[ SECRET POST #7023 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #7023 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 30 secrets from Secret Submission Post #1003.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

A related pet peeve

[iff_and_xor]

I get stupidly annoyed at the ambiguity of people saying “I don’t understand _”.

Because sometimes they mean they genuinely don’t understand and they’d like it explained. But sometimes they mean that they do intellectually understand it (or would, if they spent a minute thinking about it), but they just find it frustrating.

I did finally grow up enough to realize that it’s safer to automatically treat those comments as complaints rather than actual expressions of curiosity. But my natural instinct is still to try and give an answer, I just know enough to hold my tongue now.

Re: A related pet peeve

[(Anonymous)]

That makes me sad, because when I don't understand I say I don't understand. It's not a complaint, I'm genuinely seeking info... :(

Re: A related pet peeve

[iff_and_xor]

Yes, me too! But in my experience, we’re in the minority.

To be fair, tone of voice and the following sentences usually make it much less ambiguous. It’s not as if I never give explanations, I just wait until I can be more confident it’s a genuine desire for information.

Re: A related pet peeve

[(Anonymous)]

I don't mind just running roughshod and infodumping on people. If they didn't actually want to know, they shouldn't have asked. People at my office quickly stopped asking what I thought of their new hair cut. :D

Re: A related pet peeve

[(Anonymous)]

NA - Yep, don't say "I don't understand" if you don't want me to explain it to you. Because either you genuinely don't understand, in which case I'm glad I can help, or you do understand and you're just being judgey, in which here is why your judginess is misplaced.

Now if someone just comes out and says, "I'm annoyed by X," then sure, cool, totally valid, no arguement from me.

Re: A related pet peeve

[iff_and_xor]

I guess I just don’t enjoy explaining things to people who emphatically don’t want to hear what I have to say.

Re: A related pet peeve

[(Anonymous)]

That's an excellent way to handle it.

Re: A related pet peeve

[(Anonymous)]

Yes, depending on the topic, it can simply be a complaint. Going forward, I'm making mental note to specify which "understand" I'm referring to (or just rephrase it clearly as a complaint), because it does go both ways, and I have received unwanted responses (though perhaps well-meaning) attempting to explain things to me.

Re: A related pet peeve

[iff_and_xor]

Yeah, that’s part of my frustration, that there’s a real ambiguity in English between “understand (intellectually)” and “understand (emotionally)”.

I liked the word “grok” for that second meaning, but I think it’s fallen out of popularity. Maybe partially because of its use by Elon Musk and his ilk.

Re: A related pet peeve

[(Anonymous)]

Reminds me of the secret from yesterday not getting why people care if a fandom random judges them for shipping something.

Tbh I don't get it either. Me staring that is not denying it happens or complaining about it though. Just remarking on a bit of psychology that is alien to me. And since it's an emotional thing vs. a logical thing I probably will never understand it even if you explain it to me because I just don't react like that to random I Judge Yous.

Sometimes remarks are just remarks.