[ SECRET POST #2028 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2028 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 107 secrets from Secret Submission Post #290.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 3 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[akashasheiress]

''...but I have personally done much bootstrap pulling and I had plenty of excuses not to do it, and if I hadn't done it my live would be much, much shittier now.''

And here we have it, the classic ''It worked for ME, so if it doesn't work for you, it must be because you're lazy/stupid/useless!''

[(Anonymous)]

I think you would have more of a leg to stand on is the secret maker had mentioned there was some reason that she wasn't working, except fear.

If someone is saying "actually this track I'm on terrifies me but I don't know what to do" saying to them "in your case, you are going to have to get out there, good luck, it can be hard but we have faith in you" is accepting and encouraging.

Saying it worked for me can be encouraging rather than attacking.

[akashasheiress]

Well, fear can be a very real disability, namely anxiety.

I know it can be encouraging, but the tone the previous poster used certainly didn't make it seem that way.

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

Okay, fine, let's tell everybody who's too fucking lazy to get a job that they're awesome just the way they are. I hope they'll enjoy their homelessness in a few years.

[akashasheiress]

Wow, somebody's bitter.

[veronica_rich]

If I may, I think you're really taking this too personally. I recognize the signs because I've done that in the past myself - not on this issue, but others.

I should write a damn book about my working life and all the crappy jobs I've had to do in the down years between "career work." I've done things for free, done things vastly underpaid, and done things for which I had no prior training (but got it fast!) to earn rent. Because there was nobody I could ask for help, and I had no children so I couldn't qualify for any social services. Believe me when I say I KNOW how hard it is to find work and to pull yourself out of a depression to look for it - I've been there.

On the one hand, you're right - nobody wants to hear how well other people are doing when they're not, and they can take it personally as "pah, you're lazy!" even if it's not meant that way. On the other hand, the other person is right - nobody is done any favors by being told they can wait around for something to come to them. Even if they have to do underpaid or volunteer work for something close to what they like, it's more than they're doing by doing nothing. It IS possible to do underpaid/free work to get career experience and keep it ongoing, while still doing shitty jobs for the rent that have nothing to do with what you like.

There's nothing wrong with pulling on your own bootstraps as long as you're not endlessly preaching that others can do it as fast or easily. But even pulling slowly gets you there eventually.

[akashasheiress]

Maybe not, but that is what that person was doing. And all I really see when people say it that way is them indulging in feeling superior, somehow. And I don't think people can just ''pull themselves'' out of a depression. It takes some kind of professional support to do that.

It's entirely possible that I'm taking it too personally/projecting. What I really was trying to do was to show that OP being 'lazy' is not necessarily the be all and end all of the problem.

[insanenoodlyguy]

It works for the majority of the goddamn world. There's a little more then anecdotal personal evidence here.

[(Anonymous)]

THIS! People who whine about bootstraps seem to think that everybody who's, IDK, supporting themselves has had an easy time, that they couldn't possibly have any problems or disabilities or difficulties. When really, I think most people have had to push themselves along and pull themselves up.

[akashasheiress]

Of course. But pushing yourself up isn't always a possibility for everyone all the time.

[insanenoodlyguy]

Advice that works for the vast majority of people is still good advice. The fact that it's coming hard and blunt in this thread didn't stop it from being good. The possibility that maybe, just maybe this person is one of the few who really can't doesn't change that. They can or they can't. Not saying anything because of a maybe doesn't seem any better, and can in fact end worse.

A bootstrap puller has done something admirable. Saying "you can do it too if I could!" isn't smug, it's FUCKING ENCOURAGEMENT.

"awww, if you can't do it that's okay! Stop being mean people!" sounds fucking patronizing more then anything.

[akashasheiress]

Nobody said or even implied ''awww, if you can't do it that's okay!'' And ''you can do it too if I could!'' IS dismissive, sometimes.

[insanenoodlyguy]

Getting the job I had now (and the job before that, and the job before that, the job before that, all interspaced with a lot of turned down applications) wasn't an easy task. I'll admit, I felt kinda blah a few times in those spaces of unemployment, and I don't think I'm alone. I'm grateful I had people around me to kick me in the ass and keep me from getting sucked into a self-destructive attitude.