fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #7042 ]

⌈ Secret Post #7042 ⌋

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Content warning type secrets today!

01. [WARNING for discussion of JKR/transphobia]

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02. [WARNING for discussion of ableism]

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03. [WARNING for discussion of JKR/transphobia]

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04. [WARNING for discussion of dub/non-con]

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05. [WARNING for discussion of JKR/transphobia]

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06. [WARNING for discussion of pedophilia/CSA]

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I've pretty much always not wanted kids.

I'm a woman, and when I was young, it seemed like a stereotype that WOMEN were the ones who wanted kids, and it was just something men had to put up with if they wanted to get married. And they probably had to get married to get regular sex (marriage was also portrayed as something women wanted and men tolerated because they had to).

Now I constantly see men saying they want kids, and as MANY kids as possible. Usually it's to shame older women or women focusing on their career or education - I've seen men talk about how a woman who got a doctorate could have had four kids in those years. I've seen men say that any man who would be a good husband and father would want AT LEAST three kids.

And they often use the earlier stereotype to attack women. They insist that a woman can't be happy if she's not a married mom. Your whole life is men, then your husband and kids... but eventually you won't be attractive anymore so you'd better have kids if you want a life because kids/grandkids are the only meaningful thing you can have in life if men aren't attracted to you.

But the news tells me that not everyone likes being a parent. How many Casey Anthonys, Christopher Watts, and Travis Deckers do we have to hear about before people realize not every man or woman is fit to be a parent or will like being a parent?

I honestly just don't see why I would want to bring kids into this world. And I'd worry about being stuck with all the childcare myself. There are so many risks and downsides.

In the first part you're talking about a stereotype and in the second you're talking about what real men say. In small talk and on comedy TV of slightly earlier times, it was a joke that men didn't really want marriage or kids, but that's not a good indicator of whether or not it was true. With the internet, it's easier to see more real people's feelings we wouldn't have had the opportunity to hear back in the days of "I hate my wife and my kids are a burden" jokes. So what I mean is, I'm not sure there's as big a cultural shift in what men and women want as there is a shift in how we get that information.

I find that men who are constantly thinking about random other women who are not their wife/gf/whatever having children are also really likely to believe in weirdo racist theories like white people dying out and needing white babies.

I get shat on for choosing not to have kids by people who aren't white though.

Cool, so do I. My parents, my grandparents, nosy neighbors/coworkers and random parents - usually moms, but sometimes dads - who have made being a parent their entire lives love to insist kids are wonderful and I'll change my mind, so on and so forth.

My statement about my experiences involving a particular subset of men who make extremely specific comments about random childfree women is still true, though.

Yeeeeah, that's the real motivation. And "women takin' our jerbs!" even though we whorish girlbosses all supposedly have fake email jobs and not real jobs like plumbing or being roughnecks on oil rigs like a manly man.

It's part misogyny and something to pick on women for, and often part racist replacement theory because white women are supposed to have a passel of kids to outnumber those brown people that might vote Democrat.

It's a white supremacist manosphere way of wanting there to be more white kids than any other kids of colour.

I saw a good comment somewhere that a lot of these guys want kids 'the way a kid wants a puppy.' They want to have three to four kids but they want the woman to do all the child-rearing while nothing about their own lives really changes at all.

This. It's pretty easy for men to say they want a bunch of kids when their female partners will be taking on the majority of the health risk with diminished medical support (in the U.S.), their careers will be put on hold or ended altogether, and more often than not, they'll be stuck doing the majority of the childcare AND housework.

AFAB here with no desire to have children.

My reasons are mostly out of how deeply I fear i wouldn't be able to handle it for emotional/mental health reasons and that the scariest thing to me- even scarier than childbirth itself is the idea I and my emotional/mental dysfunction and issues would give someone lasting trauma. It can happen without meaning too and it's something i could never take back.

I cannot do that. I can trust myself in charge of a vulnerable human life. No.

Yeah, I'm too anxious to have kids and secondly, I would be horribly resentful if they fucked up my life more than usual. My cousin's son has a mental disability and isn't fully potty-trained at age 29 and is verbally disruptive during all waking hours. I just could not handle that, there are pitiful resources to help if that happened, and even if I technically could handle it, I do not want to.

Sometimes I sit in train with a happy chattering child couple of rows away. And just calmly think that I would have dropped child out the window if I've listened for more than couple of hours of this excited high-pitched sound. That is just extremely scary thought. And it's not like I can do something with my misophonia. I can manage it, but I can't make it go away.

(Ironically I am okay with child crying. Yeaaaaah)

"Now I constantly see..." bullshit manosphere tradwife bullshit. What you're seeing is not what actual feeling, thinking human beings want. The narrative you're quoting is 100000% Tate brothers toxic manosphere crap meant to slam down women for existing. I don't know where, specifically, you're "seeing" this but get away from it, because it's poisoning the minds of young men and you'll be collateral damage if you engage with it in any sort of good faith. At best, it's a grift meant to make money from gullible rubes willing to pay for courses in being an alpha male, by pretenders who may not believe a word that comes out of their own mouth. At worst, they do believe it and also in replacement theory and every terrible, awful, fascist nonsense that will fuel their utter hatred of women and themselves.

Just get out. Back away. Find better places to see casual society and culture news.

[ SECRET POST #7042 ]

Having kids (and gender)

Re: Having kids (and gender)

Re: Having kids (and gender)

Re: Having kids (and gender)

Re: Having kids (and gender)

Re: Having kids (and gender)

Re: Having kids (and gender)

Re: Having kids (and gender)

Re: Having kids (and gender)

Re: Having kids (and gender)

Re: Having kids (and gender)

Re: Having kids (and gender)

Re: Having kids (and gender)