[ SECRET POST #1690 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1690 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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02.
[The Birdcage]


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03. [repeat]


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04.
[Swan Princess]


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05.
[Yugioh]


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06.
[d.gray-man/katekyo hitman reborn]


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07. [ns]


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08.


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09.
[Natsume Yuujinchou]


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10.
[deus ex]


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11.


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12.


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13.


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14.


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15.
[Beelzebub]


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16.


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17.


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18.


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19.


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20.
[Leverage]


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21.


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22.
[Jon Richardson]


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23.
[Suburban Knights / TGWTG]


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24.
[A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones]


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25. [posted twice]


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26.
[MST3K -- Pumaman]


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27.
[Switched at Birth]


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28.
[Risen: Dark Waters]


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29.
(Family Ties, Out of Practice, Everwood)


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30.
[David Mitchell and Lee Mack]


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31.


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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]











32. [SPOILERS for Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy]



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33. [SPOILERS for Harry Potter]



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34. [SPOILERS for AtLA]



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35. [SPOILERS for Portal 2]



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36. [SPOILERS for Rise of the Planet of the Apes]



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37. [SPOILERS for Fringe]



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38. [SPOILERS for Puella Magi Madoka Magica]



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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]













39. [TRIGGER WARNING for child abuse]



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40. [TRIGGER WARNING for self-harm]



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41. [TRIGGER WARNING for rape]

[Rihanna]


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #241.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - hit/ship/spiration ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[modmoviegirl.livejournal.com]

Does anyone know what HIS lines were, that he refused to read? Is there a script somewhere? I know the context and what they're about, but I really want to read the words.

TRIGGER WARNING for euthanasia, corpse defiling and Cave Johnson being Cave Johnson

[(Anonymous)]

These seem to be from an earlier version of the game.

When discovering the Cave Johnson cube

Cave: Greetings, friend. It's Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science.

Cave: Down here! [pause] On the floor.

Cave: That's right! It's really me. My entire living consciousness, for all eternity, inside a machine.

Cave: Alone. On a dirty floor. In an abandoned room. At the bottom of a pit.

Cave: My life is torture, please kill me.

Glados: We don't have time for this.

Cave: Hold on. Is that you, Caroline?

Glados: Yes SIR, Mister Johnson! I'll have that report on your desk by four–thirty! [normal voice, horrified] What. In the hell. Was THAT.

Cave: You were my assistant! The heart and soul of Aperture Science! You don't remember?

Glados: No, Mister Johnson. I DON'T.

Cave: See, the science boys invented me a machine to house my consciousness in. But that sounded DANGEROUS, so I volunteered you to go first. Like a food taster, except with your soul! [chuckling] Guess they must've found a use for you after all. Oh! Which reminds me. I do need you both to kill me.

Cave: Come on, be a sport and kill me. All you gotta do is pick me up.

Glados: Sure

Cave: Plug's in the back of me. Give me a good pull, it should pop right out.

Glados: Okay.

Cave: Now, before you say no, I want you to remember that I've lived a full life. Also, if this helps seal the deal, livin' in a computer this long's made me crazy. That's right: I am insane.

Glados: I said we'll do it.

Cave: Wait. I suppose tellin' you I'm not in my right mind could sway you to not unplugging me. Let me round back on the important parts: in a computer. Ceaseless torture. Monster in the eyes of god. So why don't you get on over here and unplug ol' Cave.

Glados: If you don't unplug him, I will.

When the player kills the Cave cube

Cave: Ho ho! I can feel myself shuttin' down. Man, this is excitin'.

Glados: Maybe we can stand on him to climb up.

Cave: Oh! Room's gettin' dark. That's a good sign.

Cave: I'm comin' for you, Caroline!

Glados: Mister Johnson? You need to shut up.

Cave: Ten–four!

Cave: Here I go! The great beyond! Valhalla, home of Hercules! I can hear them winged chariots thunderin' over now!

If player lingers after using the Cave corpse to escape

Glados: Goodbye, sir. May whatever tests await you on the other side either support or disprove your hypotheses.

Cave: Thank you, Caroline.

Cave: Alright! Too much jawin', not enough dyin'. Here I go! Ah.

If player lingers after using the Cave corpse to escape

Glados: I'd... appreciate it... if we never... EVER talked about that... ever again.

At the fake exit

Cave Johnson here! Thanks again, from me and Aperture Science, for taking part in these tests.

When PotaDOS enters the test chamber for the first time

Wait. This isn't one of MY tests. It must... PRE–DATE me. So that means... they were doing testing without me.

When player flings to exit platform

Well done. Of course, if I'D built that test area, you'd still be IN there. Because you'd be a corpse.

When player reaches cube platform

I would NEVER have put that cube there. Or I WOULD have put it there, but then filled it with neurotoxin! [remembering half heartedly] Oh. Good work solving it, though.

When player reaches exit platform

If I'd built that test, you would have never solved it. I'm not bragging. It's an objective fact. My tests are good and these are stupid garbage.

When player enters offices

Maybe I didn't appreciate the subtleties of human literature the first time. Let me try again. [beep] No. It didn't get any better.

When player exits offices

I just realized why I don't like human literature. Not enough omniscient AI characters administering neurotoxin. [beep] There, I rewrote them. They're all good now.

I made you a character in Hamlet. You're the court jester that gets hit by a neurotoxin truck in Act One. All the other characters laugh. So you're famous now.

