fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1558 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1558 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07.

__________________________________________________

08.

__________________________________________________

09.

__________________________________________________

10.

__________________________________________________

11.

__________________________________________________

12.

__________________________________________________

13.

__________________________________________________

14.

__________________________________________________

15.

__________________________________________________

16.

__________________________________________________

17.

__________________________________________________

18.

__________________________________________________

19.

__________________________________________________

20.

__________________________________________________

21.

__________________________________________________

22.

__________________________________________________

23.

__________________________________________________

24.

__________________________________________________

25.

__________________________________________________

26.

__________________________________________________

27.

__________________________________________________

28.

__________________________________________________

29.

__________________________________________________

30.

__________________________________________________

31.

__________________________________________________

32.

__________________________________________________

33.

__________________________________________________

34.

__________________________________________________

35.

__________________________________________________

36.

__________________________________________________

37.

__________________________________________________

38.

__________________________________________________

39.

__________________________________________________

40.

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 12 pages, 291 secrets from Secret Submission Post #223.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 3 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ], [ 1 - take it to comments ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Very recently I had to go to the christening of my cousin's baby girl. She's 21, I'm 23. My other cousin (her brother, aged 24) also recently fathered a child with his long-term girlfriend, & they were there too. I'd just bought a second-hand copy of Pokemon Diamond & had been playing it nonstop the entire week prior to staying with my family.

Watching both of my cousins being so 'grown-up' with their little babies really started to make me feel ashamed of myself. They'd both got these other little lives to take care of whereas I was still squandering my own on games & books & fantasy worlds. I felt like an adult-child next to them. I've never had a relationship that lasted longer than three weeks, let alone a child! So I did the natural thing & got depressed over it; sat on my own, ignored my DS & books & TV, tried to avoid the subject of what I was doing with my life when my family asked me. I was worried that my parents, having seen how mature my cousins were in comparison to myself, would now be ashamed of me, disappointed that I was still this little kid when people the same age as me were so much more mature.

Instead my mother turned to me in the car when we were (finally) driving back home & said "Well, thank fuck you haven't ruined your life like they have."

& although I don't feel that judgement's entirely true (both of my cousins are in the absolute shits financially because of their kids, though), it put the whole thing into perspective for me. Having a child's just a biological function - just because someone's had a baby doesn't mean that they're mature enough to bring one up. Getting pregnant's not a mark of maturity, just as getting your first period's not one, either. Your life's your own, to live how you choose.

I think I love your mom

That's a really mean thing to say. Maybe they are having a tough time financially, but to say that they fucked their lives up? I don't think having a baby means you are grown up, but it certainly changes your life and places a lot of responsibility on you. At that point you become responsible for another life. Some people don't step up to that responsibility. But having to make do with less money is not fucking up your life.

Well, looking at my cousin who got pregnant at 15, or my other cousin who had four kids by 25...yeah, I'd say fucking up their lives is a pretty good way of describing what they did. And financial matters are only one small part of that. Money, while important, isn't everything, and it's certainly not the only way of measuring a successful life. In fact, considering I'm poor as hell, it's not even the first thing I think of when contemplating how very happy I am I didn't go down the same path they did.

Well, looking at my cousin who got pregnant at 15, or my other cousin who had four kids by 25...yeah, I'd say fucking up their lives is a pretty good way of describing what they did.

I'm sure thinking in those terms is great for those children! They're nothing more than a "fuck up" to you I guess?

Also LOL @ "poor people can't have children" -- so what, only middle class and rich people should have kids? I'm just baffled that this mindset still exists, even among people who consider themselves "liberal"

Of course not. Those kids are anything but fuck-ups, and I treat them no different than the cousins and cousins kids born to married couples in their late 20s/early 30s. They're not to blame for their parents' poor decisions (and that's true for any kids whose parents make poor decisions, regardless of how old they were when the kids were born). Do you not understand the difference between "someone fucked up their life" and "a completely different person, who may or may not be affected by that first someone, is a fuck-up"?

"poor people can't have children"
Please point out where I said this, because I didn't. And judging by the number of poor people who do have children (and do just fine by them), I'd look like an idiot if I did. The previous poster said: But having to make do with less money is not fucking up your life. I took issue with this statement that people are claiming having kids = fucking up your life because you then have less money. I don't think this is a good representation of what many people who are in favor of waiting for children are saying at all. I have made other decisions in my life (to go to graduate school, for example) that have resulted in me having much less money than most people my age. Many people, myself included, would not consider this fucking up my life, even though it results in the exact same consequence the previous commenters noted. While money is a factor in everything we all do, that's not what I consider to be the most important things lost when someone has a child at too young an age, or a measure of a successful life. I also said that financial matters are only one small part of [why I felt my cousins hadn't made the best decisions in life]. You're the one that made this all about money and classism, by putting words in my mouth.

[ SECRET POST #1558 ]

I relate to this far too much. tl;dr but -

Re: I relate to this far too much. tl;dr but -

Re: I relate to this far too much. tl;dr but -

Re: I relate to this far too much. tl;dr but -

Re: I relate to this far too much. tl;dr but -

Re: I relate to this far too much. tl;dr but -