[ SECRET POST #1625 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1625 ⌋


Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Sorry it's late. Half of tinypic being down = I have to go through manually and replace the ones that aren't working. Hopefully it'll be back by tomorrow

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 110 secrets from Secret Submission Post #232.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - hit/ship/spiration ], [ 0 - omgiknowthem ], [ 0 - take it to comments ], [ 0 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe you don't have an issue with the child you being referred to by your birth sex, but I hate it when someone talks about what a cute little girl I was, and I know I'm not the only one. :/ I agree with you on the rest of it -- this "friend" sounds like absolute poison -- but as with most things in life, YMMV when it comes to how you feel about people referring to you by your birth sex, even retrospectively.

[twotailtinkerer.livejournal.com]

Well, I think in the OP's case it probably came down to grammar confusion more than anything. But yeah, the focus on the (imaginary?) transphobia to the point of flat out ignoring the awful shit this person did was kind of upsetting. At what point was a typo worse than malicious actions?

[(Anonymous)]

Well, retrospect is a fact of life and people don't (hopefully) do it specifically to offend.

I know some of us take that very personally, but it's not easy for the people around us to instantly switch, especially in memory. Obviously they should try a little harder if you express, specifically, that you dislike it, but generally they try and exact the change from when they found out, not retroactively.

They might remember playing with and growing up with a girl, even though their friend prefers to be known as a boy now and it is very difficult to disassociate something like physical gender (which is very important as an identifying point on a base level) from what they remember. The issue has been with us lifelong, but for them, it is often rather sudden, unless you came to terms with and came out about it early. Memories are not so easily edited. People will try, if they care about us, but be aware that it will not be an instant change and try not to get angry about it, especially at something mentioned in retrospect.

I think, in general, too many transpeople ignore the difficulties of their friends in favour of their own. Granted, it is a hard and often emotional transition for us to actually be accepted as the gender we identify as, but it is hard for those around us too. There is no mental switch for those who are told "I would prefer if you called me [opposite to physical gender name] and used [opposite physical gender] pronouns."

Regardless of these things, the voice-of-reason commenter's point still stands -- we will not be angry (unless you're a psycho) if you have difficulty switching the genders in memories, but we will (hopefully kindly and civilly) correct people if we are offended by it.

We want people to be understanding of what we are going through and how we wish to be seen, but we could stand to be a little more understanding of them and the associative changes they are having to make because of us, too.