fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1522 ]

[ SECRET POST #1522 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1522 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Digimon 02]

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32. [personal attack]

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

35. [SPOILER WARNING for Gnomeo and Juliette]

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36. [SPOILER WARNING for Pokemon HGSS]

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37. [SPOILER WARNING for Gunerkrigg Court]

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38. [SPOILER WARNING for Misfits]

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39. [SPOILER WARNING for Deadly Premonition]

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40. [SPOILER WARNING for Voyage of the Dawn Treader]

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41. [SPOILER WARNING for Durarara! Light Novels]

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42. [SPOILER WARNING for the Social Network]

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43. [SPOILER WARNING for Ctrl Alt Del]

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44. [SPOILER WARNING for Transformers]

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45. [SPOILER WARNING for Kingdom Hearts BBS]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

46. [TRIGGER WARNING for incest]

[Jeepers Creepers]

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47. [TRIGGER WARNING for rape]

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48. [TRIGGER WARNING for rape, torture, et cetera]

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49. [TRIGGER WARNING for self-harm/ED]

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50. [TRIGGER WARNING for rape]

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51. [TRIGGER WARNING for rape]

[Fallout NV]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #217.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - hit/ship/spiration ], [ 1 - personal attack ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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I guess I'm glad that you've never experienced any great tragedy in your life then, OP. People who say "yeah, I've had someone close to me die but I wasn't all that sad about it" obviously haven't had someone THAT close to them die. If you're counting an uncle or a grandparent or something, please, just stop. When your mother or sister or best friend of 15+ years dies and you don't shed a tear or give it a second thought, then we can talk about how you're right and you probably are suffering from psychopathy, but until then, just stfu please. You sound really, really ignorant.

Ehm, how do you get to decide what is "close to you". I bawled my eyes out for my grandparents. OP might have a type of autism, or something else. People are wired differently.

Possible, but unlikely. If OP really lacked any kind of empathy I doubt they'd care enough to make secrets on f!s about how they're so ashamed of relating to a character on that level.

I strongly doubt that they've lost anyone they love who plays a major everyday role in their life. You can't be faulted for not grieving over someone you don't have an emotional connection with, and OP seems to think they're some kind of oddity for being normal.

You're right, I don't know how close they are to their grandparents, but my intent was more 'please don't judge your reaction to death based on your reaction to the death of some distance relative you only see at holidays'.

I thought I was a cold-hearted emotionless thing because death never seemed to effect me, but then my baby sister died a few years ago and I lost it. It took me months to stop grieving, stop feeling like there was a big hole in my chest whenever I thought of her. You can't say that you're emotionless based on victims of natural disasters the way OP seems to be.

I'm sorry for your baby sister, anon :( *hugs*

I think lacking empathy and not getting sad about death are separate things. I have plenty of empathy, but I don't get very sad about death.

And before you accuse me of not experiencing tragedy, fuck you. I'm not going to give examples because I don't feel like it, but you have no idea what has gone on in my life and what I have or have not experienced.

People deal with things differently. Just because you found out that certain deaths do effect you emotionally doesn't mean that everyone works that way. People deal with death in very very different ways, and who are you to judge that.

People deal with death differently, but everyone feels something when a death directly impacts their life, unless they've got a mental disorder. If you don't cry, whatever, but you claim to have lost people genuinely close to you and not even bat an eyelid, then I'm left to assume that you're simply very young and naive. (Or full of autism or something.)

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2011-03-04 22:29 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2011-03-05 00:17 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2011-03-05 00:59 (UTC) - Expand

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obstinatrix.livejournal.com - 2011-03-04 22:41 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2011-03-04 22:52 (UTC) - Expand

You need empathy to make secrets now?

People can make secrets discussing things logically and without emotion too, you know. Just because most secrets are emotionally based doesn't mean it's some kind of requirement or something. You can logically feel weird for relating to a character. (And yes, I know this firsthand because I'm an Aspie, so sue me)

Also, OP mentioned that they didn't grieve for people close to them, in addition to the natural disasters thing.

And the anon's point is that if that's the case, then those people probably weren't as close as the OP thinks. Which I'm going to have to agree with.

First off, Sherlock isn't a psychopath; he's a "high-functioning sociopath. Do your research."

Second, being a sociopath doesn't necessarily mean you're devoid of all emotion; a symptom of sociopathy is shallowed emotions, or emotions that don't register at the level they "should." So that doesn't always mean you "don't give it a second thought" or you don't care; sometimes you do but you just don't grieve at a level that's considered "normal."

So don't be so judgmental.

