[ SECRET POST #155 ]

[grayout.livejournal.com]

⌈ Secret Post #155 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 114 secrets from Secret Submission Post #023.
Secrets Not Posted: 0 broken links, 0 not!secrets, 0 not!fandom.
Next Secret Post: Tomorrow, Sunday, June 10th, 2007.
Current Secret Submission Post: Here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[allsunday.livejournal.com]

Well, sex is dirty on a literal level, sure. When someone says they think "sex is dirty" though, I assume that they're talking about being uncomfortable with the concept of sex itself. And if you're uncomfortable with the idea of sex on a conceptual level, that can indicate anything from possible trauma to basic intimacy issues.

I can completely understand thinking "ewww!" when reading about fluids and squishy sounds though, because let's face it, it's all rather messy. xD;

[ex-parle.livejournal.com]

MMmm--squishy sounds. :9~

[allsunday.livejournal.com]

...*SQUELCH* xDDD

[ex-parle.livejournal.com]

...*SPLICH*

[(Anonymous)]

Not OP, but:

What's wrong with thinking it's dirty in the first place, on any level? Does everyone have to go out and have sex? It's taken far too lightly these days in the first place. Sex is primal, animalistic. I would say it is hardly ever 'beautiful' or spiritual or whatever. That kind of thinking doesn't have to stem from trauma or intimacy issues. Besides which, some people just have no sex drive anyway. It happens.

[allsunday.livejournal.com]

Maybe I'm not making myself clear. Not wanting to have sex is fine. Many people choose to forgo it, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But thinking that the act of sex as a general concept is dirty or wrong indicates that everything is not okay with you. Even an asexual should be comfortable with the idea that sex is an okay thing for people to do.

Does that make more sense?

[(Anonymous)]

I can see what you're saying, but I still think it's not necessarily true. We may have to simply agree to disagree on this

[(Anonymous)]

Even an asexual should be comfortable with the idea that sex is an okay thing for people to do.

Why?

[(Anonymous)]

Hello another anon who agrees :)

[ex-parle.livejournal.com]

Being asexual doesn't mean you think sex is gross, IMO anyways.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't believe anybody said it did :/

[ex-parle.livejournal.com]

:( I might've read that wrong, sorry, bb.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know about the other anon, but simply:

Why should 'even' an asexual be comfortable with the idea that sex is an okay?

[allsunday.livejournal.com]

...Because sex is an okay thing for people to do. O_o

No, really. Just because you don't want to do it yourself doesn't make it any less a perfectly natural thing for someone else to get up to. If you're not okay with that, then you're not okay.

[(Anonymous)]

Ah, now I was reading this as 'should be comfortable with the idea', not as 'not wanting anyone to do it because it is disgusting and wrong'. Those are different things. Someone can be uncomfortable when you talk about it because its not something they understand or want to know about. Doesnt mean they're about to campaign for everyone to stop doing it. Thats taking it a little further than intended, I think.

[allsunday.livejournal.com]

Oh, I see the difference in what we're saying now.

Yes, you can certainly be uncomfortable with someone talking about it, or uncomfortable with reading about it, simply because as an asexual, that is not where your interests lay. I'm sure you would much rather talk about or read about something else. It's if sex in general squicks you - as in, "sex is dirty and wrong, period" - that something is wrong with you. Sex is perfectly natural, and no one should be under the impression that it's a bad thing, though you may choose not to engage in it.

Does that make more sense? I'm sorry if I wasn't as clear as I intended to be.

OP here

[(Anonymous)]

Uh, why does it have to be because of trauma? I mean I suppose technically I kind of have childhood issues, but I don't think thats anything to do with it? Why, do you think it might be? :/

Re: OP here

[allsunday.livejournal.com]

Well, I can't really say. I was just throwing general theories out there. Though some people who think sex is bad may think so because they were traumatized, others may think so because they have simple intimacy issues. For example, I know that some people whose parents didn't have much physical contact with them (hugging, kissing, etc) may feel especially freaked out by the idea of physical intimacy.

I have no idea what kind of childhood issues you may have had, or where your dislike of sex comes from. From all I know, I read into your statement in a way you didn't intend, and you're just asexual. I just know that not wanting to have sex is one thing, but thinking it's bad or wrong may actually be a symptom of deeper issues.

Not OP here

[darkdesideratum.livejournal.com]

So,

I'm 31. I have a huge selection of issues for you to pick from. My parents split when I was pretty young and dragged me through a court case having spent several years yelling at each other. My mother basically ignored me apart from when she wanted to show me off. Then when I grew up she pretty much disowned me and blamed me for everything including her failing health (but I paid for her life anyway up until she died. But she selectively ignore that.) All my relationships so far have ended up badly.

Should I have issues with sex or intimacy then? Maybe I do. I'm not sure. Maybe this is why I seem to get pushed over so easily by women, or by people in general. What counts as an 'issue' ? I'm curious to know when something is naturally occurring, and when it counts as something to be fixed. I mean I'm pretty happy really, I don't think I need to be fixed. Should I be fixed? My round about point: Whats *wrong* with thinking sex is wrong, and why is it something that needs to be fixed? I'm sure people can live happily that way.

Re: Not OP here

[allsunday.livejournal.com]

If you think you can live happily despite having emotional or psychological issues, more power to you. Thing is, they're usually "issues" or "problems" precisely because they make you unhappy for one reason or another. The OP, for example, stated outright that she feels like she's alone. If she does indeed have intimacy issues that could be worked through, she could get past thinking sex is dirty, and therefore relate better to her friends.

Which is not to say that you have to like sex to relate to people, but that's obviously how the OP was feeling when she wrote that secret. If it's something that bothers her, it's easy enough to go to a qualified psychologist and say, "No one else I know seems to feel this way. I want to know why I do."

Re: Not OP here

[darkdesideratum.livejournal.com]

>>Which is not to say that you have to like sex to relate to people, but that's obviously how the OP was feeling when she wrote that secret. <<

Well thats an assumption. Maybe s/he (see: http://community.livejournal.com/fandomsecrets/49815.html?thread=5238679#t5238679 )

Simply feels alone in their opinion, but can still relate to their friends in another ways?

>>Thing is, they're usually "issues" or "problems" precisely because they make you unhappy for one reason or another.<<

Uh, ok. I never said I was always happy. I mean I wasn't exactly happy at the time. So... I cant keep my issues? :/ huh

Re: Not OP here

[allsunday.livejournal.com]

This whole thread is an assumption, based off of my best interpretation of what the OP said. For all I know, the whole thing is null and void because s/he is actually a perfectly healthy asexual and just expressed him/herself badly.

As for your second statement, I have no idea what you're talking about. I never said or meant to imply that you're always happy, or that you can't "keep your issues", whatever that means. In fact, I wasn't even speaking about you specifically, I was speaking in general terms.

[longlongwaytogo.livejournal.com]

ah that's how I read 'sex is dirty' in this context too. I mean... I can see thinking that basically it's quite gross. But being all 'ewww it's dirty!!! omg it's sooo gross!' just seems like a 12 year old to me. Or 'dirty' as in 'wrong'... that's more worrying.

[allsunday.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to know I'm not nuts! I knew I couldn't be the only person who thought the OP's statement was worrying.

[dea-matrona.livejournal.com]

It worried me a bit as well.