[ SECRET POST #2037 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2037 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 067 secrets from Secret Submission Post #291.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - personal attack ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[childings.livejournal.com]

Do you just ever feel utterly embarrassed by your own sexuality?

I don't mean like, being gay or straight or whatever, I mean like, kinks or preferences and having to deal with people judging you for them (even if they aren't even that weird and make sense given your specific psychological profile)

[unicornherds]

Yes. And I hate that I'm totally okay with them in a logical kind of way but sometimes emotionally it's just so embarrassing. Not like I go around talking about my kinks or preferences all the time, but still.

[(Anonymous)]

Yes x100. Especially when I've been shamed/felt invalidated for them.

[mekkio]

Nope. But then I hang out with people who are way kinkier than me.

[(Anonymous)]

Hmm... no, but really the only reason why I don't is because I have never told anyone about them. They're pretty generic, but if anyone knew, I would most likely be pretty embarrassed. I guess for me it's precisely because of my psychological profile. If someone knew my ~preferences, they'd probably just feel really uncomfortable and sorry for me or some shit.

[chocorate]

Not embarrassed but more..Cautious? I never talk about my kinks/preferences with a certain group of friends since most of them are prudes and It's just awkward. Sometimes I do with another, more chill group.

[ecoerrante]

Not really? Though, to be fair if someone knew about them, they'd probably be more focused on 'You're asexual, how can you have kinks!' than on what the actual kinks were. : /

[fritzier]

whoops this is me

IM SORRY I LIKE READING FIC ABOUT ________ i like reading kinky shit im not even gonna lie asexuality just means that it doesnt apply 2 me ever

it's not even sexual for me it's just a preference for certain things over others

[(Anonymous)]

Yes.

It's all really awful objectifying, degrading, and humiliating stuff, and a fixation on rape.

Makes me feel like a terrible feminist (yes I know omg but feminism is about *~choice~*, disagree and not the argument I want to get into here).

I would be mortified if anyone knew, and I've only shared with a tiny number of bfs, and in completely anon settings. Don't even like it being tied to a handle on sites I infrequently use.

[childings.livejournal.com]

Well, I don't have a rape kink but I like it when dudes are objectifying and creepy and... forceful I guess? I also like to read stories about het couples where the guy is much older (even if the other partner is a teenage girl, this is what I mean by "psych profile" because it makes sense given my past experiences but it's not exactly something you want anyone IRL to find out about), all of this comes off as making me look like a bad feminist and I guess I do kinda like to be more submissive sexually but NOT in a relationship, just when it comes to the sexual aspect. I think there's a huge difference there and people get confused (and sometimes the the sexual part of a relationship and other parts can blur/overlap so it gets confusing maybe). It's been bothering me forever because this is a big part of a project I've been working on for most of my adult life but I'm too embarrassed to portray that kind of relationship because of what people will think of me, think I'm trying to promote rape or whatever. I have trouble getting thoughts across but a big thing I wanted to do with this story is show how it's OKAY to have these kinks and it doesn't make you a bad feminist and it doesn't make the guy an asshole

I also don't really feel like I'm monogamous either

I've also been thinking about this because of a lot of shit I keep reading online (ok mostly on tumblr) along the lines of "it doesn't matter if it's fiction, fiction can still influence people negatively blah blah" even though IMO if people read or watch something fictional and take something from that, either they can't distinguish between the two or something they read/watched resonated with them for personal reasons that they need to address. I just feel really ashamed about everything I guess

IDEK I just have a lot of ... feelings this evening, sorry for rambling

[(Anonymous)]

Me too.

I don't feel like a terrible feminist over it, but I do keep it between me and whoever I'm sleeping with. I don't want to be in the kink community, I don't want to be a lifestyle submissive, I just want to get degraded and then fucked into the floor.

[fingalsanteater]

No, I really don't. You are going to judged whether you are only interested in vanilla het missionary or you only get off to hardcore gangbang fantasies. Someone will find a way to shame your kink (or lack thereof) and shame you for having a preference. As long as you don't act or attempt to act on a kink that harms others in a way they cannot and do not give permission for, then having a fantasy is just having a fantasy. I don't let myself feel ashamed for fantasies and I try not to shame others for theirs.

That said, I prefer not to bring up certain kinks unanon because I'd rather not deal with any possible harassment from trolls and assholes.