Re: TRIGGER WARNING for euthanasia, corpse defiling and Cave Johnson being Cave Johnson

[modmoviegirl.livejournal.com]

Ugh, yikes. There's some dark stuff there.

Re: TRIGGER WARNING for euthanasia, corpse defiling and Cave Johnson being Cave Johnson

[(Anonymous)]

No kidding.

I can't find anything that directly corresponds to Ellen McLain's horrified lines (as in a direct dialogue), but the inflection she puts on it is bad enough, and probably woke the writers up to what it would sound like off the page.

[(Anonymous)]

There's more that seems to be closer to what the original game came out to be:

Cave: Now, the lab boys were adamant that I do not give you any hints on these tests. To be honest, they think I'm spoiling the results just by talking to you. Hizenstein Uncertainty Principles and so forth. I’ll give ‘em something more practical to be uncertain about. Their next paycheck.

Cave: Anyway, overruled. If you think I'm affecting your decisions, in any way, don’t be afraid to speak up. I’m not made of glass.

Cave: That reminds me: Caroline, Do we have a wing made out of glass yet?

Cave: Let's get on that, Caroline.

PotaDOS: "Right away, Mister Johnson..."

PotaDOS: "No one's going to miss a few astronauts, Mister Johnson..."

PotaDOS: "Hide the bodies, Mister Johnson..."

Cave: [sigh] Caroline, has it really come to this?

Caroline: We're still doing science, sir.

Cave: Damn it, you’re right. Damn good science, too. We’re not out of this race yet, Caroline.

Cave: The gel in this next test is probably going to make all of your skin solar-powered. Upside is, you’re not gonna get hungry. Ever. So if you were worried about your waistline, get this: You won’t be able to eat food even if you wanted to.

Cave: This next test involves molecular dynamics. You’re gonna breathe in a bunch of tiny little robots, and they’re gonna optimize your DNA strands. Exciting stuff. Maybe nothing’ll happen. Or maybe you’ll have a big crab hand by the end of the test, or ten foot legs. It’s up to them. Trust me, I’m as anxious as you are to see how this plays out.

Cave: The gel in this next test’s gonna recalibrate your molecular whatsamacallits, blah blah blah. Bottom line is, you won’t need to go to the bathroom anymore. Your body’s just gonna process it up like anything else. Side effect might be that everything you eat from now on tastes like urine, though.

Cave: If you’re not a fan of the cartilage in your body, you are gonna love what this next test might do for you. Honestly, cartilage is like adenoids, or a second kidney. Body doesn’t want it, you don’t need it. Good riddance.

Cave: Ever wondered what a parallel universe you might be like? Well, stop wondering, because you’re just Hitler. Every parallel universe ever. You. Hitler. We can’t figure it out. Anyway, if you meet him in the next test, don’t kill him. I know, I know. But trust me, it’d be bad.

Cave: We’re gonna try and collapse three-dimensional space in this next test. We’re not gonna tell you when. Just give us a holler if everything starts looking flat.

[(Anonymous)]

Cave: While you’re completing this next test, we’re gonna test out a new device and see if we can read your thoughts. Don’t let it throw you. Just give us a nod if we’re getting close.

You’re thinking about tungsten. Tungsten or zinc. Give us a wave if we nailed it.

You’re thinking about the electrolytic production of hydrogen. How close is that?

You’re thinking about the color green. Greenish blue.

You might be wondering how I’m guessing what you’re thinking through a pre-recorded message. The answer: volume. I recorded a message for every word in the English language. Also: you are thinking about bib lettuce. Tell me I’m wrong.

You’re still thinking about tungsten. I don’t blame you. It’s fascinating.

Hey, Caroline. I think he’s thinking about you!

Photosynthesis. That or fudge. The bacteria inside fudge. Nod your head if I’m getting close.

Cave: Once upon a time there was a scorpion and a frog. The scorpion tells the frog “When I say ‘jump’ I don’t want to hear ‘how high?’ That means you’re not jumping!” Then the frog says “It’s my nature!” Well, be that as it may, we have a lot of tests to do and you are taking a long time on these catwalks and, yes, I broke out of the parable somewhere back there. But the point stands that you need to put some muscle back into your hustle, son.

Cave: You might have noticed some safety warnings on the walls. Ignore ‘em. I keep telling the Bean Counters danger’s just a natural part of science, but boy they don’t want to hear it. Like telling a paradox to a robot – makes their heads explode.

Cave: That last test may have made your skeleton magnetic. I don’t know how. But if I were you, I wouldn’t stand next to any sheet metal.

Cave: How do you feel about your feet? Like ‘em? Good, because if this next test works, you’ll have five of ‘em.

Cave: For this next test, you’ll be helping us solve the problem of male pattern baldness. If it works, you’re gonna start growing lush, new hair instantly. Downside: teeth hair.

Cave: You want to keep stealing my patents? Fine! This is war. Science war. The sweet science.

You will cry into your evil black satin pillows about the day you messed with Cave Johnson!

You hear me? I invented portals! I can put a doorway on the moon and another into your parking lot! Let’s see how many patents you steal when you’re floating around in outer space, you—

What? Right. I know. Felt like having it on. How can… you tell?

Fantastic. Good business. And if I wanted to turn it off—

Good, good. Glad it was on. On purpose. And if I wanted to turn it off—

Bam. Right. Good stuff, I like it. Let’s keep the switch. That’ll be all, Caroline.
[click]