Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2011-07-27 08:05 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2011-07-27 08:05 pm
[ SECRET POST #1667 ]
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Posting this while LJ is up. Comment threads to follow
Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 099 secrets from Secret Submission Post #238.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 3 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.
no subject
I'm a fatty because I was raped as a child. No, no. Please hear me out. After the event, I decided to eat. I lived in Southern California, right along the beach. If you've ever lived there, in the 'OC', then you know the stigma. Can't get a guy to touch you if you're more than a couple pounds overweight. I thought that if I made myself undesireable in the eyes of men, I'd be safe. I was ten years old. That was my defense.
It started with just a few candy bars. Then the abuse started. The teasing that people thought was funny, but really wasn't. I became a recluse just to get away from them, because I couldn't any other way. I got it from my stepfather, I got it from kids at school, I got it from people I passed on the street. My haven was my bedroom, and the food.
You can guess how lovely High School was. Being mocked and laughed at while I was running the track with other kids didn't make me want to do it. Having kids scream about the whale in the pool didn't make me want to swim. Dolling myself up in pretty clothes that did actually fit me right and made me feel like a supermodel only to be told that I looked like a stuffed sausage? Yeah, that didn't make me want to do anything either.
I was extremely lucky to have had a boyfriend who was supportive of me, even on my bad days. He would compliment me when I wore something new, and I knew that he meant it. I never saw those snide smirks nor heard the underhanded remarks, because they weren't there. And you know what? I lost 100 pounds because of it. He would jog beside me while I walked, he'd bike with me, he'd even stand with me when I'd weigh myself. From time to time, he'd sneak into the shower with me and just snuggle my body. The body I had grown to hate before I met him.
Then the weight stopped coming off. I'm stuck at 250, and it won't go away. I'm nicely toned, my muscles are strong, but there's some stubborn fat that just won't move no matter what I do. I'm called fat, ugly, and a variety of other names. When I go to the buffet and take the little bit of food that I take, I can hear the people making the snide comments. You know what? It doesn't help.
My knees give me a lot of pain that even meds can't help. I'm an asthmatic who actually has a harder time breathing while exercising, something that I was told would stop when I 'lost weight'. The days that pass and I see no improvement, and I come home in pain and feeling like I might pass out are days that I feel like I've failed. Being healthy and eating right, both things that I do, don't make depression go away. Stop holding onto that.
Fat acceptance isn't about saying that it's okay to be fat. It's keeping your mouth shut and treating the bigger person like a person rather than a waste of space. It's about encouragement and support, the same that you'd give someone trying to kick a smoking or drinking habit. If even a handful of the people who made my life miserable in school had turned around and asked if I wanted a running partner, or challenged me to a race in the pool instead of making me feel like I was worse than the crap on the bottom of their shoe, I probably wouldn't have hit that point.
That and therapy, for the entire reason I started gaining the weight anyway. How hard is it to just be nice?
no subject
(Anonymous) 2011-07-30 04:53 am (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2011-07-30 04:56 am (UTC)(link)no subject
1) the even bigger stigmatization of eating disorders within the movement than anywhere outside it. The same way first- and second-wave feminism shunned and shamed lesbians for fear of getting a reputation as "man-hating dykes," Fat Acceptance does the same to those with eating disorders in order not to tarnish their image of "fat and proudly normal." As a result, many women in the Fat Acceptance movement who struggle with eating disorders have to remain in the closet about their problem if they want any support from even their fellow fat people. That disgusts me on several levels.
2) The insistence that even entertaining the thought of losing weight, for any reason, is betraying the movement and all it stands for. That even if your doctor tells you that you need to lose weight in order to manage or mitigate a specific health issue like diabetes or sleep apnea or heart disease, or even that you need to go on a restrictive diet to manage ailments such as gastroenteritis, gallbladder syndrome, or ulcerative colitis or IBS, you need to stick to your guns because you are fat and proud and that's all that matters.
This is why I'm more on board with Health At Every Size rather than Fat Acceptance. Because no matter what size you are, overall good health should be your goal rather than society's fucked up standards of beauty.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2011-07-30 05:24 am (UTC)(link)no subject
no subject
(Anonymous) 2011-09-05 02:56 am (UTC)(link)