fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1563 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1563 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 058 secrets from Secret Submission Post #223.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm not sure what to tell you, anon. I don't think I've ever failed to feel guilty about something, even if I felt it needed to be done. I am a one woman guilt machine.
This being said, do you feel a total lack of guilt often, or is it just this incident? Because if you don't generally have pangs of conscience, maybe you should see someone.

I can understand where being on a pedestal would annoy you, and I can even see where it could be left to fester long enough that you snapped. But if you truly think that you handled this the right way and that this person doesn't deserve an apology, I don't know that you've ever cared about them at all.

It's one thing to be messed up. It's quite another to mess everyone around you up too.

This being said, do you feel a total lack of guilt often, or is it just this incident?

I think it's a combination of both just this incident and the fact that I've never let my frustration build up like this before. Normally if someone annoys or bothers me, I know early on and I stop the acquaintance before it even becomes a friendship. But it wasn't annoying at first (I've known him for about a year) and even though the past several months have been frustrating, I chalked it up to my anti-social personality. (I can talk to strangers and make new friends/acquaintances easily, but I still have problems with truly opening up to people I haven't known for a long, long time.) It was only recently when I thought about the future and after college and when I thought of us graduating and never seeing each other again and I felt happy about that thought, I knew there was something seriously wrong.

And then a couple days after that is when I said, well I didn't say he was repulsive, quite honestly. I just phrased it that way in my secret because towards the end he had developed an irritating habit of lurking on the sites/communities that I frequented. Not joining them, not commenting. Just lurking. And I didn't know if he had started with this comm, but I didn't want to risk it. But seeing as how I highly doubt he would lurk, pick up on this secret, and then follow the comments (and if he does, that's his problem now), my exact words were "I do like you as a person. I do really like you as a friend, but physically... well, I find it disgusting" because at that time I thought it might just be a physical proximity thing. Except for I think he took it as "I find you disgusting" (even though I tried to clarify the next day that it didn't mean that), and things quickly deteriorated from that and by the end of the week I really did find him disgusting .

But if you truly think that you handled this the right way and that this person doesn't deserve an apology, I don't know that you've ever cared about them at all.

I thought I used to. I think sometimes I knew I use to. I don't now though... which is sort of the driving force behind the secret.

Calling any part of someone disgusting is still a rather massive rejection. I can see where he took that to mean you were completely disgusted by him. There are more diplomatic ways to phrase that, anon.

In the end, it's not really a problem that you don't particularly need/want this person in your life. I'm definitely a social extrovert who can open up to people, and there are still people I won't particularly miss after college. It doesn't mean I hate them, we just have never clicked and aren't close. That isn't really anyone's fault, it just happens.
You're not damaged and he isn't grotesque. You're just incompatible.

Even if you don't want to repair the friendship, you should probably at least shoot him an email explaining things once the situation dies down. No matter how much you actually cared about him, he's a person and he deserves not to feel disgusting.

[ SECRET POST #1563 ]

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*Original Comment Deleted for Typo