me as a person in general. That incident was really representative of our friendship as a whole. She is no longer in my life at all, and I am so much happier now.