fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1989 ]

[ SECRET POST #1989 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1989 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 048 secrets from Secret Submission Post #284.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

So I'm a bi girl who's had...unfortunate experiences with lesbians treating me badly on account of my being bi. The "You're just an attention whore who wants men to think you're hawt" crap, the "you give us REAL lesbians a bad name with your shallow fakeness and we would NEVER date you because you're not trustworthy" crap, the "you don't count as queer because you can pass" crap, all that. I'm actually more scared to come out in front of lesbians than straight people, after all that. But I posted about it on another comm and this BITCH condescendingly told me that I needed to shut up about it because straight people were the "real enemy" and nothing bad that lesbians said to me counted. She also tried very hard to shame me for having a kink she found "oppressive," which was that I find the fantasy (NOT THE REALITY) of being forced to have sex with another woman while being watched a turn on. The fact that I'd never ever want to have this happen to me or anyone in reality didn't matter, apparently, and having this imaginary fantasy MUST mean that I'm a stupid ignorant moron who has no clue that queer women (LIKE ME) are fetishized by men, and who is contributing to oppression by secretly fantasizing about this in my own head. This woman basically told me that any bad treatment I received from other queer people should be hushed up and I'm not allowed to be upset about it or complain in any way, and that I'm not allowed to fantasize. Sorry if this is out of place to post here, I just don't have anywhere else to talk about it and I'm so MAD.

*hugs*

I'm sorry you had that experience.

Vent away!

Ignore her and laugh in her face. She probably has a crappy life IRL and just wants to take it out on anonymous people on the internet who can't make her life difficult by scrounging for excuses to shame other people in order to make herself feel superior.

As for any lesbian women who shame you for being bi, fuck them. Assholes exist. Some of those assholes are women. Some of those assholes are lesbians. You don't have to listen to them any more than you have to listen to assholes of any other gender or orientation.

Vent away! As the anon from a few posts back who was hesitant about embracing her bisexuality, this is what I was so worried about.

But I'll just repeat what everyone told me(a la the paraphrase!); just because you're LGBTQ doesn't mean you're instantly not phobic of others and it doesn't give you a free pass to belittle others. Period. People who do are uneducated in that area and misinformed, and unfortunately, it's making them into bigots. Just rest safe in the knowledge that you have the high ground, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with you and your hot self, anon. ♥

*shakes head* Seriously? I can't believe someone would say something like that? Anon, the woman's ignorant. If you're comfortable with who you are, that's all that matters. Don't let her get you down.

DEAR GOD CAN PEOPLE SUCK. :(

Seriously, vent away. It's stunning how supposed SJWs will overlook the fact that biphobia is a thing. And yeah, I think kink memes prove pretty well that people have fantasies that it would not be a good idea to act out IRL and that's okay.

And yeah, I think kink memes prove pretty well that people have fantasies that it would not be a good idea to act out IRL and that's okay.

This has been gone over a lot on f!s too - talking about how rape fantasies ARE NOT THE SAME THING as actually liking rape or thinking it is ok, etc. I think anon will find a lot of support here because people are more understanding about that.

I think straight people and gay people alike can be irrationally jealous of bi people - not so much jealous of their orientation but more just looking for a scapegoat for general negative feelings, and they go the "you get to have the best of both worlds!" route which is...just...really dumb.

I don't think it's just jealousy; I think it's also that bi people violate that rule where the most recent person you had sex with is your one true sex partner ever and none of the other things you've done or thought about doing are relevant to your sex life, etc. We're acknowledging multiplicity. A lot of people find some reason or other to hate that, or believe shitty untrue things about people that do that.

This woman sounds like an ass.
I think many lesbians/gays are sometimes intimidated by bisexuals (NOT ME THO), because they don't want to feel used. They don't want to be "just a phase" or an experiment that you, as a bisexual, get to walk out on after you're done with them, and that's why they tend to lash out. At least, that's what I've been told on many an occasion. It's totally unfair and prejudiced IMO, but what can you do? Bigots are bigots.

Just ignore her.

wow, that's terrible. Do these people forget there is a B in LGBT? Christ almighty. Tell them to go fuck themselves. That's probably all you can do. By the sounds of it this person is too SJW crazy to listen to anything rational you could say. D= Damn, now I'm mad too.

Do these people forget there is a B in LGBT?

That's actually kinda what I thought too

(Hi new flister who I keep running into here. I just like your comments I guess ok. and your awesome Karkat icons XD)

Hi! and thanks XD sadly I only have three Karkat icons, but they come in handy quite a lot =D

I have a few from my LJ account that I love:

Karkat is my all-time second favorite troll and also my patron troll. (Between him and the Signless, I am very proud to be a Cancer! :D)

I decided to go with a new one for my DW account and limited myself to only one due to the plethora of fandoms and characters I adore. I HATE ONLY HAVING 15 ICONS D:

Hahah I love the leader control center one. XD Karkat is great. I think Terezi is probably my favourite (and also my patron troll, coincidences abound! XD), though Karkat is definitely up there too.

I totally took advantage of the lj import thing and... made a new account on lj just so I could import the icons from it over here so I could have 30. They'll all deactivate if I go to the manage userpics link, though, but I think it was worth it, even though I feel kind of bad about it. (I'm sorry DW I just don't have any money to give you right now! I would if I could.)

