Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2012-08-29 06:26 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2012-08-29 06:26 pm
[ SECRET POST #2066 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2066 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 037 secrets from Secret Submission Post #295.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: Explaining sexual preference without the labels.
(Anonymous) 2012-08-30 05:09 am (UTC)(link)I'll say I'm asexual if asked and think it can be very useful in the context of describing sexual desires, but I have a couple issues with it as a label for an orientation. I do have a sex drive, but I think it's lower than most people's, and it's not directed at anyone. I do masturbate and think it can be kind of nice, I guess, but it really feels more like a biological function to me than anything else. There are no fantasies involved, and I really don't even think about anything specific when I do it.
I am romantically attracted to men but not to women. As far as romantic relationships go, I've had a couple of semi-serious ones (both with guys who weren't asexual--one where I compromised and had sex with him even though I didn't want to, and the other where he gave up sex although he didn't want to--neither worked) and a couple casual, went out a few times things, in between the two and after the second guy, but they were never serious and never went anywhere.
I keep saying I could theoretically be romantically interested in a woman someday, but if I'm completely honest I don't see it happening. I feel sort of bad and like I'm narrow-minded for dismissing the possibility, though.
I guess ideally, I'd like a romantic but non-sexual relationship with an asexual guy, but don't think I'm likely to find one. Part of me would prefer to be single because I was always miserable in my relationships, but I think maybe it could be completely different if I found a guy who was on the same page as I was regarding sex, if one exists out there somewhere.
Anytime I read anything romance-related or ship characters or whatever, it's almost always m/m. (I guess the slash fangirl thing can even apply to asexuals, apparently?) Occasionally m/f but usually not f/f (although there are a few exceptions where I just really like the characters/dynamic) because most of the time it just doesn't interest me. And usually if there's an attractive male character or whatever that I like, my first instinct will be to ship him with another guy I like rather than thinking "oh, I want him for myself" like most of my friends will. I'm fine with sex in that context because it doesn't involve me, but to be honest I do prefer reading about relationships that are more like ones I personally would want to be in.
And about the asexual label (as far as an orientation, I mean), I'm not completely comfortable with it, but I don't think I've ever quite been able to really explain why in a way that makes sense to anyone other than me. Basically, I find it sort of inconsistent that it's considered an orientation when it's based on what you don't want instead of the others which are based on what you do, and is based on an activity rather than genders of people like the others (gay/straight/bi/etc.). I mean, to me, gay/straight/bi/etc. are more social/cultural labels than anything else (since most people don't go around talking about their sex lives on a day to day basis, but it gives others an idea of what gender(s) to expect that person to be romantically involved with).
Like, for example, if someone had medical issues that prevented them from having sex, I know that that's different than not wanting to to begin with, but the end result is the same if two people are in a romantic relationship but aren't having sex. I don't think the fact that the relationship isn't sexual negates the fact that those people might identify as straight or gay or whatever. And I've heard a few people say orientation is about who you love/want to be in a relationship with rather than who you want to have sex with, but I'm pretty sure they're definitely in the minority and the majority of people think it's based on who you want to have sex with.
Anyway, this is way too long already. I don't know what I am, honestly. If it were up to me I'd consider myself straight since I'm attracted to men romantically, and to me that's more important than who I do or don't want to have sex with, but I know that since I'm not sexually attracted to them I can't legitimately claim to be straight. So...I guess for now I'm label-less.