[ SECRET POST #1666 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1666 ⌋


Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Posting these up without comment threads so you can see them at least, if LJ stops breaking. Working on getting the threads up



Secrets Left to Post: 06 pages, 150 secrets from Secret Submission Post #238.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 2 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom.livejournal.com]

02. http://i52.tinypic.com/243ooyb.png

[kallanda-lee.livejournal.com]

I hate it when girlfriends/boyfriends demand that your friend stops seeing you because you're a threat. Ack :(

[(Anonymous)]

And, where in this secret does it say that is what happened? It sounds like OP was poking her nose into what wasn't his/her business. If someone came to me and started saying negative things about my boyfriend out of "concern", I would feel awkward being around them and a little upset, because I know my relationship better than someone not in it. It's not their business unless I'm straight up being abused or something.

[kallanda-lee.livejournal.com]

The secret says that after voicing her opinions, the girlfriend wanted them to break contact (and succeeded). NOT that her friend wanted to break contact, but that he did so on request of his girlfriend. That's a different situation.

If someone voiced concerns about my relationship - it would very much depend on how they would say it. If they'd be rude about it, I'd tell them it's none of their business. If they're genuinely concerned but wrong - I would very clearly sort things out and point out their interpretation of my relationship is wrong.

For example, I do get negative comments about "my boyfriend not wanting to marry me" - but if you know that I very much do not want to be married, it becomes a very different context. It goes from a situation where a person thinks I'm a disadvantaged party, to a situation where they know we negotiated it as equals.

In no way do I think one negative comment warrants throwing away a years-long friendship.

[citrinesunset.livejournal.com]

I've seen relationships like that before, and yeah, they make me uncomfortable, too. I've lost family members to them.

I don't think Amy would do that to Rory, though.

[writerserenyty.livejournal.com]

Oof, that really sucks.

Yeah, it really isn't fun when real life gets in the way of enjoyment of something. Yikes.

[(Anonymous)]

You sound like you were badgering their girlfriend and talking shit about them. Of course that didn't turn out well. You have no one to blame but yourself.

[(Anonymous)]

lol no kidding. it's one thing to look out for a friend but to make assumptions from the outside looking in is just silly. good on the boyfriend for telling you off, tbh.

[ichini-sanshigo.livejournal.com]

Maybe, but I think anon's complaints are justified by the fact that the girlfriend demanded he end a friendship. The only people who do that are domineering jerks.

[elica.livejournal.com]

Or they are bullied by their boy/girlfriend's friends and can take it anymore.
Not that it was the case here, but you only have one side of the story...

[cold-river-blue.livejournal.com]

1) We don't really know that the girlfriend "demanded" he end the friendship. If we're being charitable (meaning this is what OP really believes happened, and isn't exaggerating) we know that "Rory" told his friend that "Amy" demanded he stop being friends. It's possible that he agreed with Amy that it was harmful to have a friend who undermined his relationship, or he could have independently wanted to spend less time with friend and blamed Amy (knowing that OP already hated Amy). I've seen people do both.

2) If your boyfriend has a "friend" who wants to be more than friends, and who disrespects your relationship enough to openly talk crap about you and what a crappy girlfriend you are, you have a right to at least ask that he limit his time with that friend.

tl:dr time: I've been the "Amy" in a situation like this - my boyfriend had an old friend who had been crushing on him forever, who thought I was an evil bitch for monopolizing his time (i.e. having dinner with him most nights), and who thought he could do no wrong. So because he was perfect and I was the devil, any time we fought she was there to tell him how unreasonable I was for requesting a phone call if he was going to be out until 5 am, or for telling him to take the damn trash out now and then. It got to a point where it was annoying to both of us, and I did ask him to stop hanging out with her, or at least make it clear that our relationship was not going to be a topic of their conversation. Then, of course, he became the helpless little puppy trapped in a hellish loveless relationship, while I was the domineering abuser who demanded he have no friends other than me. It was awesome.

[(Anonymous)]

Think maybe your boyfriend was a little bit at fault here for never defending you to his friend? I hate it when significant others try to influence your relationship with other people while acting like it's for your own good, as if you aren't smart enough to tell when a friendship isn't good for you.

[cold-river-blue.livejournal.com]

To be honest, sometimes people can't tell when a friendship/relationship isn't good for them. However, I didn't say he wasn't a little at fault - in life, sometimes multiple people do bad things at the same time, and you don't have to pick just one person to shoulder all the blame. He should have stuck up for me, like I would have for him if any of my friends had tried to convince me he was a bad guy. And my telling him how I felt about that was part of the reason he stopped hanging out with his friend, which is apparently what makes me such an awful, manipulative person.

But anyway, if it's not cool for a SO to try to influence your relationship with other people, isn't it equally bad for a friend to try to influence your relationship with your significant other?

[wynndfae.livejournal.com]

I lost a friend, only I was the Rory suffering from an overbearing Amy. It hurts on our end, too, anon. ;_;

ETA: I blame myself for what happened. I don't expect my lost friend to come back; his anger is justified. I should never have been forced to choose one over the other, but to choose the one I did was the biggest mistake of my current adult life.