[ SECRET POST #2071 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2071 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Important: I'm really sorry about this, but I accidentally misclicked and deleted the submission post from last week instead of saving it. Managed to save the first page (25) of secrets, but the rest (about 100 or so) are gone.

If you submitted something last week (Aug 26-Sept 1), please resubmit it here.

The submissions post for next week is below as usual.

Secrets Left to Post: ?? pages, ??? secrets from Secret Submission Post #296.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Question for Bi/Pan People

[(Anonymous)]

So, I'm a bi/pan/whatever you want to call it girl. I have never been able to fully understand how people can be only attracted to one gender (is monosexual the word for that? IDK). Like, how does that work? My brain just isn't wired that way or something.

So, my question is: do other bi/pan people feel this way as well? Does it confuse you, too, just a little? Or am I just weird? (that is a distinct possibility, I know)

Sorry if this comes off as rude/offensive in some way, I'm not entirely sure how best to phrase the idea, y'know? I tend to think of it as the equivalent of people who don't entirely get how bi/pan people can be attracted to more than one gender, which is an idea I'm very familiar with people expressing towards me, so.

Re: Question for Bi/Pan People

[biohazardgirl]

Not really bi myself (I've only ever found a handful of celebrity women attractive), so I guess I could say that being monosexual just feels like. . .nothing? Like if I look at a sexy man I go "oh, that's sexy" and if I see a sexy woman usually I go "oh, she is pretty" a bit like the way you feel about family members, how you just aren't attracted to them.

Re: Question for Bi/Pan People

[(Anonymous)]

Omg, this.

Like, how it occasionally comes up in a fic or a book or whatever, where X thinks Y is cute but they would never date them because they're the wrong gender for X's monosexuality...every time, I go 'huh? what is that even LIKE?' I just literally cannot imagine that. Finding someone cute but not wanting to date them/not in a sexual way, sure. Not wanting to date someone solely because of their gender? what is that even like.

Re: Question for Bi/Pan People

[stainless]

Pretty much this. I'm not as attracted to men as I am to women but I'd never be like GEE I WISH I COULD WANT TO FUCK THAT PERSON. That just doesn't even parse to my brain.

Re: Question for Bi/Pan People

[inkdust]

I'm with you completely. Cannot wrap my head around it.

Re: Question for Bi/Pan People

[(Anonymous)]

I guess I can kind of understand it because I'm pan but I'm more dominantly attracted to men.

But I do totally wonder about it, especially when I come across people who id as straight or gay but then you see them crushing on someone who isn't their preferred gender. I know there's the kinsey scale but sometimes I wonder why more people don't just id as bi/pan and just tell people they have a dominant preference for one gender. You don't have to like the sexes equally to be bi.

Re: Question for Bi/Pan People

[shinsengumi]

Theoretically, yes, I can understand how people can only be attracted to one gender, the same way I can theoretically understand that some people are attracted to no gender, the same way people of other sexual orientations can theoretically understand what isn't their own experience. I don't think it's something we can understand in any more than a theoretical way because, as you state, we're not wired that way.

I don't think it's a problem or anything wrong with... well, anyone, so long as people are respectful of what's outside their realm of possible experience.

Re: Question for Bi/Pan People

[(Anonymous)]

lol I was just thinking about this the other day and I have the same problem. I guess I can understand it objectively but I can't sympathize. My gut reaction tends to be "huh? what do you mean you've never found another girl attractive? like ever ever? but look how pretty/awesome/intelligent she is!"

Re: Question for Bi/Pan People

[la_petite_singe]

Yeah, I guess--personally I just generally don't understand people for whom personality isn't the #1 factor in attraction to others.

Re: Question for Bi/Pan People

[insanenoodlyguy]

Okay.. this might be for a few of you... I'm thinking maybe we can use the Westermark effect here to explain an equivalent.

Have any attractive family members? I do. I have a cousin that is drop dead gorgeous hot.

I've watched her run around in a wet bathing suit and felt nothing. Why? Cause she's a cousin whom I grew up seeing at least several days a month. There's a complete detatchment in my brain that prevents me from having any actual attraction to her. I didn't' realize she was hot until people started hitting on her as we got into our teens, and then I objectively made the observation.

So, while less personal, it's kinda like that. As a straight dude, I can recognize a hot guy and understand why somebody would want to get with that guy, but there's no actual desire to do so on my part.

Re: Question for Bi/Pan People

[(Anonymous)]

Rationally I understand how it's possible, but I've never experienced it and I don't know what that feels like.

Re: Question for Bi/Pan People

[(Anonymous)]

I'm bi and I think I can understand it, even experience a sort of... bi-version of it? I have somewhat different "types" (in personality traits) for different genders, so sometimes I've felt like a certain girl would totally be my type if she were a guy, or vice versa. So I would guess that's what it feels like for monosexual people, except only in one direction.

