fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #7015 ]

[ SECRET POST #7015 ]

⌈ Secret Post #7015 ⌋

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[BG3 and other RPGs]

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Around what age or maturity level or stage of life or whatever else do you think the divide between 'boy' and 'man' lies?

Bonus points: is it different from the divide between 'girl' and 'woman'?

Extra bonus points: if a male character isn't 'a boy' but not quite 'a man', he's usually 'a guy'. What's the female character equivalent for that to you?

Somewhere between 22 and 25 for both. Basically, college has ended, they really are out into the adult world.

Building on the comment above, I'd say it's very much dependent on being "out in the adult world".

Young men who immediately move back home after college (or who never moved out in the first place and continue to live at home afterwards) are going to lack world experience for much longer, and thus hold on to that immaturity and youth, remaining 'boys' way beyond the point they should have aged up into 'man'.

(Obviously this is true of young women as well, but the social stigma of "girls being expected to cook/clean/do their own dishes/laundry/whatever while boys are sheltered and protected and choreless" is absolutely a thing, and does impact.)

It depends on the character. Is their role subordinate or boyish like Robin in Batman? Do they seem naive/sheltered?

You could have a whole ass Band of Brothers and it would depend on each individual guy.

For me it's a... realistic sense of security? Not quite sure how to put it. Not to do with age but self-awareness of what you are able to do, accomplish, and are worth, and the ability to take care of yourself, extreme circumstances aside. That doesn't mean total self-reliance, more like a willingness to do what has to be done when no one can or will do it for you. And the awareness and experience that at some points, no one will.

For example a male character that lives with his parents could be a big spoiled nepo baby boy whose parents clean up after him 24/7 and can't do anything without daddy and mommy's help. Or he could be a man who takes on his share of household duties and looks after his parents because they're a close-knit family, not because he needs them. If Mom still does the laundry, that doesn't mean he can't or won't, it means the chores were talked about and agreed to be split that way between the adults in the house. Doesn't matter if he's 18, 28, 38, 48...

In general, I refer to people who are 20 years old as men/women. I figure at that point you're roughly a quarter of the way through your life if you have a life expectancy of 80 years old, you're an adult even if you don't really feel like it.

Maturity-wise it of course varies dramatically from person to person. Some people still seem as helpless as toddlers when they're in their 50s. And I have met teenagers who knew what they wanted to do with their lives, and went out and did exactly what they said they were going to do.

I think there is more baggage associated with "girl" vs "woman" because society tends to value women first and foremost based on how attractive they are, so sometimes women will want to cling to the youth associated with "girl" for as long as they can, vs feeling "old" if they refer to themselves as a woman. You're just almost never going to see a 25-year-old male human referred to as a boy, unless someone is deliberately trying to belittle themselves. But it's common to see 25-year-old female humans called girls, or calling themselves girls. Men don't have the same negative reaction from society as they get older, so it's not nearly as common for a 25-year-old male to call himself a boy.

And of course, complicating things, we have words like guy and dude for men, but not really an equivalent for women. I've seen guy used for infants all the way up to men who are maybe elderly. There's "chick" and "lady" but those aren't really used in the same way.

The interesting thing is both grown men and grown women DO call themselves boys/girls but only in the plural. Having a night out with the girls. Going drinking with the boys. We got this, girls!! Let's fucking go, boys!!

I also wonder, given the examples you cited, if that's when a group is doing something that feels, well, adolescent.

I've heard the latter two used in workplace contexts to celebrate successes and such, so I don't think that's necessarily the case

I feel like it's actually situational. There are young adults who are boys or girls most of the time, but then men or women on occasion. There are adults in their 30s and 40s who are men and women most of the time, but boys and girls on occasion. When you get together with your friends, you might hang with your boys or have a girls' night out. It's based on behavior, perspective, and environment.

Yes. My dad was boyish right up to his death at 80 (seriously, even in his 60s and 70s some of the neighbors' kids would ask if "Mickey" could come over like it was a playdate!) but when it came to serious issues (Mom having trouble with physical therapy after an injury or suchlike) he put aside childish things, as the saying goes.

Mom, for her part, notes that sometimes even now she still feels like an insouciant twentysomething and it's only a good look in a mirror or a realization of physical limitations like tiring more quickly that sets her straight. She'll be 82 this year. Also, like Dad, she knew when you have to step up for serious adult stuff.

IME girls start to approach adult mentality around 21-22. Boys lag behind about 3-4 years. Obviously there are exceptions.

Completely situational. I've known 19-year-olds who were living on their own, taking classes and supporting themselves, and I've known 40-somethings who were still living in their parents' basement and who had never worked any job past 'Walmart cashier.'

Even in the latter situation I wouldn't call that necessarily immature unless it's clear mom and dad are doing everything for them. Maybe cashier is the only thing available in their small town, maybe the local housing is super expensive, maybe they have a disability, maybe the parents have a disability or are elderly and need care, etc etc. If they're an equal and contributing member of the household, doing what they can, and taking care of themselves, nothing says they're childish.

People like to joke about parents' basements and adult babies but imo adult baby is a mentality, not a situation.

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[ SECRET POST #7015 ]

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