fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1967 ]

[ SECRET POST #1967 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1967 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 051 secrets from Secret Submission Post #281.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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01. http://i.imgur.com/jvpjX.jpg

Semi related to your secret, but I really want to out this two-faced troll of a person who I used to know but no longer speak to, but we share a lot of mutual friends.

She's incredibly false and two-faced to the people she deems to be her "friends". She'll bitch about them behind their backs, even going as far as using the word 'hate', but the next minute she'll suck up to them and even go out of her way to buy them things.

She's written hurtful fandom secrets about people in fandom, then befriended them a while down the line. WTF?

She also lies and exaggerates situations in order to make her seem like the better person and get people on her side.

It really is infuriating to see her circle jerking with all these people she claims to hate.

What should I do?

My answer to both of you is to treat it like you would a situation in REAL life. The formula is the same, the ingredients are up to you. It's kind of like working with someone you can't stand, you just gotta buck up and deal with it and power through it. Nothing stays the same, nothing.

What she's doing is shitty, but in cases like this it's not really worth it to try and 'warn' people or tell them what she's really like. Unless the person you tell is seeing through her bs already, you'll just come off as being a bitter ex-pal and run the risk of alienating mutual friends. Just let nature take its course. Sometimes people have to find shit out on their own.

Yeah, this. It's impossible for this kind of person to get away with the lies and the falseness all the time. Eventually, everyone notices the truth.~~And it's so sweet when that happens.~~

Then you can go on without any remorse of you doing any harm to her, and live with a clean conscience.

I completely agree with what the two of you have said in this thread.

I am in a similar RL situation, and one of the hardest things I've ever had to do is bite my tongue, and put my head down, and go on about business. And what's lovely is that slowly all the people around me are starting to see how disingenuous this person is and how untrustworthy ze is without any input on my part. If I go around talking about hir, even with the best attentions, I risk being accused of sowing discord or lying myself. It takes a long time sometimes, but letting life itself mete out justice can be really satisfying. And I truly believe that at some point in every person's life, ze gets back what ze's sowed.

*hugs*

I'm sorry you're in that situation right now.

I lived an identical situation last year, and having to shut my mouth and pretend anything was wrong even if the whole thing was eating me inside was one of the hardest things I have done in my life. But, yes, as you said, people started noticing in time, and yes, she got back every single hellish moment that she made all the people involved go through. I can't deny it was awesome in a Schadenfraude sort of way.

I hope you get out of that situation soon enough, and I wish you the best of lucks! *hugs back*

AYRT

Thank you so much. It really helps hearing that.

I know you're not supposed to want revenge, but it's hard not to want it, and somehow it's so much sweeter when you get it without even trying for it. Karma is awesome.

No problem. :)

I know you're not supposed to want revenge, but it's hard not to want it

Oh, yes. Been there, done that. It's almost impossible not to desire for it if the person is putting you through living hell; I admit one of the things that I was more angry about the whole situation was that she made me WANT to get revenge, even if normally I try to be a good person with the people around me.

Karma will get her. Although you have to keep in mind, that even if she will pay for everything she has done, it is also possible that you don't get to see it happen, and you have to accept that possibility. But it is inevitable that she will reap what she sowed.

Edited 2012-05-23 02:46 (UTC)

Living well is the best possible revenge. May you live VERY well. ;)

I have a problem like that at work. Made a bit easier by the fact that the person is disliked by a few colleagues, however they are very popular with management. (sucking up to management is part of the reason why they aren't liked by colleagues) Problem is, they hate me because I got a promotion a few years ago and am now senior, although don't manage them. This person has gone behind my back and created all kinds of problems for me, often I've found out after people have left and they felt safe to tell me.

Anyhow what I wanted to say is I do spend a lot of time thinking about revenge, but not violent or anything, just the person getting found out, preferably arrested by the police and imprisoned. (I know it's a bit of a stretch in terms of there not being laws against lying and causing trouble for work colleagues, but it's a dream..)

This sounds a lot like one of my ex-friends.

Just ignore her, anon. Stop reading her comments and thinking too much about who she friends. Like shukivengeance said, you can come across as the bitter ex-pal if you "out" her and risk losing your mutual friends. And it's not worth it.

Are you sure she isn't just throwing words around without understanding how seriously other people take them?

I mean, I had no idea people took my words so seriously until fairly recently...

I used to throw the word "hate" around and even used it against family and friends and lost one friend and earned my whole family's ire, close and extended, because of it. This happened all around the same time too... needless to say, after the long, long time it took to patch things up the rightfully insulted family member, getting lectured by everyone in my family, and losing that friend, I learned that my words have a LOT more weight than I ever thought they did.

