[ SECRET POST #2008 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2008 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 088 secrets from Secret Submission Post #287.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Same Anon

[nyxelestia]

The thing is fiction is an escape, but some people can't escape if there isn't a bridge to reality for them to cross. I generally don't have a problem with unrealistic romances because a.) most of the time I don't really give a fuck about romance anyway and b.) I can step back and say, "it's fiction, why worry?". Also, a LOT of things in fiction bug me besides unrealistic romances, so it's not that much of a bother in the grand scheme of things for me.

And when it is - well, that's why there's fanfiction. :D

Not to mention that sometimes there are things you enjoy in fiction because it's not really applicable in your real life. i.e. I often enjoy possessiveness in romances in fiction, in spite of (and maybe partly because of) how much I hate possessiveness in my girl- and boyfriends in real life. I am not really a big fan of those "perfect" romances, but I know a lot of people are, often for the sole reason being because they don't often happen in real life, even though we really, really want them to.

I know what you mean about worrying about fitting to youthful stereotypes. I worried about the same thing. I still worry, sometimes, as I'm only 19, that I will portray rather negative stereotypes about college kids my age. Irony: most older people mistake me for being much older than I am in situations where I'm talking with them but my youthful appearances aren't obvious, and some people my age chide me for being "too old". (Apparently, choosing my course of college studies based on on a combination of skills, interests, and job prospects instead of just "following my heart" makes me old. It takes a LOT of self control to not shake all these people and ask them how the fuck they expect to feed themselves and keep a roof over their heads once they're done with college and their parents can't or won't support them any longer, if they do at all right now.)

As some people have said, there really is no winning when it comes to being a teenager. There are ancient Egyptian inscriptions of adults complaining about teenagers, so this really isn't a new problem. Certainly, rewording your issues does wonders (change "nobody understands me" to "I have trouble making people understand me" - double whammy of focusing in on the problem and being less woe-is-me-centric). But ultimately, it's best to just go about doing whatever and not worrying too much what other people think about you. People are going to think things no matter what you do, so you might as well do what you want and be done with it. Most of the time, however bad scathing looks and comments and judgments feel at the time, you'll forget them soon enough - and if you're willing to take a step back while in the moment, a lot of them are funny, too! (A lot of people are quick to shell out compassion and sympathy when I mention I had four separate pregnancy rumors spread about me in high school during my freshman year, but I actually found all of them quite funny, and in one case even screwed around with the rumor monger for my own amusement).

Haters gonna hate. Move on, and eventually they will, too.

Re: Same Anon

[(Anonymous)]

to be honest (and I don't mean this in a hostile way) it sort of just looks like you're looking for ways to be able to judge people without having to feel bad about negative ramifications. You seem to be pretty judgmental about people who choose college majors your don't deem "practical", and while I understand the rewording thing, that's just sort of being politically correct and tiptoeing around an issue to avoid offending people who have no problem offending me. You can't advocate the "haters' gon hate, don't give a fuck" attitude while also advocating the "be super polite and humble and bend over backwards to please people" attitude, it's contradictory. You seem to be of the former attitude yourself, judging by what you said about having pregnancy rumors spread about you, so it's a bit transparent here that your plan is to make everyone else very sensitive of how they come off, while you remain non-fuck giving and a bit judgmental to boot. If you can handle rumors being spread about you, cool. Not everyone has the same personality as you, not everyone has had the kind of life you have, and bragging about your toughness seems laughably macho to me. There's nothing wrong with your personality, but I'm more sensitive, and I think that's wonderful- my gentleness and sensitivity, for example, makes me the person my friends come to with problems and someone who can always be counted on to try to empathize and understand. There's very little that will ever be funny to me about my father spitting on me, calling me worthless and threatening to kick me out, and I doubt there ever willl be.

Re: Same Anon

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT

...wow, anon. I'm sorry, but your comment did come off as rather hostile, jsyk.

Your dad's an abusive jerk, by the way :(

Re: Same Anon

[nyxelestia]

(I'm not entirely sure if you're the same anon who first presented the dating/stereotypes worries - I'm assuming you are).

There's very little that will ever be funny to me about my father spitting on me, calling me worthless and threatening to kick me out, and I doubt there ever willl be.

My advice isn't universal. There are certainly many situations where other people's opinions matter and you should certainly care about them. I may have missed something you said in another comment elsewhere in the thread, so I don't necessarily have all the details. If your father is threatening to kick you out for dating someone, then absolutely you should avoid dating him or doing whatever is going to get you kicked out. If, however, your only problem is not wanting to appear like a stereotypical teenager - but you won't actually face any particularly serious consequences for being one/appearing as one - then no, other people's opinions won't really matter in that context, which is what I assumed the given situation was.

I'm looking over what I wrote, and I'm...honestly not sure where I gave off the impression that you should bend over backwards to please people. You don't have to bend over backwards or constantly please people to be polite. Sometimes being polite will do nothing but piss people off, in all honesty, but more often than not it'll make people like you, or at least give them less/no reason to hate you on sight. Rewording things doesn't meant tip-toeing around issues or trying to be politically correct - it's just a way to better help people understand you. In the example I gave, "nobody understands me" is extremely vague and has many connotations of self-centeredness which is why it's so negatively associated with teenagers. The line I gave was making the answer slightly less vague/generic and a little less self-centered, which can, reduce the appearances of being a stereotypical teenager, which seemed to be your primary concern based on your comments.

As for the majors thing - it's not about picking majors (though that makes up the bulk of the issue), it's about being practical about one's future. I know kids who are taking highly impractical majors (like the infamous "pathway to homelessness" major Philosophy) but have plans for their course of studies and their futures. While they may or may not have picked this major based entirely on their desires, they are thinking ahead. The kids I was talking about are ones who are just picking something either nearly at random or based entirely on what they want to study with little to no consideration for their futures or how they will make their way through life once they are done with college and no longer have a safety net. I don't expect people to have their future perfectly planned out - hell, I certainly don't - but a little consideration as to what you would like to do as a career field or how you might apply your skills/major into supporting yourself is paramount. The reason why I judge them so harshly is based not just on this issue alone, but also the ripples they cause in the rest of the college system they are in - but that's another can of worms that's not entirely relevant here. The simplified version is that people with no plans who are dicking around college just for the hell of it without actually doing it are making life much more difficult for the rest of us who are trying to get something done, often on a tight schedule, and make something of our lives.

And I never meant to imply this, and if I did, I'm sorry - but I don't think being gentle and sensitive is a bad thing. I'm pretty certain that if a portion of the human population weren't sensitive and gentle, we as a species would've ripped ourselves apart and died off a long time ago. That said, being gentle and sensitive isn't going to be an applicable plan in every situation - no personality trait is (including my..."machismo"? Me being macho is...actually also rather funny, and I'm not entirely sure where that one came from, either). Again, if someone is threatening to kick you out of your home because of your dating habits, then that's a different ball game entirely and that's not really what I was talking about at all. And yes, I understand that not everyone is good as ignoring rumors and harsh words - but there are periods in everyone's life where there isn't much else you can do.

Life is full of "damned if you do and damned if you don't" situations, and once you're in one the only thing you can really do is try to make the best of what you have.