fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1947 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1947 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 068 secrets from Secret Submission Post #278.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You've never heard of "getting a new screenname and only letting your friends know about it", have you?

And yes, that is the victim's responsibility because nobody else can do it for them. I don't know why that's so hard for you to understand. The only one who can stop you from becoming a target online is you, because you're the one who controls what sites you visit, what you post, and the privacy settings for whatever account you have.

It doesn't do much good when your bully tries to turn your friends against you.

I control my actions, but that doesn't stop me from being a target, I can only manage what happens afterwards.

Why are you excusing the instigators? There may be things the victim can do to avoid them, but they're not right for doing it.

If you're friends can be easily turned against you, then you either have really shitty friends and really shouldn't have qualms about leaving them behind, or you're a really shitty person whom your friends are better off without.

I'm not excusing the instigators, but whatever. I'm just saying that because you can walk away from it and do so very easily, nobody should have to waste their time standing up for you. It's your responsibility because you are literally the only one who can do it. Nobody else is able to step in for you because of the nature of the medium.

At this point I don't know if you really are this stupid, or a very dedicated troll.

Do you hear what you're saying? You want to paint it black and white, but it's not like that at all.

A bully isn't just some evil entity and how dare your friends fall to their side; they're human and might even be friends with your friends. I'd rather stand up to them, but the anon above (who might be you), wouldn't. Are you one of those shit friends then? You're still blaming the victim - if they lose their friends to a bully they deserve it. It doesn't work like that.

There are definitely times other people can step in. You're fooling yourself if you think otherwise.

Now it's you who isn't reading. Yes, it does work like that. If the bully is one of your "friends", that's totally on you. And if they can convince your other "friends" to believe them over you, then there's one of two things going on: 1) you have lousy taste in friends, which should make it easier for you to leave the community yourself. Or 2) your friends are joining the bully because you are the shitty friend and they're tired of putting up with you. There's really no other explanation for it. Sucks to be you.

And how exactly can anyone else step in? It's on the internet. All you can do is shout at each other in a really lame game of chicken until one of you gets too bored to continue.

Nope, what happened to me was a friend-of-a-friend was my bully. Divided my friend list pretty nicely, and fyi, she is definitely a nasty person from what I've heard.

You can stop it. You can not tolerate it in your journal; you can not tolerate it in your communities; you can be aware that good people and good friends can be bullies and stop them.

Well if this is the kind of shit you pull regularly, I'm not surprised they were able to convince half your flist to hate you. So you would fall into scenario #2.

You can "not tolerate it" 'til you're blue in the face. That's not going to stop the asshole from being an asshole and not giving a damn that you don't tolerate it. Short of hacking the bully's computer, you can't really do anything. And sorry, but no bully is worth federal prison time.

You just can't imagine that a person with a grudge can do a lot of damage, can you? Well they can. I lost a portion of my friends from one community. "The bully" later turned on them too. It wasn't me and that was a difficult thing to realize. Oddly enough, I made several friends after being attacked by her. Turns out other people had been targeted too. You can blame me all you want for being the target of a bully, but the truth is, she's attacked a lot of people. Either we're all bad people, or she is. Either that or friends can never ever have divided loyalties.

Yeah, I was totally talking about hacking. *rollseyes* What I'm talking about is peer pressure or moderation when you have that power. This is not a hard concept.

Also, how can you say that it's my own fault for losing friends and then say that you wouldn't stand up to a bully at all? A friend of yours always whispering in your ear how horrible [ljuser62] is will eventually reach a point of confrontation. Then you'll choose [ljuser62] or the bully, and it sounds like you're not willing to turn on the bully.

I repeat, if you were this irritatingly obtuse to your friends, it's no wonder you lost them to the bully.

The thing about peer pressure is you need peers. For someone hiding behind the anonymity of the internet, peer pressure loses all meaning. The bully doesn't care what your friends think. And if you aren't a moderator? *shrugs* SOL. Sucks to be you, I guess.

I just don't see the point in wasting time to stop online "bullies" (really more like trolls) that you can easily walk away from when that can be much better spent stopping the bullies you can't just turn off your modem to avoid.

You have not addressed one single thing I've said about the situation and your conduct has been despicable. I do not need you trying to blame this on me and I refuse to respond further. Your ignorance and callousness is disgusting. I truly hope you have a good long look at yourself in the mirror and think about what a bully actually is.

I can stop my friends from bullying people. They are my peers. It is more serious at the local high school and middle school, I'm sure, but that doesn't mean I can do anything here. With my friends, I have an influence and I'm going to use that to the best of my ability.

You keep saying it's so easy to walk away from and if you lose any friends its your own fault... have you ever actually been targeted online yourself? Have you ever had an account you couldn't just walk away from? Have you ever been afraid of losing your friends, but afraid the bully would find you again too? You're doing nothing but trying to find new and creative ways to blame the victim. Would you blame the victim of any other attack? How did they deserve what they got? If they bitched about it too much did they deserve to lose their friends? Please tell me more about how it's always the victims fault for not doing enough prevention, how it's always their fault if they lose relationships, and how no matter what the attacker has said or done, the victim is really responsible for their own treatment.

I know the victim can take steps to prevent this happening, but that doesn't make them wrong when it does. The attacker is always to blame.

I actually have addressed everything you've said. Multiple times, because all you've done is repeat yourself. That you refuse to listen to anyone who doesn't give you asspats isn't my problem.

No, you really can't stop your friends from doing anything. If you hold such great influence over them, then why'd you lose half of them to a bully in the first place?

Have you ever actually been targeted online yourself?

Yes.

Have you ever had an account you couldn't just walk away from?

No. User accounts are both free and expendable.

Have you ever been afraid of losing your friends, but afraid the bully would find you again too?

Nope, because I'm not a drama addict who is apt to pull the same shit under a different screenname, and I would not lose friends because I would privately message them to let them know what my new screenname is.

I do not need you trying to blame this on me and I refuse to respond further.

Oh good. Because while pointing out all the fallacies in your argument could qualify as an Olympic sport, I have work tomorrow and really need to be getting to bed. But as you're the type who seems to need the last word, we'll see how long your "I'm not responding anymore" schtick lasts. Based on the current pattern, I give you about a 20 minutes.

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