[ SECRET POST #7022 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #7022 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 35 secrets from Secret Submission Post #1003.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Pet peeves!

[(Anonymous)]

Mine is specific and probably a little weird.

I frequently see some form of this advice posted online:

If you meet someone new and want to find out what kind of person they are, go out to eat with them, go to stores with them, and see how they treat the waiter and the cashiers. If they are rude to them, you know they're an asshole, but if they're nice, you've found yourself a Good Human Being.

Now, the first part of that, I don't disagree with. If you go out to dinner with someone and they treat the server like shit, yeah, chances are they're an asshole.

But the other part IS NOT ALWAYS TRUE. My ex was abusive to me, and treated his family like shit, but he was flawlessly polite to service and retail workers. He was helpful and generous and so great to his friends, he was kind to his acquaintances, coworkers, neighbors, etc. But when he felt the most comfortable with you - his romantic partner, his family - THAT is when you get to see the person he really is.

And seeing this advice passed everywhere and praised and upvoted and awarded and shared just makes me a little bit crazy. Again, I totally agree that being rude to service workers is the mark of a horrible person, but being nice to them isn't a guarantee of goodness. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors. How often does it come out that someone is a sex offender or a murderer and all their coworkers and neighbors go "Oh I had no idea! I can't believe it! He was such a great person!"

Yeah, you didn't really know him.

Being nice to retail workers is a green flag, but it's not a guarantee. Share the first part, but leave off the second part.

Re: Pet peeves!

[(Anonymous)]

Agreed. Unfortunately I share blood with people who acted like your ex. Everybody else thought they were just the most wonderful person ever, but up close they were the world's biggest asshole who only pretended they weren't in public because appearances were sooo much more important than treating loved ones like you actually love them.

Re: Pet peeves!

[iff_and_xor]

To get pretty geeky about it, I wonder if this is part of a larger tendency people have, wanting tests to be more conclusive than they really are.

In medical statistics, they talk about false positives and false negatives (or specificity vs sensitivity). While in a perfect world, important tests would be excellent at both sides of the equation, in reality, the principle is generally that you can only minimize one of them at a time.

In this case, you’ve got very few false positives: people who test positive (by being a dick to service workers) are almost certainly assholes. But there are probably plenty of false negatives: people who don’t show up as assholes on the test, but are still actually assholes in some other context.

In a medical context, you could consider a test like that to be a first stage of screening. It’ll catch a good number of cases, but you have to follow up with more testing on people who “pass” the first round (especially if they have other risk factors).