Sherlock's not even a sociopath. He doesn't meet the diagnostic guidelines.

[Assuming you're the same anon as before]

If Sherlock isn't a sociopath, then he probably isn't a psychopath either. (Sociopathy and psychopathy both fall under antisocial personality disorder; psychopaths are more violent, amoral, aggressive, etc.)

You assumed that the OP thinks they're suffering from psychopathy and pretty much said they're wrong. I didn't read anywhere in the secret that the OP thinks they're a psychopath; it just says they're a person that isn't empathetic. Sherlock isn't really empathetic either so I don't see why the OP should be judged so harshly for being able to relate to him.

I think Sherlock's got Schizoid Personality Disorder.

How do you know it's not someone that close? OP never specified who it was that had died. And why couldn't someone be that close to their grandparents, or aunts or uncles or whomever?

Wow, way to jump to conclusions there.

My mother died, and it never really affected me (I cried my sisters did, but I think that was more a reaction to them being upset than thinking about my mom). Actually, so did my friend of well over 15+ years, though we hadn't been close for awhile (living in different states, etc), and same thing. So I can feel where the OP is coming from. And, BTW you're making a LOT of presumptions. How do you know OP's not talking about a parent, sibling or close, long-term friend? And some people are very close to their uncles and grandparents, and their deaths would affect them a lot. So, given that you're talking about a situation you really know very little about, you're the ignorant one here.

That's exactly what I'm talking about though! Did you still live with your mother when she died? Was she still a part of your everyday life? No? And your friend who'd moved away? Hadn't been close for years?

A lot of people don't grieve when their lives aren't directly impacted. Yes, your friend died, but what changed? You didn't talk to them on the phone once a month? You stopped exchanging the occasional email? I'm not trying to be cold hearted or callous here, but these are people you've already grown apart from. They're not members of your nuclear family or your basic support system. Your life in general remained the same when they died, so we can't really expect you to be broken up over it.

I sincerely doubt OP has ever lost a spouse, or a child, or a current constant companion.

This. Exactly this. Thank you.

Whoa whoa whoa, you're making a whole lotta of assumptions here. Having an emotion impact on someone is not necessary for having a physical impact. Having a physical impact on someone's life is not necessary for having an emotional impact. They aren't mutually inclusive.

For instance, for children taking care of ill and dying parents often don't grieve when they die. Are those parents physically present in those children lives? Yes. Would the life of those children significantly change when their parents died? Yes. Would those children be close to those parents? Yes. And yet, the actual death had no emotional impact. And many many people get upset when someone dies who they haven't though of in years, be it family or famous person, or that one person they had met on the street who said something nice.

In other words, your definition of closeness might absolutely involve emotional, physical impact and some continuity in perpetuum unto death of the two, but your definition is by no means absolute. Nor is grief triggered or untriggered by metaphysical proximity.

The brain is not 2 dollar hooker, turning it on emotionally just cause someone's waving the cash all the time.

Wow that is fucked up, reverse that, Would you ask a person, "Why are you upset about your mom dying? You had not seen her often in the last few years."

It's insulting to question someone's emotions but not there lack of emotion?

Not everyone feel in the same way that others to, that doesn't make them broken. So long as they can carry on in society and be content they are no better or worce than more feeling people

You cannot make those assumptions. You just don't know OP's life. You don't know if they've lost a spouse or a child or parent or whatever. You can't marginalize their losses because you deem yours to be somehow worse than OP's.

As for your first point, different people grieve in different ways. A few years ago my grandmother had a stroke and died (and before you pull your "but your everyday life wasn't changed! bs on me, I lived in the same house as her since I was born, saw her every single day of my life, helped her cook most days, etc) and I never cried about it. I was never sad or upset, I just sort of skipped that phase and moved on to "all right, she's gone, but I have to move on with my life". Some people react this way, it happens.

This!
People accuse anon of quick assumptions, but they do the same :/
-If somebody close to you dies, you normally would grieve.
-Your mother doesn't have to be close to you, just because she has this "title".

Going to have to agree with this, actually. It's one thing to not express that kind of grief openly; I'm horrible about that myself, and I may not necessarily react until later even if I feel terrible at the time it happens. But to say you didn't actually experience said grief at all tells me you just weren't particularly close to the person that died.

Nothing wrong with lacking empathy so long as you follow the law.

I don't understand why you are so ragey about it. OP says they don't feel as much as about death as most people. Even if they do end up actually feeling shitty when someone "really" close to them dies then so what? They are still less empathetic that the masses of people sobbing about earthquakes and shootings and things and would feel awkward admitting this to one of those people.

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