Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2012-01-23 07:46 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2012-01-23 07:46 pm
[ SECRET POST #1847 ]
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: pages, secrets from Secret Submission Post #.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.
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Second of all, I don't think there's anything wrong with men privately talking about women (or men) they don't know that they find attractive.The problem isn't that they have those thoughts or that they voice them to their friends. What I DO think is the problem is when men think it's appropriate to make those comments TO women they don't know; that some men seem to think they can just say anything they like to any random woman they see.
Now of course I'm aware that there are many examples of fangirls saying deeply inappropriate things irl to male celebrities and I think that's as wrong as a man harrassing a woman in the street. But you can't seriously believe it's wrong for people to have sexual fantasies, and talking about those fantasies with friends, whoever you are, is just voicing those fantasies to like-minded people in a safe environment. It's something a lot of people not only want but need to do, it's sexual exploration, etc. And as long as everyone remembers it's just a fantasy and should never go near the person/people who it's about, I don't see any issue.
tl;dr a bit there.
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That's one part of fantasizing that I have a problem with. That's just beyond creepy. Another thing is when they bash the celeb's partner/spouse. That's just...ugh. Otherwise, fantasizing is just natural.
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This really annoys me because, to me, the only feasible reason why they would do this is if they're jealous. Do these fans honestly believe they have a sporting chance of hooking up with their celeb of choice, or is it more of a "well if I can't have him, NOBODY can!" mentality?
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I do sympathize a lot with the OP though, because similar stuff squicks me out, though it is slightly different. For me personally, there is a line I go to from 'ok' to 'squicked out'. I think it is fine to express appreciation of certain body parts or the hawtness of someone, but... Well, to use myself as a example-
If I dress sexy, I would be flattered if I knew someone was talking about how hot I was, or even how nice my ass looked (as long as they were saying this to their friends and I found out via other means, because social norms and all that).
However, if I found out someone was saying 'they have a nice ass, I would love to smack it 'till it turned red', I would be grossed out.
For me I try to avoid going from 'appreciation' to 'sexual fantasizing' for the same reason I am squicked by RPF. It just feels like writing RPF with me as the Sue. The strange thing is I don't judge other people for doing this, it's just something I am uncomfortable with. (Seriously, my sexual fantasies revolve around people I made up. That way I don't feel uncomfortable about it).
So in short, I don't think the OP is necessarily wrong for being uncomfortable with it. As long as she isn't judging other people for doing something fairly natural and not really wrong (kinda like how different kinks might weird you out, but it is perfectly fine for people to have them). So yes, pretty much agree with what you said. /tl'dr, I am rambly tonight. 14 hour work day makes me repeat myself way too much.
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There's a time and a place for everything, and I think most people can agree on what kind of behavior makes someone look like a total douchebag when it comes to shit like cat-calling.
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I think that a lot of women feel very empowered by the freedom to talk more openly about sex that has come about fairly recently, and that is a good thing. The irony, of course, is that talking about sexual fantasies to someone who doesn't feel comfortable hearing them is a form of sexual harassment. Of course, it's really only considered such if the victim of the harassment can't stop or avoid the "conversation", and the harasser knows that the other party feels harassed and continues. Nobody (that I know of) is forced to read forums.
My wish, however, is that women would use their new found sexual liberation responsibly, and consider the feelings of others before they overshare. In the case of movie forums, it's less about harassment and more about...just not being an ass. Such frank talk doesn't really bother me personally, especially not online, but I understand that it does really bother some people, and really, some forums are better than others for that kind of talk.
This discussion doesn't really affect me personally either way, but I find it intellectually interesting. Personally, I don't really think that an affinity for sleazy "locker room talk" is a male or female characteristic; I think it really depends on the person more than anything. And some people really do use it aggressively, loving how uncomfortable it makes other people (often of the same sex) who can hear them. Certainly there are guys who don't feel comfortable engaging in this kind of talk with other dudes after gym class or sports or at a work party,etc. And for guys there's often added pressure to fit in and not look like a "fag" or whatever, (and what if they are gay? that's even more of the AWKWARD) and so on and so on.
ANYWAY, I'm rambling (like usual), but my point is that the freedom to talk about sex openly is a double-edged sword, which we women get to learn more about every day (yea?).
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