fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1979 ]

[ SECRET POST #1979 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1979 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Friending Meme if people want to add each other on DW!

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 115 secrets from Secret Submission Post #283.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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22. http://i.imgur.com/GG9pR.png

You're not alone, OP. The reason I don't use a beta for my fics is because I only have a finite amount of time in which to post a fic once it's finished, before my self doubt gets the better of me. Once the fic is posted I often have to force myself to walk away from the computer and resist the urge to just hit the delete button, because I'm convinced it's 'that' bad, and my daring to post a fic is tantamount to embarrassing my fandom. If I didn't love the characters I write about so much, and want more people to write them, I doubt I'd ever publish any fics at all.

I have the same kind of anxiety, which is why all my fics are currently locked up in a private journal.

Same here. They used to be public, but I fluctuate between being okay with posting fic online, and freaking out about it.

You had the balls to put it up, and the fortitude not to take it down.

Good on you OP. Good on you.

+1 to this entire comment

This!

(And hell, just commenting anonymously is sometimes a thing for me, which is part of the reason I made an account. If you can overcome your fears I say bravo, OP. Normal or not, you aren't alone.)

I shall love and cherish this image forever. <3

Not at all, it's scary to put yourself out there, to open yourself up to criticism. And the internet can be harsh.

Did it go over all right? Since by now it's been up for a bit, don't leave us in suspense! :)

Also, that's my birthday, so I am totally rooting for it to be a smash hit that is currently taking your fandom by storm. Squee by association or something.

The fandom's a small one with no new canon in years, but it's been fave'd twice, got one review, and has got 23 unique viewers over the three days it's been up. I AM SO HAPPY PEOPLE LIKE IT OK, already planning to write more~

(despite the AO3-fic background it's on ff.net XD)

Re: OP

kelincihutan - 2012-06-04 04:08 (UTC) - Expand

Nope, that sounds pretty common to me. I hate everything that I write, until a few months later when I read it and go, "oh, that's not so bad then." Good job for walking away and not deleting though!

Oh, OP, you're definitely not alone. The first fic I wrote in my current fandom (not my first fic EVER, but my first for years), when I started writing it I could only get one or two words down at a time, then I had to close it and do something else because I was terrified. Then when I posted it I almost just deleted it all, because I thought it was bad. The positive response was overwhelming and a real confidence booster, but even now whenever I post something I'm never happy with it until I get praise. ^^;

It might not be "normal" but you're definitely not the only one. I do this all the time with comments or forum posts or whatever. Sometimes I'm cool and sometimes I freak the fuck out.

Congratulations on being able to make that first step to overcome your shyness. The next story you post will be easier, anon. And the one after that will be easier still. Keep it up.

TYVM, I will <3

Why not join a private writing circle, or team up with another writer and exchange scripts to beta each other and give advice and so on. I bet there are forums out there like that. Just make your posts friends only or in a members-only forum so you won't feel like the whole internet is judging you. If you start getting good feedback you can improve, and that might help you get past this self-doubt of yours.

Er, disagreeing with this.

Betas give concrit. Concrit can be a useful tool if you have a thick skin and strong spine. When you're a quivering lump of anxiety and are terrified you suck and are barely managing to not delete your fics as it is, concrit can make you just hate your stories, think you suck as a writer, and damage any confidence you might have had.

Moreover, concrit isn't even the best way to improve. It helps with minor mechanical things, but the big stuff mostly comes with experience, which comes with confidence. I know we're taught that you need a thick skin and lots of tearing apart to improve, but honestly, what a lot of authors really need is some cock-slurping praise so that they get to the point where they like writing enough to keep at it, and are confident enough to think critically about their writing.

For example, I now actually proofread my work and fix repetitive/awkward word choices. I couldn't do that in the past because my own work embarrassed me so much. I have enough experience writing now that I can actually read stuff on structure and whatnot and have it mean something to me, all because I had friendly reviews to get me through that awkward phase.

I still only use betas on rare occasions, because I find the process to be rather awkward. I sometimes share my fics with friends before posting, and do have an, "if you see anything glaringly wrong, let me know and I'll fix it" policy, but it's much more informal than an official beta, and I get a lot more cheerleading than I do concrit. I'm perfectly comfortable with this, and I feel like I'm a good writer. Whether that's a delusion or the truth is pretty irrelevant. I'm having fun posting my fics, which is what the OP wants.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2012-06-05 05:47 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

aiffe - 2012-06-05 06:22 (UTC) - Expand

I always feel like that when posting fic. I've gotten over it lately, but especially when I first started, I was very, very nervous, to the point of having near-panic attacks and refusing to read comments in case I screwed up massively.

Actually... having spent probably a decade in various writers' groups? That's completely normal. I had to talk a friend out of deleting a book that was good enough that an agent had requested to see the entirety of, because she thought it sucked. (She then went to rewrite it from the ground up, decided it still sucked, and, from what I've heard from mutual friends since I'm no longer in contact, she ditched it entirely because "It sucked." Argh.)

This is really, really, really not that uncommon.

I will say, however: DON'T DELETE IT. I have NEVER, EVER, EVER read a story that the original author thought "sucked" that actually did. It is, ironically, usually the people that write well that think this, not the people whose writing needs tons of work.

OP

(Anonymous) - 2012-06-04 03:56 (UTC) - Expand

Whenever I write fic, I always do it in the middle of the night. Once I'm done I post it and go to sleep immediately. The one time I posted a fic not in the middle of the night - like, around 6 PM - I stayed online afterwards and it was nothing but hand wringing and terror. I need that gap in online activity between posting a fic and coming back to see if it got any reviews, otherwise I'm just much too anxious.

you put a ton of effort into a piece of work that's important to you and it's finally done

you're allowed to be emotional about this, op, I mean it

I think it's cool, what you've done. be proud!

OP

(Anonymous) - 2012-06-04 03:51 (UTC) - Expand

Oh gosh, this. And then if I get a comment on something I get that sick panicky anxiety feel.

This is my problem with other things too, like art. For the lingest time I just can't seem to show things to anybody without feeling embarrassed and paranoid while thinking what I've made is the worst thing ever. It's gotten so bad that it was actually an issue in school. :(

I've been trying to work on it and I hope I'll get better, but I admire people who are brave enough post things and keep it up long enough for someone to be able to see/read it and consider it. I think you're very brave, OP.

OP

(Anonymous) - 2012-06-05 05:49 (UTC) - Expand

Oh, I know this too well. :( Earlier this year I worked on a picspam for maybe a month straight and right after posting it I just felt like dying. For two weeks I was firmly convinced the entire fandom hated me. I still can't look at it without being ashamed even though I know how much love and work went into it. :/

Kudos to you, OP, for being so brave. I hope you keep writing! :)

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