Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2011-12-22 07:42 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2011-12-22 07:42 pm
[ SECRET POST #1815 ]
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 41 secrets from Secret Submission Post #259.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 1 2 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.
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(not trying to shrug at your problem, I mean; I think it's great that fandom has made you more aware of same-sex relationships, but I do understand it is distressing when the issues follow you out of fandom.)
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(Anonymous) 2011-12-23 01:36 am (UTC)(link)I'm also in the position of being unsure of my sexuality. I'm sexually attracted to men, but I'm not certain if I'd sexually attracted to women too, or not. I find it totally confusing and frustrating that I don't know this about myself. I get that feeling like you don't know something so 'basic' can make you feel uncertain about the whole thing. I have a boyfriend, and have had sex with him, though. He does know about my uncertainties with my sexuality, but honestly, the most important thing when it comes to your boyfriend is not 'am I attracted to girls?' or 'am I attracted to boys?' it's 'am I attracted to him?'. That's what you should be basing your sexual decisions with him on. Do stuff you both enjoy, and don't do anything that either one of you doesn't enjoy, is really the best possible approach to having sex.
You don't need to have had a relationship with both a boy and a girl to be bisexual. It's okay to be having sex with your boyfriend and to have never had a relationship with a girl and to identify as bisexual/possibly-bisexual. On the other hand, if you think you might be homosexual, then that's clearly a problem when it comes to having relationships with guys. If you're not sure if you are actually attracted to him/want to have sex with him, tell him you're not ready yet. If he's the type of person you can have that kind of conversation with, it might even be worth discussing your uncertainties about your sexuality with him. My boyfriend has been supportive wuth my uncertainties, althoughobviously you are the best judge of whether that conversation will be bad for your relationship or not.
TL;DR Do do things you enjoy/crave doing. Don't do things that you're uncomfortable with. It's okay to be sexually active and still uncertain of your sexuality. It's okay to be uncertain in general, you can always figure more out or change your mind about things later. Good luck!
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(Anonymous) 2011-12-23 01:53 am (UTC)(link)I'm in that position too. At this point I'm pretty certain I'm attracted to women also, but I've never actually had a relationship with a woman though I'm not very young. (I know I wouldn't need to have a relationship to know, but I'm still not sure, so...)
Mostly people tell me I don't need a label, which is fair because I guess I don't but it is so bad that I want to know and not just speculate?
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(Anonymous) 2011-12-23 02:39 am (UTC)(link)I know there are a lot of people who know their sexuality without having had a relationship, but I honestly think having a relationship would help me figure it out, in my case (but I'd feel so unfair dating someone when I knew I wasn't sure. Gah).
Mostly people tell me I don't need a label, which is fair because I guess I don't but it is so bad that I want to know and not just speculate?
I get that all the time, and I know that yeah, it's not actually all that important in the grands scheme of things, but IDK. I'm the type of person who likes to have herself all figured out, I guess. I'd be fine not labelling myself as long as I knew precisely what I wasn't labelling. xD
Honestly, I gone through about a million different labels for myself. I've pondered just about every label I've come across other than 'entirely gay / homosexual' (at least I know one thing?). Heteroflexible, bisexual, bicurious, I've actually pondered asexual (although I'm now certain I'm not. Demisexual maybe though), Kinsey 0.5, Kinsey 0.1, Kinsey 0.05, heterosexual. *hands* At the moment I'm leaning towards calling myself a biromantic heterosexual. And maybe the romantic orientation vs sexual orientation thing is what's been tripping me up. But I'm not certain.
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(Anonymous) 2011-12-23 03:17 am (UTC)(link)but I'd feel so unfair dating someone when I knew I wasn't sure. Gah
Yeah, so much this. I wouldn't tell someone I was anything I'm not, and some people might be open to that, but many of those people might just want a sexual experiment type situation which is not something I could really get into. I mean, I might not like it just because I felt uncomfortable so it really wouldn't help.
For a while I kind of thought I might be a lesbian because my sexual experiences with men have been pretty bad. (That wasn't the only reason or that would be stupid, but that and the fact that I reacted strongly to visuals of women made me wonder.)
But lately I've developed this really huge crush on a male celebrity. Which doesn't prove anything either, but, without dispensing TMI, it's enough to convince me I could sexually respond to a guy. (Even one that, er, wasn't him. XD)
For now I'm saying "bisexual" because I'm really pretty sure I could be with a woman, and in fact I have one friend that if I could meet her in real life I think I could go for. (I wouldn't say I'm "in love" with her but that's mostly because I don't talk to her often enough to do that.)
Sorry for the long comment. I just don't get much chance to discuss it without people smiling and saying "You don't need a label, honey." Which isn't an evil thing to say but doesn't help.
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Don't panic! Sexuality is supposed to be about making you feel good. =) it CAN be confusing, but if it's genuinely scary, then it's also okay to take a step back and wait until you're comfortable to move forward.
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(Anonymous) 2011-12-23 02:20 am (UTC)(link)A crush on a friend - especially one you talk about sexual things with - doesn't have to be a big deal. Also, occasional fantasies about women don't mean you're bisexual. Now, if you're distracted from your boyfriend because you really want to finger your female friend while kissing her neck and fondling her breasts, you might be bisexual.
Again, you might actually be discovering that you're bisexual or lesbian. You would know that better than me... duh. But don't throw away what you have just because you aren't sure yet. If your current relationship ends, that would be a better time to explore your sexuality.
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If you want to have sex with your boyfriend and are attracted to him, go for it. But if this is something that really bothers you, maybe you could talk to him about it?
Honestly, I was raised strictly Southern Baptist and the idea that I might not be 100% straight didn't even occur to me until I was already married. (And let me tell you, that was 37 flavors of awkward.) However, my husband was very understanding and let me "explore" a bit, and I realized that I was bi.
So if you're happy with your boyfriend, I wouldn't do anything drastic. You might try talking to him, if you want. He might be able to talk you through your feelings or offer an outsider's perspective. And if, for some reason, you find yourself single again and you're still questioning, perhaps you could try dating a woman and see how you feel about it.