[ SECRET POST #1946 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1946 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 092 secrets from Secret Submission Post #278.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - hit/ship/spiration ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

...what does it say about me that I assumed the OP's defensiveness is about whether others will think the outfit is "right" for his/her body type, and had no thoughts about its being a, let's say provocative, costume until I read the comments?

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, that's what I thought

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

It seems like the issue is usually "I want to cosplay this but I don't feel thin enough," so that's where my brain went.

[billybobfred0.livejournal.com]

I'm intrigued to know, because I thought the same thing myself.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

It probably reflects that I never think of anyone being given grief over cosplay just because it's sexy. So much cosplay involves revealing outfits, it doesn't seem like it would be any big deal! It probably also reflects that that's usually the issue I hear-- "I want to cosplay in this outfit but I'm afraid I'm not thin enough and people will say mean things."

[(Anonymous)]

OP

If I don't get into shape in time, that's my fault (though it would be pretty ungentlemanly if anybody drew attention to it, particularly as I'm not *that* far off to start with). No, I meant UNCOMFORTABLE uncomfortable. Like rape jokes and whatnot. Seeing as the last con I went to involved me and my friends being skeezed on out of costume, off the site, and the day before the con, it's got my back up just a little. (And yes that guy was involved in the con. I'm ashamed to admit I knew him).

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

I am clearly the most protected and naive creature who ever walked. People actually did that to you and your friends? Jesus wept. That's hideous.

[(Anonymous)]

OP

I know him well enough to be certain he was just drunk and trying to be friendly. But he kept coming up to us while we were trying to eat (we'd pre-booked, but he was waiting for a table at the bar) and, since he's a photographer and knew we were there for the con, really wanted to get our photos. One of my friends, who has some nasty stuff in her past as a matter of fact, had never met the guy before, and looked like she was going to throw up when he touched her on the shoulder. There was nothing objectively bad about what the guy said and did, but the four of us who DID know him were about ready to strangle him by the time he left. It wasn't the skeeziest skeeze that ever skeezed, but it was enough to make me aware of the fact that even at a friendly little con, not everybody knows how to behave sensibly - including BNFs like the photographer.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not sure I understand... he asked for pics and touched a shoulder? That's it?

[(Anonymous)]

Ye-eessss... but whilst leaning over us all beery, way into the personal space of the girl who didn't know him who was trying to eat, trying to get into our conversation, and just... well, it wasn't just me who thought it was grossly inappropriate. You maybe had to be there. But it was pretty nasty.

[(Anonymous)]

It might be a cultural thing (I know English people are more reserved) because while uncomfortable and a bit awkward, it doesn't sound like harrasement to me.

[(Anonymous)]

Or you're ignorant of the reasonable boundaries of some individuals. "he kept coming up to us while we were trying to eat" is what the OP said, and this implies that he would not take a hint to leave them alone.

[(Anonymous)]

OP should not have been hinting at the guy to leave. If they wanted to be left alone, they should have told him flat-out to go away. If they didn't, it is not the guy's fault for not getting a clue.

[(Anonymous)]

That is actually part of the English reserved nature. We're all actually quite passive aggressive so when it comes to a situation like that we have a few stages:

1. Politely hint at them leaving
2. Make the conversation uncomfortable to try and get the invading party to leave
3. Become irate
4. Demand that they leave whilst shouting.

This is pretty much a standard we have here. England is stupid sometimes...

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

Everyone is ignorant of other people's boundaries unless they are explained to them. All I was saying is that the guy sounds annoying, but not someone who was harrassing OP and their friends.

[(Anonymous)]

OP's skeezed out friend here:-

Let me set the scene for you- It's the day before the con and OP, myself and a bunch of friends are sitting in a booth which we had pre-booked in a restaurant ready to eat dinner and catch up. Then a drunken man walks over too the table *whilst we are eating* and starts asking us questions not even relating to the convention. He even makes a couple of really inappropriate comments which were quite lewd and uncalled for. He's leaning over me the whole time and is making me feel really uncomfortable especially the way he keeps touching my shoulder. I've never even met this guy. I never make eye contact and am being quite blunt with me replies so that they try and kill the conversation but he just stays. Then he asks to take a picture of us. Whilst we are eating. Before the con has even started. Whilst we are in plain clothes. And are BLATANTLY trying to have dinner.

That's what skeezed me out. Who even does this? Like. Fuck.

[(Anonymous)]

OP

He cornered us as we were going in, and tried it on with us twice while we were actually eating. He just wouldn't let up. We had to be really blatant when we told him to go away and not to take our photos.

[(Anonymous)]

Wait wait wait, some skeezy guy hits on you before the con. THIS sparks the whole "if someone says something inappropriate at a con in a sketchy costume, I'mma punch 'em"?? The con has no relevance, except you were going to it the next day...

Seriously, you might as well change it to "Next time someone (IN REAL LIFE) harasses me, I'mma punch 'em!"

There's several of you in this anecdote, why didn't at least ONE of you stop his advances then?

[(Anonymous)]

Apparently it's on everyone else in the world to make OP feel comfortable, so she doesn't have to take any responsibility for herself. You know, like how she can dress up provocatively in public and no one is allowed to comment on it?

[(Anonymous)]

da

commenting =/= harassing

it is not ok to make someone feel uncomfortable just because she chose to dress a certain way.

[(Anonymous)]

If a man walking up to a table and talking while OP doesn't bother to tell him to go away is enough to make her uncomfortable, people commenting on a sexy outfit is going to make her just as uncomfortable. Because she doesn't know how to deal with attention ("Stop, you're making me uncomfortable, please go away.") does not give her the right to physically assault people as her secret indicates she plans to.

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

Sounded to me like he was persistent despite getting a cold reception and got WAY into one person's personal space, which is definitely NOT ok. Especially since he was drunk. I'd be extremely uncomfortable too. It's also not far-fetched at all to expect that people will make rude comments, leer, etc. while she's wearing that outfit because sadly some people are pigs.

I would say punching someone in the mouth is going a bit far, but to be fair I interpreted the secret a little less literally than that. But you'd have to ask the OP. I don't blame her, though, for saying she would get angry and react if someone crossed the line with her.

[(Anonymous)]

ugh that would creep me the fuck out too

I can't stand it when people get in my space. especially strangers. especially male strangers.

[ariseishirou.livejournal.com]

Probably reflects a functional knowledge of cosplay culture, I'd say. There are going to be people dressed in even skimpier outfits than that, and (in my experience; not having worn those costumes myself, but observing those who did) catty harping on body shape is far, far more common than sexual harassment.

[yui-hime.livejournal.com]

I read it that way, too. o_O