fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #7015 ]

[ SECRET POST #7015 ]

⌈ Secret Post #7015 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[BG3 and other RPGs]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 37 secrets from Secret Submission Post #1002.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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General comments:

(If the thread contains spoilery/triggery content please warn/post as 2nd comment so it collapses!
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Around what age or maturity level or stage of life or whatever else do you think the divide between 'boy' and 'man' lies?

Bonus points: is it different from the divide between 'girl' and 'woman'?

Extra bonus points: if a male character isn't 'a boy' but not quite 'a man', he's usually 'a guy'. What's the female character equivalent for that to you?

Somewhere between 22 and 25 for both. Basically, college has ended, they really are out into the adult world.

Building on the comment above, I'd say it's very much dependent on being "out in the adult world".

Young men who immediately move back home after college (or who never moved out in the first place and continue to live at home afterwards) are going to lack world experience for much longer, and thus hold on to that immaturity and youth, remaining 'boys' way beyond the point they should have aged up into 'man'.

(Obviously this is true of young women as well, but the social stigma of "girls being expected to cook/clean/do their own dishes/laundry/whatever while boys are sheltered and protected and choreless" is absolutely a thing, and does impact.)

It depends on the character. Is their role subordinate or boyish like Robin in Batman? Do they seem naive/sheltered?

You could have a whole ass Band of Brothers and it would depend on each individual guy.

For me it's a... realistic sense of security? Not quite sure how to put it. Not to do with age but self-awareness of what you are able to do, accomplish, and are worth, and the ability to take care of yourself, extreme circumstances aside. That doesn't mean total self-reliance, more like a willingness to do what has to be done when no one can or will do it for you. And the awareness and experience that at some points, no one will.

For example a male character that lives with his parents could be a big spoiled nepo baby boy whose parents clean up after him 24/7 and can't do anything without daddy and mommy's help. Or he could be a man who takes on his share of household duties and looks after his parents because they're a close-knit family, not because he needs them. If Mom still does the laundry, that doesn't mean he can't or won't, it means the chores were talked about and agreed to be split that way between the adults in the house. Doesn't matter if he's 18, 28, 38, 48...

In general, I refer to people who are 20 years old as men/women. I figure at that point you're roughly a quarter of the way through your life if you have a life expectancy of 80 years old, you're an adult even if you don't really feel like it.

Maturity-wise it of course varies dramatically from person to person. Some people still seem as helpless as toddlers when they're in their 50s. And I have met teenagers who knew what they wanted to do with their lives, and went out and did exactly what they said they were going to do.

I think there is more baggage associated with "girl" vs "woman" because society tends to value women first and foremost based on how attractive they are, so sometimes women will want to cling to the youth associated with "girl" for as long as they can, vs feeling "old" if they refer to themselves as a woman. You're just almost never going to see a 25-year-old male human referred to as a boy, unless someone is deliberately trying to belittle themselves. But it's common to see 25-year-old female humans called girls, or calling themselves girls. Men don't have the same negative reaction from society as they get older, so it's not nearly as common for a 25-year-old male to call himself a boy.

And of course, complicating things, we have words like guy and dude for men, but not really an equivalent for women. I've seen guy used for infants all the way up to men who are maybe elderly. There's "chick" and "lady" but those aren't really used in the same way.

Re: Inspired by 6

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-21 20:35 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Inspired by 6

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-21 22:19 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Inspired by 6

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-21 23:08 (UTC) - Expand

I feel like it's actually situational. There are young adults who are boys or girls most of the time, but then men or women on occasion. There are adults in their 30s and 40s who are men and women most of the time, but boys and girls on occasion. When you get together with your friends, you might hang with your boys or have a girls' night out. It's based on behavior, perspective, and environment.

Re: Inspired by 6

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-21 22:23 (UTC) - Expand

IME girls start to approach adult mentality around 21-22. Boys lag behind about 3-4 years. Obviously there are exceptions.

Completely situational. I've known 19-year-olds who were living on their own, taking classes and supporting themselves, and I've known 40-somethings who were still living in their parents' basement and who had never worked any job past 'Walmart cashier.'

