[ SECRET POST #1981 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1981 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 68 secrets from Secret Submission Post #283.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I'm a lesbian and not all girls work for me either. Where does this notion even come from that all girls should work for you? Do all guys work for you?

Anyway, if you don't feel comfortable coming out, keep in mind that you don't have to. Also, have you actually identified as heterosexual on your fandom account? Because unless you've proclaimed your heterosexuality repeatedly, I'm sure nobody will harass you about having "just" liked guys before.

If you still decide to come out, I hope everything goes well!

[murderershair.livejournal.com]

I'm a lesbian and not all girls work for me either. Where does this notion even come from that all girls should work for you? Do all guys work for you?

Anyway, if you don't feel comfortable coming out, keep in mind that you don't have to.

All of this. I'm actually not technically "out" in real life to my family (though I think they kinda know) because I just don't feel like it's any of their business, and it's not a huge part of my life right now.

[elialshadowpine]

Seriously. It's not like straight women are attracted to ALL THE MENZ... so why would bi or lesbian women be attracted to all women? Makes no sense.

[(Anonymous)]

there's probably some sort of pressure to prove she's "bisexual enough" to... well, to whomever would bother telling someone they're not, i guess?

it's so silly. i'm not attracted to all the women, my girlfriend is not attracted to all the women, and i really hope the OP is reading this outpouring of support because it's kind of a beautiful thing.

[broadwaybabe11.livejournal.com]

There are pressures to be "bi enough." Especially when there's a stigma that bi girls are attention whores who are faking it.

[tenlittlebullets]

Eh, I understand the feeling... for as long as I can remember I've been attracted to most reasonably good-looking women, and for a while there I couldn't even tell what made a man be considered conventionally attractive or unattractive any more than I could speak Tagalog. So it was a total mindscrew in late adolescence to find myself ferociously attracted to certain men on a rare case-by-case basis. Like... it bore no resemblance to what I thought about when I heard the word 'bisexuality,' and it also bore no resemblance to my understanding of how my own sexuality worked.

IDK, I just know that even if I'm not attracted to ALL THE LADIES, my attraction to women is a much more general thing, to the point where the prettiness of girls around me becomes part of the background noise of my life. My attraction to men is rare enough for me to notice when it happens, limited to a handful of specific guys, and often distracting in its intensity. It's enough to make me waver constantly between "bi but really choosy about men" and "lesbian with a string of exceptions," because neither is really true--I can see how something similar could also be a mindscrew for the OP.

[loki]

Heh. Yes. This. This is me. It's confusing.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not sure exactly what OP means but I have heard some lesbians tell bisexual girls that if they're only attracted to very beautiful women or celebrities it doesn't count. Or that bisexuality is only theoretical until they've had an actual relationship with a woman (hookups and experimentation don't count or something).

[(Anonymous)]

OP here

It always has seemed like the media/any external stuff I've seen has indicated that bisexuals like guys and girls equally. Like, you're only bi if you're right in the middle of the Kinsey scale.

And I never talked to anyone about it because...well, see the secret.

[(Anonymous)]

Hey, you're not only bi if you're a three on the Kinsey scale. I'm a five and I identify as pansexual so...you use the label that you're comfortable with. You define it for yourself. It's about you being yourself and being comfortable with yourself.

[broadwaybabe11.livejournal.com]

This. Labels are just labels. I think our sexuality is more complicated than a label, at least for most of us, and we choose whatever label we feel most comfortable with.

[wintergrey]

Dear OP, here is a "quiz" from the fabulous Scarleteen that breaks it down really well. http://www.scarleteen.com/article/gaydar/bi_the_dozen_a_bisexuality_quiz In there is a link to this very salient article: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/im_bisexual_so_why_dont_i_feel_exactly_the_same_about_men_and_women

Bisexual means that there are ways and reasons that you might be attracted to a person of either sex or gender on the standard male/female binary—either a specific person or people in general. That's all. If you feel like you're bisexual, you're bisexual. Sexuality identification like the Kinsey scale is not an absolute, it's only a prediction of future possibilities based on past experience and past and present fantasy. Sexuality is fluid and it's more than binary.

If people give you crap around being bisexual when you're acting in good faith then they're biphobic and they suck. They don't know better than you. You know best. Good luck. <3

[(Anonymous)]

Ugh, I can't visit scarletteen. I've heard wonderful things about it, but it's on a list of domains that's blocked on my parent's network, and the proxy I use to get around it is spotty at best. It sucks, but they feel like their adult children still need supervision, apparently.

[wintergrey]

I reposted both articles in my journal, I know Heather won't mind. Feel free to read if you'd like.

That really does suck. If you need anything else you can PM me or email evithwintergrey at gmail. I'm a parent of an 18yo, myself, and that thinking is baffling to me, even though I grew up with parents like that.

[(Anonymous)]

Wow, thank you so much! You're too kind. :) They were both really interesting, and I have to admit, reading the quiz just really...idk, made me happy/filled me with hope, to put it in the uber-cheesy way.

I don't get it either. Especially since my parents did this all one before with my (much) older siblings, and their lives were pretty monumentally effected(read: screwed up) by their lack of experience in relationships of any kind. Hell, we all lack traditional social skills thanks having been homeschooled(being homeschooled was good; not being allowed to participate in homeschooling social events and such not so much) Only now that I'm in college and in fandom have I discovered a lot of stuff and started to try to identify who I am and how I feel about myself and others. I'm still underage(17; yay for early graduation!), so they can control what I consume and what I do(I'm not allowed to date, even...), but it's...frustrating. I know why they do it, but you'd think that noticing the bad choices my siblings have made would make them alter their perceptions.
Sorry, I'm just spilling my life story, now. To be frank, it's nice to have someone to talk to who isn't gonna judge me from how they already know me.

[wintergrey]

Glad you liked the articles. :) You sound like a smart person with their head on straight—I'm glad you have fandom to help you with that socialization. Being restricted the way you are has to be maddening, but I wish they'd had the internet when I was your age! Even though I'd known since I was little that I wasn't straight, I tried to do everything "right" according to the Church and ended up married + kid before I had a chance to do much else. If nothing else I try and make some safe space around me for other people to work out who they are, since I had such a hard time with it myself.

You're welcome to talk to me/at me as much as you like. *g* You can come back to these comments any time or get in touch some other way. Fandom can be pretty awesome—it looks like there are a lot of people here who support you.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, if I didn't have the internet, I think I'd go mad. I've been online since I was ten(FF.net!), so I've kinda grown up alongside it, and it's a large part of why I'm (relatively) well adjusted. Thankfully my parents' controls only extend to the internet peripherally(the blocking I mentioned, and that's a recent thing).

Again, thank you so much. I've got a lot to mull over, and I'm actually drafting a post for some of my close friends that I trust to talk it with them. In the end, I know it comes down to me and my choices, but I want to put out some feelers and see how things are with them.

[(Anonymous)]

Also, I installed Tor, and now I can read all the Scarleteen I want! There are some truly awesome articles on that site.

[0jack]

Tor is fantastic. \o/ I'm so glad you figured something out.

[wintergrey]

And, once again, I log in under the wrong account. *g*