[(Anonymous)]

kind of. but that's probably cause I'm not that big a fan of talking about sex offline. Probably because most of my rl friends that I'd talk with about stuff like that know that I'm still a virgin and I have some pretty specific kinks which often ends with this weird "but you've never tried, right?"

I talked about my rape fantasies with my therapist the other week. That was awkward but mostly because talking about sex with a stranger is weird and I had some experiences with judgmental therapists so I was worried about that.

[childings.livejournal.com]

Yeah I'm supposed to see a psychiatrist in a couple of weeks and I know they probably won't be providing much in the way of therapy (most psychs I get referred to from clinics just want to know how pills I've taken and how they've worked or if the meds I'm on right now are working, etc.) but I REAALLLLLY want to see a therapist to talk about some of this stuff. I started writing a lot of things that bother me kind of like this down in a notebook so I won't forget what I need to address specifically when (and if I ever) get therapy

[biohazardgirl]

. . .yes but only because my few kinks are really weird and are things that I would never even do in real life. . .*cough* because it's not actually possible.

[maverickz3r0]

A little bit, yeah. Some of it's weird/obscure/impossible and some's not, but I am kinda the weird one as far as kinks go among both my online and offline friends. Gets to me occasionally. Oh well! I try not to let it bother me usually, but it sneaks through sometimes.

[(Anonymous)]

Not the kinks themselves but a few times I've had friends point out that I talk about my kinks a lot and I was/am still mortified because I do it without realizing and everyone must think I'm such a creep.

[(Anonymous)]

Yes!

Specifically I get off to watching lesbian porn clips Redtube (and I'm female.) I know I'm not the only one but I feel like it's some kind of big freaking deal and Women Aren't Supposed To Watch Porn. (or at least mainstream stuff...)

I only tell certain people even online and offline forget it. Even though who freaking cares really, on the scale of "kink" it's a zero.

[writerserenyty]

Once my friends were talking about some kind of pretty minor kink and they were like "lol why does that even turn people on?" and I was too embarrassed to say "well actually I think that's really hot."

[(Anonymous)]

I have a huge kink for extreme possessiveness (only within a relationship, though). And for people sexually punishing their partners for flirting with someone else or cheating on them until the wayward partner is a weeping mess and swears up and down that they'll never do it again. And for people asking their partners to sexually punish them for doing something bad. And for general psycho jealousy and stuff (again, only within an established relationship), like threatening to kill/hurt/Do Very Bad Things to a partner if they are caught being unfaithful.

So I don't exactly have an infidelity kink, because a person cheating on their partner with another person does nothing for me; but I have a kink for reactions-to-infidelity I guess, because a person finding out that their partner cheated on them and reacting to that does a LOT for me.

I don't bring these up because they can be really problematic IRL — almost always dub-con, either by having one person not really caring about consent, or putting a person into a coercive situation.

I also have a big kink for abusive relationships of the dark and troubled sort. And for relationships which may start out genuinely healthy but don't end after one of the characters starts losing his or her mind and going into a downward spiral (I actually rewatched The Hours quite a few times just for the Virginia/Leonard Woolf scenes).

And while "good girl loves/stays with bad guy even though he's freaky and dangerous and awful to her" is a bit too cliched and overused to really turn me on except in fanfics with certain established characters, I cannot fucking get enough of it when it's genderflipped. One of my favorite fics in my current fandom was a Clint/Dark!Natasha fic that was all kinds of call-the-cops-and-run-like-mad terrifying and creepy.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah. I have major hangups about it. I find it all embarrassing.

[(Anonymous)]

I used to be! But then I thought about it hard and long, and figured out why I had that kink and now I feel better about it.

[omorka]

Embarrassed, no. Guilty or confused, yes. I've been dealing with One Right True And Only Way-ers in the BDSM community recently, though, so that's probably part of it, for me.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm a fan of human/alien sci-fi furry erotica such as Elf Sternberg's Journal Entries (http://www.pendorwright.com/journals/), but I'm squiked by most other aspects of what has become "furry" culture (fursonas, otherkin, yiffing.)

[cloud_riven]

Yep. I'm super adverse to piv sex (or anything dick-shaped-iv sex) if it's my vagina in that situation, but if I'm the one doing the penetrating everything's AWESOME.

I know it's not hypocritical, I simply like what I like, but I feel like I am. Girls have never given me flak for it, but guys tend to the whole, "ah, it's because you're mostly lesbian or want to be the dude isn't it :/".