fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1572 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1572 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

I've heard people say that they're not getting LJ notifications for new posts - there's an RSS feed right over here that you can use! Just a heads up for those unaware.

Secrets Left to Post: 12 pages, 276 secrets from Secret Submission Post #225.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 2 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeats ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Looks like somebody just bought a ticket for the bandwagon.

can we not

[C]an we not...

use complete sentences?

Fill in the blank comments are fun!

oh i forgot, expressing oneself informally on the internet renders one's sentiments invalid

The sentiment is perfectly valid. The manner of expressing it is not.

It is, actually. There is no inherent right or wrong in language, and the key element is functionality. Everybody understands what the anon above means, therefore the sentence is functional, therefore it is valid.

(da) how can you say that someone is expressing themselves WRONG? you understood what they meant, and the way they said it wasn't out of stupidity or ignorance about writing, they did it deliberately for a certain effect.

I can't help but agree. I don't even care how bad that sounds.

I really don't want to stir up any shit, but I agree.

Mostly because I thought that if you're trans, you'd know it? Gender dysphoria is pretty dang noticeable from a very young age. It's the feeling that your body's wrong for you, and that's pretty much divorced from talk about gender identity, so you'd know it without fandom being there for you.

OP may not be quite cis - I think it's quite common to question whether or not you're cis through fandom discussions - but FTM? I don't think so.

But maybe I'm just misinformed. In which case, someone please correct me? =/

It depends on the severity of gender dysphoria. It's a continuum, where some people get it really bad and other people just have a vague sense that something is wrong but can't quite pinpoint it.

It depends. Not all trans people realize that they're trans when they're young, though many can look back in retrospect and see signs that they were, or they find that once they come to terms with their gender identity, non-specific issues they'd been dealing with improve. And while a lot of trans people realize there's something different about them, they might not meet or learn about trans people until later, and because of that, may not see their feelings for what they are.

Couldn't have said it better myself :)

Well said, I was just about to reply with the same.

I guess it would depend on whether or not the OP felt comfortable with her/his/hir (don't know the proper designation for this situation) body before she/he/xe had these conversations with people. But if the discomfort only arose after said talks, then I can't help but raise an eyebrow at that.

I mean, my entire life (even before fandom gender talks), I've wanted a flat chest, don't really like having a hole way down there (but don't really want a dick either), and would much rather look like a guy than a girl (which I do, minus the breasts), but I don't consider myself really trans. I'm actually pretty sure I'm cis, even despite all the sort-of-maybe-dysphoria.

I feel kind of similar.It's really weird, because I remember being 10, 11, 12 (so, we're talking early 90s here) and just being so upset that I wasn't a boy. I think if I had more exposure to trans topics (and my mom hadn't jumped down my throat about "already raising one son!" when I just wanted to cut my hair) I probably would have explored that avenue, but I'm kind of glad I didn't, because I don't really feel that way anymore (except I always have been and probably always will be envious of the flat chest), though. For me, I realized that my personal style and preferences, though they tended to be more stereotypically masculine, weren't dictated by my gender.

I often wonder if my situation is the sort that others might call "genderless" but I just don't feel that way. I HAVE a gender (and kind of feel like this push to separate gender and sex at the level that people seem to want to is silly), I just don't attach anything to it like "this is what it means to be a girl/boy." Of course, feeling the way I do still isn't easy in today's world, given the people bitching about the J. Crew lady who painted her son's toenails pink or that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt let Shiloh dress like a boy (Gasp! How will she know how to be a girl?!!") but whatever.

I kind of had the opposite experience. I felt pretty satisfied with the thought of being a butch woman and maybe becoming an awesome drag king -- until I actually started expressing my style more and realized that continuing to be read as a woman was annoying at best and hurtful at worst. Deep down, I'd been hoping I'd be read as androgynous or maybe even a guy, and the fact that I wasn't was a bit of a punch to the gut and caused me to rethink some things.

I don't think my style is that connected to my gender, either, though. I'm pretty feminine, actually.

I would say that if the OP didn't experience any sort of discomfort or doubt (whether with their body or otherwise) prior to these discussions, then that's certainly an indication that maybe the discussions have triggered these thoughts as opposed to revealing or explaining something already there. Though, I don't really think that sort of questioning is necessarily a bad thing, as long it's more, "Huh, I never thought about these things before. This gives me a lot of food for thought" and less, "I'm definitely trans! No doubt about it!"

But how people feel can be so individual and varied that I think whether someone is trans or cis comes down more to the bigger picture than the details.

Have you considered taking a third option? Gender isn't a strict binary, after all- and the dysphoria you're describing sounds pretty definitively non-cisgendered even if transitioning to the opposite sex wouldn't be any less dysphoric.

I actually have but don't really feel comfortable saying that I'm "genderqueer" or "third gendered" or "agender" or anything like that. I don't know if it's because fandom has indoctrinated me with the "lol someone's trying to be a speshul snowflake!" mode of thought (esp. since I'm already a self-designated asexual, which gets enough flak as it is), but I actually feel more comfortable being designated as he or she, even though I guess I would count as a neutrois. But even that feels kind of "meh" to me. *shrug*

I wonder if this is all because of my brother. Lol. My mom said that he wanted a younger brother when I was born and thus kind of raised me to be a younger brother despite the fact that I'm female. If we're going to go by the traits that are usually associated with each gender, I'm actually more "masculine" in personality than he is.

Point being: As a female, I don't like my breasts or vagina. (Flat chest, do want, but atm not enough so that I'd undergo surgery.) As a guy, I wouldn't want body/facial hair or a dick. (No sexual organs > vagina > dick, as far as I'm concerned. Even if periods are shit.) I'm lucky in that I'm naturally androgynous and have a pretty deep voice for a girl, so I don't really feel a need to change anything. =/ =/ =/

Soooo, I'm not quite cis but not quite trans, and I don't feel comfortable saying I'm somewhere in the middle either! ME. I'M JUST ME?

[ SECRET POST #1572 ]

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