case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2011-08-20 04:00 pm

[ SECRET POST #1691 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1691 ⌋


Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 13 pages, 314 secrets from Secret Submission Post #242.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 2 3 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 1 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

(Anonymous) 2011-08-21 04:11 pm (UTC)(link)
I was molested for my first time. This older dude literally fingered me until I cried, and for years I would feel sick to my stomach and I'd start crying if people who actually cared about me tried to be intimate with me. Then I just hit this phase where I was tired of being frustrated and scared of sex and I just fucked this dude that was five years older than me. It was weird, and he didn't last that long, and while it really helped me move on (like, it was way more effective than *waiting* for the right person and talking it over with the poor saps that dealt with my bullshit and therapy and all the other things I tried), sometimes I wonder how things would have been if I had done it another way. I can't really read virginity fics anymore, because I just feel like I wasted it.

I don't know... I finally, finally had good sex about a year ago, with someone that I actually cared about, and I was very glad I didn't have that anxiety anymore, so it's a toss-up. Maybe I'll be able to read sex fics again, but I just can't do it anymore because it's just too much baggage on my end.

same poster as the commenter above

(Anonymous) 2011-08-21 04:14 pm (UTC)(link)
Well, I guess I wasn't molested if all the guy did was finger me... So my first time was with the other guy that was five years older than me, and THAT was consensual.

I'm just tired of people having all these goddamn expectations about virginity. I used mine so I wouldn't be sad and anxious and fucked up in bed with people I cared about. I *tried* waiting, I *tried* therapy. I did YEARS of both, and it just resulted in therapists saying "Well, you'll get through it when you're ready," and boys who really, really fucking cared about me getting frustrated because I'd just feel sick whenever they tried to do anything more than make out with me. I'd give them blow jobs and stuff, but I just never felt comfortable with anyone touching *me.*

So... I don't know. ughh. I keep hoping I'll feel better about this as time goes on, but I really don't.