Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2011-04-13 04:11 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2011-04-13 04:11 pm
[ SECRET POST #1562 ]
⌈ Secret Post #1562 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
oh god stop using red text on jpegs
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no subject
This is a good comment. I can respect anyone's decision to transition, but with it being so commonplace so suddenly around the internet... it reminds me of how self-diagnosed asperger's was a thing a few years ago. It comes off as a convenience to explain why someone, especially someone who's young, doesn't "fit in." Are you really the wrong gender, or are you just dissatisfied with some other aspect of your life?
Sorry if I sound dismissive, but I had this boyfriend years ago. He had convinced himself that his life would magically do a 180 if he became a girl. He didn't consider the consequences or the expense of therapy, both psychological and hormonal. The only thing on his mind was "my life sucks but if I was a pretty girl everyone would love me and in turn I would love myself." No. It doesn't work that way.
I don't know where "the line" is except to be respectful? Then in the future, whether they make the transition for real or change their mind, use the appropriate pronoun? If you argue, you're just going to piss them off. Entitled commenters are already pissed off. :P
no subject
(Anonymous) 2011-04-14 03:13 pm (UTC)(link)check your anger, friend. it's not doing you any favors.
and don't spout the fucking tone argument with me. whether you like it or not, your vomit-spewing just makes it harder for anyone who doesn't understand to find any sympathy for us.
yes, us.
stop being on my side. you really ARE making me look bad.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2011-04-15 12:31 am (UTC)(link)Seconding the other anon, TRANS PEOPLE LIKE YOU MAKE US LOOK BAD.
no subject
And yeah to entitled commenters. XD Yes, I am totally going to go to so-and-so's face and call them something other than what they want to be called! /jerkoff jesture
I was meaning this in more of a way to get people to think a bit harder, rather than immediately react upon emotion. So many of threads like the ones the OP mentioned EXPLODE with so much anger and venom with "that person is male, please call them male" as if everyone is out to bully everyone else by using an incorrect gender. :/ Usually it's a mistake or an accident.
no subject
A good majority of people intrinsically know their gender. It's something coded into their brains, from their biology, hormones, personality, God, Mother Earth, what-have-you. Most trans people I know knew something was wrong with their body-gender correlation when they were children. They don't need someone to tell them that there's something not quite right, because something naturally feels off.
Asperger's affects thinking and behaviour. There is nothing in your mind that tells you that you have Asperger's, usually you have to actually read about it or get it diagnosed. As you can clearly see, this conflicts with the intrinsic knowing that is associated with being trans. We didn't know that my little brother had Asperger's until he was diagnosed when he was older than ten, but my aunt knew that she was a girl when she was six years old. Nobody told her that transgenderism was a thing. She just knew.
Regardless of whether someone is really trans or just legitimately being an idiot, nobody has the right to tell them what pronouns they should be called by. Calling someone him/her/xie does not damage you in any way, and their potential misdiagnosis is none of your business. It's not anyone else's place to not "encourage" their behaviour; you aren't their mommy, you aren't their doctor, and if they want to be called a pronoun that is different from their physical sex, nobody else has the right to disagree. Ever. Period. End of. Full stop.
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(Anonymous) 2011-04-14 12:59 am (UTC)(link)I do wish less people were idiots about misdiagnosing themselves though (and I mean this with everything, not just trans) because it just takes away from people who actually suffer getting the support and understanding they deserve (because when you know these people exist it makes you question other people).
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(Anonymous) 2011-04-14 02:57 am (UTC)(link)no subject
<3
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One thing I actually worry about more than trans is the recent asexual attention. Because I believe firmly in a sliding scale of sexual drive and it bothers me to see it suddenly black and white, you fit in under Sexual or Asexual, and that the Asexual label seems to be applied instead of "Humans are weird and relationships are tough and sex is NOT like the media would have you believe." A lot of the people who post to F!S about being asexual I want to shake and go "Keep your options open! In five years you may go 'yep, asexual.' or you may be happily married, but be willing to test your comfort zone." I have social anxiety, seven years ago I had panic attacks at going through a drive through or phone calls to/from people I didn't know. Now I don't even think about it, but it took a lot of hard work and I wonder if it would have happened if I had been going online and being told "Oh you're Asocial, that's normal, you'll always be scared, it's wrong of society to push being Social on everyone."
I do think asexuality is very real, but I just don't want to see it as an easy answer to a real problem. Like telling a person they have fibromyalgia before testing for anything else that could cause their symptoms, just because fibromyalgia is real and IS a problem doesn't mean you shouldn't be tested for other conditions.
no subject
i mean, if i went around counting how many cis people there are in fandom then would you consider it reasonable of me to say "there are too many of them compared to us, it's weird"? taking note of how many trans people there seem to be comes out of the idea that we're deviations from the default - you're forgetting that everybody else isn't trans. when you measure us up against the cis people you know then i'm pretty sure we're still going to come out as the vast minority every time, no matter how many of us there are.
not to mention the fact that most "professionals" in this field are gatekeeping jackasses who'll refuse you for any reason under the sun. it's really kind of troubling what an emphasis so many people seem to put on having a diagnosis of gid or being 'ready' to undergo therapy or hormone treatment when it's not exactly always easy to get either of these things. i'd say i'm pretty much ready to start hormones - my doctor wouldn't (my country wouldn't). my doctor also thinks that whether i played with action men or barbies as a little kid is what should define my gender for me. that's just the way it is.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2011-04-14 12:23 pm (UTC)(link)THERE IS NO LINE. RESPECT PEOPLE FOR BEING PEOPLE, REGARDLESS OF WHAT THEIR IDENTITY MAY BE, WHETHER OR NOT YOU DEIGN TO BELIEVE THEM. TREAT OTHERS WITH AS MUCH RESPECT AS YOU FEEL ENTITLED TO. THIS IS NOT A DIFFICULT CONCEPT.
JFC, you people are so thick.
no subject
Trans "self-diagnosis" (even though being trans is not itself a diagnosis - the diagnosis is called "gender identity disorder" and is pretty awful in how it describes trans people) is also extremely likely to be accurate.
A lot of legitimately trans people convince themselves that transition will fix everything. This is because living pre-transition sucks beyond the telling of it, and because it is so very easy to idealize the entire process. Many get past that idealization during transition because it is so very apparent that it is not only a cure for all troubles, it introduces new ones. Anyway, this isn't a contraindication against being trans, it's just pretty common.