Re: Inspired by 6

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-22 00:55 (UTC) - Expand

It'll be monitored until Monday's FS post goes up. You can leave your comment secrets here:

https://fandomsecrets.dreamwidth.org/3377356.html?thread=1154176204#cmt1154176204

Have a good weekend!

a secret maker

Related to the above discussions, what terms do you personally use for yourself or want to have others use for you?

Any terms that make you particularly euphoric or particularly uncomfortable when you hear them? (Bonus points for speculating one why you like or don’t like those terms.)

I would like to not be perceived.

Re: What do you like to be called with respect to age and gender?

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-21 22:29 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What do you like to be called with respect to age and gender?

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-21 22:43 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What do you like to be called with respect to age and gender?

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-21 23:15 (UTC) - Expand

As mentioned in the thread for the last secret I'm in a weird position where i like it when other people refer to me/treat me as adult, for the most part, ("ma'am" still feels weird/a bit much) but i think of myself in my head as a "girl". It frustrates me a lot.

Also teeeechnically gender wise I'm kinda on the fence of being non-binary but I'm fine with feminine terminology/pronouns.

'some guy' by default is preferred

while it does not exactly make me euphoric OR dysphoric I also dress/present fairly androgynously on purpose and it is very funny to me (maybe in a slightly sadistic way) when I see people actively bluescreen about what pronouns or terms of respect (e.g. sir, ma'am, man, miss) to use.

but TBH actual identity is 'some guy' as opposed to 'an guy' which is more active/assertive. I get more actively weirdered out over people assuming or referring to me as if I am any particular TYPE of man (straight guy, queer guy, young guy, older guy); even if it's not technically inaccurate it feels like someone introducing a person as 'here's Jane, a woman with a Bachelor's in Math' at like a casual non-math related meetup. Sure she has one, but it shouldn't be relevant to actual personal identity at all and it's weird if it were.

Past the age of 18, I didn't like to be referred to as a "girl" unless it was a friendly sort of affectionate thing from another woman. I wouldn't like it from men, especially older men.

This is something I haven’t really thought about in a long time. I think all terms really depend on the person and tone, or at least intent. For me, no one has called me anything but a woman for about 30 years and I can’t remember ever having any strong thoughts or feelings about it. Except my husband who often calls me dude, a habit he picked up from me :D

I guess I'm fine with "ma'am." "Miss" seems odd to me now especially since I'm starting to go grey. Because of my dress, hairstyle and (lack of) makeup I sometimes get "Sir", which doesn't bother me especially unless someone gets angry at *me* for their mistake. (I do try and let the folks who get seriously flustered know that it's okay-- an honest mistake, and they're not the first folks who've done it nor will they necessarily be the last!)

I don't think I have a problem with any specific label itself, it just depends under which circumstances it is being used.

If you are a friend and we're joking around, bitch is fine, but any other time, that's a no.

If you're trying to get my attention or trying to be helpful, a polite ma'am is cool; if you're being snotty or snide, though I probably won't say anything, I will not be happy with you.

Girl is fine, unless you are trying to make me seem like less than I am.

Woman is also fine, unless it's in a scoffing or stereotyping way.

Female can be a bit jarring, unless it's for a specific technical purpose, like something medical.

Lady is okay, just not something I hear that often.

Miss and Ms are fine.

Not sure about broad, but honestly, I've only ever heard older women using it to describe themselves.

Not fond of gal, but not because of the meaning, just because I don't like the way the word sounds.

Woman or lady, I guess. I've never felt like a grown ass adult but "girl" would just be ridiculous (unless, like another nonny pointed out, it was familial/friendly and not meant to demean). I've received all types of terms I am not but I shrug it off and correct it where necessary and safe.

I force myself not to care since people just see a woman and I absolutely don't have the energy to correct anyone that I'm non-binary with a preferred pronoun.

Re: What do you like to be called with respect to age and gender?

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-21 23:16 (UTC) - Expand

My coworkers know I'm nonbinary but still default to she/her since I present as female, which is fine.

There's one whose mother I used to work with back in 2019. When she asked me if I was still nonbinary I said YES she/they is fine she immediately used it in conversation.

Anything and/or it depends. I prefer people label as they wish. It's a good measure of how successfully or unsuccessfully I'm presenting a certain way and it's fun to play with presentation.

Ofc the presentations don't always match my identity, but "what do you identify as" wasn't the question.