[ SECRET POST #1839 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1839 ⌋


Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 07 pages, 156 secrets from Secret Submission Post #263.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom.livejournal.com]

20. http://img690.imageshack.us/img690/2953/florenceandthemachine.png

[(Anonymous)]

Have you actually been saying offensive things, though?

[(Anonymous)]

From the "walking on eggshells" bit, it sounds more like OP and the rest of their friends are trying their damnedest not to offend this person, but the "friend" is determined to get their daily rage fix however they can.

[(Anonymous)]

It's such a weird thing though. I really don't know how to feel about this secret because I could easily see it either way. OP probably is trying hard... but maybe OP is also saying stuff that still rubs Friend the wrong way and Friend is just tired of it, you know? A kind of no-win situation. I mean, if I started telling people IRL that I hate sexist slurs and people saying "gay" and "retarded," I'd have no friends. I still hate them. And I'm sure my friends would feel like OP here. Who would be in the wrong? Well, in my opinion, nobody. I'd be standing up for what I believe in, and they would be standing up for their right to say what they want. Both are legitimate.

[(Anonymous)]

From what OP said further down thread, I think they may be using "offend" when they really mean "set off." According to OP, Friend's behavior is erratic; some days she'll be calm and cheerful, other days her temper is on a hair-trigger and she snaps/blows up at everyone.

[imati-lau.livejournal.com]

As someone who has recently lived a similar situation with a IRL friend, let me tell you some advice. You can try talk to your friend, and you tell him/her why you think they should seek help. If he/she doesn't want to see it and keeps doing all those abusive stuff to you... well, then you can be at peace knowing you tried to help, but then it's time to leave.

That's exactly what I did, and when he didn't respond I left that abusive relationship, and my now ex-friend kept displaying hate and resentment to everyone around him, until he lost pretty much everything (family, friends and now job). I don't have any regrets though. My emotional health is quite valuable to be with someone that abusive.

Some people just don't want to be helped. (Boy, did I learned that the hard way)

[(Anonymous)]

This. Once you just find it within yourself to let go of an abusive friendship, it's like an immediate upsurge in your quality of life. It's even worth whatever knee-jerk outrage you might experience from said friend, 'cause eventually, they'll quiet down and leave.

[imati-lau.livejournal.com]

Exactly. My life got a little better after I stoped being his friend, but it was really impresive how my life and everyone around him greatly improved the moment he was fired. It was as if he was this giant black hole of negative emotions and when he left, everyone felt so much relief...

And you're right. We really don't care what he plans to do to get his vengeance, this peace is so much worth it.

[dorknessrising.livejournal.com]

+1000. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. It's not worth trying to salvage a "friendship" with someone that toxic.

[imati-lau.livejournal.com]

Yeah. One may be tempted to try to salvage something that was once important to you, but the toxicity always ends up poisoning your own life. If I had know this earlier, I wouldn't have suffered as much as I did.

Hehe, that t-shirt comment was full of win. XD

[(Anonymous)]

OP Here. I have been giving this idea some serious thought. My friend is unpredictable. Sometimes, she's completely fine, and other days she thinks that everything anyone says to her is cause for an argument.

[imati-lau.livejournal.com]

That is exactly what you should tell her. Maybe she hasn't even realize it, or maybe she has but doesn't know how to stop. At any rate, she should know how her behavior is affecting others. If you feel like you are walking on eggshells all the time with her, then maybe things habe gotten a little too far. Good luck!

[hiyami.livejournal.com]

+1

[(Anonymous)]

Oh... ouch OP. I know how hard that is, as I can sometimes veer into that territory without realizing it. I hope things work out D:

[(Anonymous)]

As the "Weird thing"/"Both [would be] legitimate" anon from above, I have to say that if you don't like the way the friendship is going, you have no obligation to continue it. If you bring up that she should seek help, remember to sound as nice as possible. Not only will it make your friend more likely to listen, but it'll make cutting ties if she gets mad feel more like the right thing to do.

(I would also add that maybe you should try to look at why your friend is getting mad and just figure out what looks legitimate and what seems a little much. I tend to... try to empathize. Emotions are emotions and they can be hard to control, which is why I'm saying this.)

But seriously, you're not obligated to do anything you don't want to, and that's the big thing here.