[ SECRET POST #1756 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1756 ⌋


Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 07 pages, 165 secrets from Secret Submission Post #251.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Comments

[aiffe.livejournal.com]

When I read this secret I thought I knew what you meant.

I don't meet many IRL geeks. I've met a few Suethors and a hardcore yaoi fan. Usually we're not in the same fandoms, though. Some of my friends are geeks, but not, like, fandom geeks. (In that, they don't write fic, draw art, make vids, basically, participate, but they consume geeky material.) But this one time, at a friend's birthday party, I met someone who was an actual fandom person, and actually in my fandom! (Her fandom was Torchwood, mine is Doctor Who/Whoniverse, which includes Torchwood. Hurrah!) I thought we'd hit it off right away! Except...she hated everything I loved. And she didn't just have a difference of opinion, she outright insulted me for liking these things. She said it was childish for me to like angst, and I needed to grow up. (WHAT?? ALSO. TORCHWOOD.)

All this would have been upsetting enough, but then she started extolling the virtues of a multi-chapter epic mpreg fic. I told her mpreg wasn't really my thing, but she said it didn't matter, this thing was so awesome I needed to read it anyway. I said I only very rarely read epics, that I mostly read and write oneshots, and she didn't care. Considering that 1) mpreg isn't really my thing, 2) I rarely read epics, and 3) this lady hated everything I loved about the show and called my biggest fic-draw "childish," I didn't exactly injure myself rushing to read this fic.

...so, yeah, this is the sort of weird, fanatical behavior I thought this secret was talking about. Where you get shamed for your tastes, and also shamed for not having their tastes, even if their tastes are not exactly mainstream. Or like, IRL ship wars, that kind of thing.

Instead, I see hatred of people who...what, aren't extroverted? Because I'm an introvert, in real life. I can't handle small talk, I answer "you too" to things that aren't mutually applicable, I'm awkward and overly fannish, and will show up to work in a Darth Vader helmet, or talk your ear off about my latest obsession whether you're interested or not.

I was actually pretty depressed when I posted an ad on Craigslist for fellow geeks, and got a lot of people who wanted to work out together, go shopping together, or get lunch in some kind of restaurant or cafe together. I do not like any of these things. No, I want to sit in a house and play video games or watch nerdy-ass scifi. (I do like some outdoor activities, and I'm fit because I bike freakin' everywhere, but the idea of boring, repetitive motions for the purposes of "getting fit" with no other benefit, no beautiful views or exciting things to see, no sense of adventure....no, never.)

I have a life outside of fandom, but it's....not as big as most people's. And I don't really prioritize it higher, as most people seem to. The me in fandom, that's the real me, that's the me you get when you really get to know me IRL. Why is this so awful? Am I a loser?

[taleya.livejournal.com]

I haev to admit, I thought OP was referring to people who don't realise that the internet is not real life as well. I've got a mate who spouts 4-chan memes like they're going out of style, gatecrashing conversations and generally being a "dude what the shit?" I ended up having to sit him down and talk to him about "acceptable spaces" after he posted a giant "It's a TRAP" pic on my FB when I was talking about trans rights. (Considering the goddamn maiden of honour at my wedding is currently transitioning? Not the smartest fucking thing to do)

I've had a woman cut me dead at a party because I wasn't a Tennant fangirl. This was not a fandom gathering. This was a farewell party for my sister in law and her other half as they were heading overseas for an extended period of time. What the shit. What the actual shit. Discussing fandom's fine, but when you start thinking the wilder sort of internet behaviour is the human norm, you really need to put the fucking keyboard down.

Conversely, I've also had mad yarns about a kinkmeme and story dev with a mate while getting progressively drunker and playing pool. One of my groomsmen wore a fez to my wedding. You have different comfort levels with different people - I've discussed the whole dissection of a sexual piece with the emotive forms and sentence structure and such with a friend, haven't done it with my husband - mostly admittedly because he's just flat out not interested - but it does illustrate the point.

The world isn't a meme. You find your own comfort levels IRL and your own groups that you do various things with. This doesnt' make you awful or a loser in the slightest