fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1907 ]

[ SECRET POST #1907 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1907 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Disney's Gargoyles]

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[X-Men: First Class]

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[keanu reeves]

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[keanu reeves]

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

11. [SPOILERS for Death Note]

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12. [SPOILERS for Kuragehime]

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13. [SPOILERS for The Walking Dead]

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14. [SPOILERS for Supernatural]

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15. [SPOILERS for Mass Effect 3]

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16. [SPOILERS for Mass Effect 3]

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17. [SPOILERS for Mass Effect 3]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

18. [TRIGGER WARNING for sexual abuse]

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19. [TRIGGER WARNING for rape]

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20. [TRIGGER WARNING for rape]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #272.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - hit/ship/spiration ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Really? I'm interested to know why you think that. I think it helps reinforce the idea that demisexuality - like, as I've said, every other sexuality - is defined only by who you're sexually attracted to, not anything else.

how do you think things work for non-demisexuals? the vast majority of people feel the exact same way about sex as you do. why do you need a label for it?

From what I've seen, the vast majority of people are capable of sexual attraction to people they don't know personally. And I can only speak for myself on this one, but I like having a label because it helps me feel more normal.

You are normal.

JFC you are not special and different. You are a normal person. Tons of people don't feel any sexual attraction to people that they don't know very well. It is not a fucking orientation.

I don't consider myself special or different. Also, I'm not sure "tons of people" disqualifies it from being an orientation. There are tons of people in every "real" orientation, after all.

http://fandomsecrets.livejournal.com/860818.html?thread=533259410#t533259410

AYRT

Okay, I'll admit to having a slight learning disability which includes reading comprehension, but basically what I read is "demisexuality has no bearing on your sexual activities or who you are as a person" which means it's a completely pointless label.

As far as I understand it, "demisexuality" means you are only sexually attracted to people you've formed some emotional attachement to. This just seems like a pointless thing to label, as that's pretty much how most people are anyhow. So I'm just really confused about why anyone would call this an orientation or really bother with labeling themselves with it anyhow.

As I understood it, most people can be sexually attracted to epople they don't know? Like actors and hot strangers for one night stands whose names they dont know or whatever. I thought that was normal, so needing a pre-existing emotional connection is weird?

Idk I'm not demisexual or anything but I'd have thought "I can find total strangers sexy from their photos based on physical appearance alone" was the norm and not being able to do that was weird

That's what I got. For most people, having the emotional connection is a preference. For demisexuals, it's not a preference, it's a requirement.

Technically if you want to discredit demisexuality you'd be more accurate calling it a fetish (requires emotional connection in order to be turned on) as opposed to a preference (prefers one thing over another).

But wasn't Vethica just saying the exact opposite? That you could be demisexual and still feel sexual attraction for celebrities and such? That's what confused me so much about their reply.

I see where you were confused I think. She was saying you can be sexually attracted to celebrities without having sex with them as a point that attraction and having sex are different things, you can feel one without going ahead and doing the other or whatever. If you go back and read the comment though she wasn't saying demisexuals, it was a general "you" meaning people in this community who are mostly probably sexual

Yes, that's what I was trying to say. I'm sorry I was unclear.

SA

Like, demisexual people can have sex with people they're not attracted to, just like sexual people can be attracted to people they're not having sex with. The point she was making was that the act of sex and the feeling of sexual attraction are separate things

It wasn't like "demisexual people crush on celebs" ... I think

Okay, you've somewhat cleared things up for me. Thank you for taking the time and not mocking me. I still don't fully understand the label, but at the end of the day it really doesn't effect me one way or the other and so isn't something I must fully understand.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2012-03-24 01:49 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2012-03-24 01:55 (UTC) - Expand

So I fully admit to being asexual and therefore a little out of it when it comes to understanding sexual attraction, but I always thought when people spoke about finding celebrities sexy or whatnot they were being hyperbolic and really just saying they found them handsome/etc? Are people literally saying they are aroused by someone's looks?

...yeah, they are. A lot of the time anyway. How do you think people fap to porn?

I'm asexual and I fap to porn. Being aroused by watching people have sex is very different than being aroused by seeing some celebrity standing around on a red carpet or something.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2012-03-24 01:51 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2012-03-24 01:54 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2012-03-24 01:58 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2012-03-24 06:30 (UTC) - Expand

Yes, they're being hyperbolic, at least as far as my experiences go (as a sexual person and from, idk, not seeing friends not go full on sex mode when they see celebs they like).

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2012-03-24 04:47 (UTC) - Expand

Oh, no, I didn't mean to imply sexual attraction had no impact whatsoever on sexual behavior. For most people, it will probably influence a great deal of it. But the group of people you have sex with and the group of people you're sexually attracted to usually won't be exactly the same. And I believe the point I was trying to make was that demisexuality isn't "I only have sex with people I'm close to", it's "I'm only sexually attracted to people I'm close to".

Also, I see what you're saying. Most of the time, emotional attachment and sexual attraction are connected. But (again, I can only speak for myself here) I've had a lot of crushes to whom I was very emotionally attached, but I didn't experience sexual attraction until after I began dating someone, and then only to that one person. So it seems to me that there must have been a difference there, and when it turned out that other people also were like that and had a word for it, I didn't see any reason not to use that word for myself as well.

Thanks for trying to clarify. As I said upthread, I still don't really get it, but then I don't really need to get it. If the label helps some people come to terms or understand their own reactions and sexuality then it's no skin off my nose. Again, thanks for trying and not mocking my fail at understanding. :)

No problem! You don't have to get it, and heck, you can disagree if you want. I'm just glad you're open to listening and not just dismissing this stuff out of hand. It means a lot to me. :)

Based on what you've said previously in this thread, demisexuality is not defined by who you're sexually attracted to, but on the conditions that must be met before you may become sexually attracted to someone.

Sexual orientations are based on gender: homosexual - attracted to the same gender as yourself, bisexual - attracted to both genders, heterosexual - attracted to the opposite gender as yourself and asexual - attracted to neither gender.

Demisexuality, based on your description, indicates that a person must have an emotional connection to someone before finding them attractive. This is not the same. A demisexual person could simultaneously be one of the other orientations. For instance, if a demisexual person is only ever attracted to people of the same gender (once having formed emotional attachments) then they would also be homosexual, just one who isn't attracted to people until they get to know them. This overlapping makes demisexuality less than useful in a discussion about sexual orientation. Though, I'm sure it's very useful in discussing sexual attraction in individuals and groups.

When someone's only attracted to, lets say, blonds, we don't call that a separate sexual orientation, even if it truly isn't a preference and they only feel any attraction whatsoever to blonds. Why should emotional attachment get a special pass to change orientation? Because it is not physical? That seems to imply that any emotional and/or intellectual aspects of attraction aren't really part of attraction, but something else, which isn't really true.

It if for this reason that while I am certain that demisexuals exist, I think it describes something other than sexual orientation.

You have a good point. It's quite possible that it's not a sexual orientation as such, and if the community comes up with a better word for it, I'll start using that.

We totally need more words for discussing sexuality and sexual attraction. Not all of sexuality is tied up in orientation. Orientation is really important, but there are other aspects too and we don't have a good vocabulary for them.

Why don't we just call them orientation modifiers or something? Demisexual seems to have the same effect on orientation that all those a/homo/heteroromantic terms do.

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