SO, YEAH. I was a big mess with no social skills who spoke words carelessly. Still majorly clueless, but I like to think I'm being a biiiit more careful now and less likely to be hurtful.

Are you sure she's still the same?

Maybe this person, too, has just started to learn the error of her ways and genuinely wants to befriend those people?

I guess you should only warn them if you're sure she hasn't changed...

Ah man, sorry to hear that OP. Just joining in with what the others have said. She should leave you out of the drama if you don't interact with her in any form. Don't comment on her stuff, distance yourself from her "friends" unless they're mutual friends of yours (in which case, keep your opinion to yourself.) Just do your own thing. If you tell others about her, she might catch wind, call you out on it and make you seem like the dramatic one. Just be friendly and positive. If there's a circle jerk going on about her, there's no need to say anything at all if it might be taken out of context for the worse.

For some reason, this reminds me of my friend who likes a really overrated voice actor that has done plenty of awful/annoying things but still has a huge gathering of fans that blindly worship him. Not really the same thing but yeah... All you can really do is shrug, move past it and focus on yourself. Sorry if this seems like a useless or redundant comment.

Sometimes ignoring people just doesn't work depending on the site that you are on. You can block them from commenting but not block them from showing up on sites. Keep trying to ignore them. I wish there was a button to make karma work faster.

You can block them from commenting but not block them from showing up on sites

That's what I hate the most. I think I had to leave instagram, facebook, and twitter because of this.

You may not personally interact with them but their stuff still shows up on certain sites. To avoid them you have to avoid the site which sucks if you really like said site.

Oh man, we're in the same boat, OP.
I wish there was some advice I could give you, but you can't change people who won't acknowledge their own problems. The only thing I can tell you is echoing everyone else: don't interact with them. If they choose to interact with you, be polite but keep it brief as possible. If they try to start drama with you, shut it down as fast as you can don't play into their games: it's not worth it and eventually, they'll give up and bother someone else.

Good luck, OP!

Such good advice, Lobo. <3 Because yeah, having had dealt with someone who wouldn't acknowledge her own issues, and kept repeating the same mistakes... It's just not worth it.

Are they a constant sourceofdrama,orjust a one time event? I use to hate this girl in fandom who I thought was an aweful person, till I got to know her. I learned her outbursts were mostly from a lack of VERY needed medication, and she later made amends with a lot of people/

It depends on what the person is doing. If she's pretty much just a black hole of narcissism and drama, leave her alone, especially if she's generally well-liked. If you have any specialized interests in the fandom that she wouldn't be into (say, you ship different things, or you like gen and she doesn't) then try to enjoy the corners of the fandom that you know she'll leave alone. Don't bother outing her- if she's really that bad, eventually it'll come out on it's own and you'll still have your hands clean.

If she's actually doing things that could really hurt people IRL, then you might want to consider outing her, if you think there's a way you can do it that isn't traceable back to you and won't blow up in your face. If you don't have that option, though, learn to live with her being around, or leave the fandom.

Wow okay, I am just like the person you're talking about, except I've never been called out for it or have anyone take notice.

I bully, talk shit, stab backs, but try to be as nice as possible on the front. I want to have friends but I get jealous very easily and often. I guess it stems from insecurity. I can't say that kind of behavior is excusable, it's downright disgusting. The things I've done have given me extreme remorse, however I still continue to do it.

I am a giant bitch.

The only way to stop being that way is to realize that you are not the center of the universe. Other people matter. Their feelings matter.

It's not too late to change. You can make amends. Good luck! :)

That sounds like a very stressful way to live.

Change is hard, but not impossible, and you'll probably be happier if you stop hurting people, even if it doesn't seem that way at first.

The cool thing about being insecure is that it's not a permanent state of mind. It sounds impossible, I know, but you can change it.

It's taken me a lot of effort and I'm still working on it to this day, but the less I cared about what other people thought of me, the happier I was! And you don't even need to be rude or dismissive or anything.

Put yourself and your well-being as a priority. That's not being selfish.

Good friends will come to you if you let them, you don't have to seek them out and hoard them. Remember that like attracts like and such, so if you want to have good, loyal friends, you need to be a good, loyal person. Not obsessive, not hounding, not controlling, not martyred; just be there for them if they need you. That doesn't mean enabling bad behavior or being an accomplice, just listening to them and helping them if you can. People will stop escaping you that way and there won't be a need to be jealous.

Learn to be more comfortable with yourself. Stop fearing loneliness; just embrace those moments of peace and quiet as a respite to reorganize your thoughts and find activities for yourself, so that you can better enjoy moments with other people.

TL;DR: Being Good Feels Good. Come back to the light side, it's awesome! Changing takes years of effort, but it is so, so worth it, you have no idea.

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[ SECRET POST #1967 ]

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