fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2030 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2030 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Nana to Kaoru, Oyasumi Punpun, Onani Master Kurosawa]

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03.

[Terry Pratchett]

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04.

[The Hollow Crown: Henry IV]

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05.

[Tori Amos]

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06.

[Dragon Age: Origins]

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07.

[Rihanna, S&M]

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08.

[LotR RPF]

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09.

[On the Road]

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10.

[SM Entertainment - Super Junior, SHINee and EXO]

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11.

[Sherlock]

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12.

[Planescape Torment]

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13.

[The Devil in the White City]

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14.

[CATverse]

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15.

[Fate/stay night]

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16.

[Rammstein]

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17.

[Mass Effect]

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18.

[Metalocalypse]

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19.

[Arashi, V6]

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20.

[Legend of Korra]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 063 secrets from Secret Submission Post #290.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - posted twice ], [ 1 - personal attack ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

In a comment on one of yesterday's secrets, someone mentioned how "women-dominated fandom spaces tend to obsess more over being nice and non-blunt and diplomatic-bordering-on-spineless." And now I am wondering if maybe THAT'S why so many people in fandom are so obnoxiously passive-aggressive.

Saying anything that could be interpreted as "mean" is unacceptable, so if we're going to say stupid insulting shit, we should rephrase it to sound nicer!

I can't stand that sort of mentality. I find overt rudeness much less annoying than sugarcoated douchebaggery.

Just because you politely say something assholish doesn't make it any less assholish. Why is this so difficult to comprehend?

I think you're 100% correct, although I have no idea if it's because of women-dominated spaces or not.

Everyone is a tiny bit dickish inside. Add that to the Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory, and that expands to everyone is somewhat dickish and aren't afraid to show it. If you make a shit-ton of rules, that dickishness will be passive-aggressive rather than bluntly aggressive, but it WILL be there.

"Just because you politely say something assholish doesn't make it any less assholish."

Agreed. The best solution, though, isn't overt assholishness, it's not being an asshole in the first place. Of course, if someone attacks you and is being an asshole without reason, that changes things a little. But, in most cases, instead of airing our stupid insulting shit openly, we should avoid assholishness in general.

I started off with a point and ended up making lame butt puns. What is happening to my life.
(I'm really tired.)

THIS. Unfortunate pun notwithstanding.

Normally I'm a straight up asshole, but I like coming up with ways to make it sound passive-aggressive.

Yeah, I hate when people are polite about their douchebaggery. If you try to retaliate everyone will side with the polite douchebag.

I find myself trying to find more polite tones for what I'm saying when I'm online when I'm not anon. Reason for that? I've seen enough users who ended up being harassed online/told to kill themselves, the whole deal that I always end up worrying about it when I disagree with a popular opinion with my real-journal.

It's just a risk I don't have in real life. I mean sure, yelling at each other etc. but I couldn't see someone sending me death threats because I disagree with their view about a character anywhere but on the internet.

I think women are just more likely to be raised that way, doesn't mean that men can't be passive-aggressive but so many women have it hammered into them from a young age that they have to be "nice" and whatever the fuck, I just wish that those of us who are more, uh, direct (I guess, don't know how to put it) didn't get shit on by others who aren't. That's why so many people on here hate me I guess, or (and this REALLY PISSES ME OFF) so many people think I'm male

I'm the same except I like when people think I'm a guy. Their faces when they see my small delicate figure for the first time? Priceless.

I think it bugs me more when someone convinces themselves that they're not an asshole. I don't mean the kind of person who genuinely doesn't know why they're offensive, but the kind of douchebag that continues to remain in the dark after it's been pointed out.

The "wah wah, you guys are too sensitive/mean to me!" type. Like holy shit, own your doucheness already, it's more tolerable.

Good, realization is the first step to admitting your douchebaggery!

la qual commento no entiendo, mon amour

I don't know why it has to be a choice between "overt rudeness" and "sugarcoated douchebaggery."

You've discovered the snark factor. It's so true too. I regularly go to spaces that are female dominated and male dominated. The female ones are a hell of a lot more passive aggressive and snarky. And I hate that shit. The male ones mostly straight up insult someone if they feel the need. While it's not nice at all, but in situations where it's warranted (ex. towards trolls), I can respect the direct approach.

When I think of polite douchebaggery I think of her:

And yes, her passive aggressive nature made me wish she was dead more than Voldemort...

Ugh, passive aggressiveness I agree is something that tends to be quite prevalent in women-dominated spaces. At least middle-class-white-women-dominated, which is what I'm most familiar with, as I understand the "nice" socialisation is to some degree culturally specific.

Many women are terrified of being blunt. I do put this down to fear. So many women have had it drummed into them that Bad Things Will Happen if they vent openly about what they feel (and often bad things do happen IRL, moreso than to men). These women learn to control and denigrate others, male and female, in ways that can be denied if threatened/challenged.

Learning to be open about what you're thinking, finding diplomatic ways to be honest that isn't nasty, not letting rage build up and build up through lack of outlets to a level that bursts out in a disproportionate way to the original slight or misunderstanding - these are things I've found to de-toxify an environment.

Gee, I never realized I was ahead of the curve by being openly asshole ...

[ SECRET POST #2030 ]

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