/complete derailment from original post =P

Terezi is my moirail's favorite! And she's up there for me too. She has great chemistry with both Karkat (I don't ship them flushed but gog I love their friendship/whatever it is) and with my favorite troll (icon relevant; I also like to ship them caliginous and just basically love them together as badass awesome chicks. 3SP3C14LLY 4S TH3 SCOURG3 S1ST3RS).

It's funny because Moirail and I cosplay as our favorite trolls and we pose with them fighting each other like they totes hate each other but in reality we're best friends.

Re: this is kinda OT but I don't have anywhere else to vent...

hornpile - 2012-06-14 07:07 (UTC) - Expand

Re: this is kinda OT but I don't have anywhere else to vent...

diet_poison - 2012-06-18 14:08 (UTC) - Expand

I'm so sorry people are treating you like that.

Maybe homophobia (though not straight people in general) is the real problem, but bi-shaming is based in homophobia (and bi woman shaming is based in sexism, too)- "if someone's in the position to choose, of course they'd choose the opposite sex" is nothing but devaluing same-sex relationships. Same with devaluing women, for the assumption that a bi woman can never seriously love a woman. I don't think lesbians in general are awful or anything, but some do internalize homophobia and sexism in those ways, and you absolutely have the right to call them out on it.

Maybe queer people being awful to each other isn't the most important issue in the world, but if we could only talk about the most important issue in the world ever, we'd all have to sit around complaining about the environment or something like that. Queer people, including queer women, can do awful things to each other, and that should not be covered up.

If it makes you feel any better, queer policing happens to a lot of people. I'm like a Kinsey 5 (I get attracted to a lot of people, but I don't have enough interest in men to actually sustain a relationship, so I only date women and I round up to gay or lesbian in casual communication) and I don't ever feel comfortable talking to other lesbian identified people about that.

Also, your kink is not reprehensible. What the fuck. It's fictional. It's okay for other people to be squicked or triggered by something like that, but it's also okay for you to have a different response as long as you warn if you're writing stories about that or whatever.

while obviously both are subdivisions of the united patriarchy campaign, I don't think it helps us resist biphobia if we simply subsume it into homophobia, especially given how much biphobia we get from gays and lesbians and from people who legitimately do value same-sex relationships.

nyart

I wholeheartedly agree. I identify as lesbian, but it makes me so incredibly sad and angry to see the amount of vitriol against bisexuals that comes from the gay community itself. Lumping in biphobia with homophobia isn't doing anyone any favors.

ayrt

I'm guessing the people OP is having problems with do not believe in biphobia as a thing. I do, and I think biphobia should be addressed separately too, but I also think that if someone doesn't understand why biphobia exists, explaining it in terms of homophobia and sexism is more likely to get through to that person... like the people that have been bothering OP.

I did not mean it was the same thing all the time, and I apologize if that's how it came off.

Wow, anon, that sucks.

I'm FtM, and while I've never gotten anything as vitriolic as that, I've heard some pretty nasty transphobic stuff from the GLB spectrum. It happens. It hurts. It sucks. But you know what? Screw them. They're wrong, okay? If you're bi, you're bi. There are plenty of people who won't even blink an eye at that. Find one of those people. The others aren't worth your time.

That is such bullshit (that people like that exist and treated you like that, I mean).

I identify as bi as well and as sad as it is I am more reluctant to come out to gay people than straight. Part of it is that I don't care what homophobic people think about my sexual orientation but if someone who identifies as queer calls me out I don't feel I can say anything because what do I know? I feel bad if they feel that I'm hurting them or appropriating their identity because I know how hard it is for me and I've had "safe" relationships and I wouldn't want to do anything to make it worse for someone else who hasn't even had that. I know that doesn't make sense but I still feel it.

The lesbians who said that to you are wrong, bad and just as bad as any straight person who attempts to trivialise your sexuality.

This girl is wrong wrong wrong wrong. There's nothing wrong with your kink OR your bisexuality and you should NEVER have to shut up about bad experiences. The only way to stop people from treating you and others like this is to share your experiences and not hide it. Don't let them make you hide away your bad experiences.

Yes you should feel mad.

*HUGS*

Signed,
A lesbian

.... this would not be the ontd_political post, would it? Because if so, I feel for you. I'm a triggered mess after reading that. Very fucking glad I got my anxiety meds filled today. >_< (If not, GODS, it's apparently the day for biphobic assholes.)

tw: homophobia

Apparently the fact that while I'm married to a male-bodied person (who is figuring out gender identity and stuff) but am poly and actively have relationships with women doesn't count. Because apparently, going out with my girlfriend in public and having to constantly worry about whether I'm going to have another person scream at me about what an abomination I am and how I'm such a slut for holding my girlfriend's hand and leaning my head on her shoulder in public... apparently that doesn't matter, because if I happen to go out with my husband alone, I can pass. Never mind the rest of the time I can't. Doesn't matter. >:(

I'm sick of it too. I'm sick of finding out that communities that I THOUGHT would be supportive are actually full of biphobic assholes. The amount of places I feel safe talking about being a pan woman are winnowing incredibly quickly.

I'm so sorry. :( That's not cool.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #1989 ]

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nayrt