Re: Question for Bi/Pan People

[systole]

I guess it's similar to how I, as a straight girl, can't imagine being attracted to anyone other than men. It's like, with an attractive man I'll notice it in a sexual manner, but with an attractive girl I'll notice she's pretty, but not in a sexual manner. With pretty girls, I'm more likely to think 'I wish I looked like her' not 'I wish I could have sex with her'. So, generally it's wish I was her rather than I wish I could be with her.

Re: Question for Bi/Pan People

[cloud_riven]

Kind of feel the same, but not really. I think of it in that I don't want to jump everyone's bones. Sure, I've had sex with people I wasn't attracted to, but that just came down to stimulation and getting each other off tbh. But still, if I'm not attracted to everybody, and I know I have my preferences in what features I love to look at, maybe it's the same with people who only like one specific gender.

I mean, they typically don't want to fuck the entire gender either. They just have a narrower spectrum I guess?

Re: Question for Bi/Pan People

[(Anonymous)]

Some people are just wired differently I guess. I'm a lesbian and you can believe me that I've tried to be attracted to men in a romantic and sexual way. Sometimes when I was a teenager, I would just hope that I would wake up one day and be like "okay, I like guys now and I can be normal" but it never happened. I think I was very fortunate to have a supportive family and that I was able to come to terms with my sexuality and be happy with it. Because on the other side of the deal, you have men and women who try so desperately to be heterosexual that they end up staying in marriages for decades trying force themselves to be something they aren't (which is an incredibly shitty situation for both spouses).

As long as you aren't one of those bi people who go around telling gay people that they just aren't ~open minded~ enough and that it's impossible to only be attracted to one gender and maybe they should just try a little harder, then we're totally cool (and yes, I've had people tell me that and it's kind of offensive. And it's just as stupid when I see other lesbians side eye bisexuals because obviously they just want to ~turn men on by making out with another woman~. The LGBT community has issues)

Re: Question for Bi/Pan People

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I don't get it. I mean I get it in an intellectual capacity, but don't really understand it....which makes no sense probably.

But then I'm basically asexual so when I say I find people attractive I'm not talking sexually attracted, which might make a difference? But yeah, all genders can be pretty awesome.

Re: Question for Bi/Pan People

[(Anonymous)]

idk, it's always seemed perfectly intuitive to me. because even though gender isn't a categorical deal-breaker for me, i definitely get that 'nope, no way, totally wrong category of person' for things like being too young or too old, or just not my type (very muscular guys, for example. they are just not under consideration for me to be attracted to; categorical mismatch).

Re: Question for Bi/Pan People

[omorka]

Seconding (thirding?) that I understand it intellectually, I get that monosexuality happens, but I don't really grok it. Then again, I don't have to. I don't grok how people can eat raw cilantro, either; it tastes like soap to me - but clearly people do eat it and enjoy it. This is a thing that happens.

Re: Question for Bi/Pan People

[intrigueing]

As a straight female who had a period where I thought I might be bi in my teens, I've found that it's that I simply have no sexual desire for someone who female. I was a bit confused about my sexuality because I'd noticed that I could really appreciate that a girl is hot, or even that she has a great ass, or great boobs, to the point where they could distract me, yet I never had any romantic feelings for a girl. I thought for a while "huh, maybe I'm bi?" but eventually realized that I still had absolutely no desire attached to it. Instead I'd be like "damn, those are great boobs, I wish my boobs looked that good", and I never wanted to touch a woman's body sexually, and trying to imagine having sex with a woman left me completely and utterly unaffected. There's just...nothing there. No notivation to do it.

In the same way, if I met a girl who was a great person, who had a lot of attractive qualities in addition to being hot? I would really like her, like spending time with her and talking to her, have a lot of appreciation for her as a person. But nothing romantic at all. Romantic feelings are fucking hard to define, but as Potter Stewart said "I know it when I see it" and it never occurred with girls, while it occurred with multiple guys. I had a friend I was really close to, who I was comfortable with and enjoyed being physically affectionate with by hugging, lying close together, etc, but no spark of sexual desire ever occurred. No romantic feelings ever manifested themselves. I loved spending time with her and doing things with her and would feel defensive and upset when bad things happened to her and I knew what it was like to feel a rush of affection when I thought about her or when she did something awesome, but I had no desire for more. None of the physical sensations or emotional reactions or thoughts that come with romance, none of the longing, none of the crush-like feelings I had had for guys. And no desire to have sex with her whatsoever.

It's just...it's like there's something in my brain that frequently (but not always) causes a connection between positive feelings and romantic feelings whenever guys are the subject of those feelings, but never causes that connection when girls are the subject. I'm sure you know people of either gender who you can tell are attractive, but you are not attracted to? It's like that, except when you're straight, you're consciously aware that gender is a big factor in determining whether or not you experience that attraction, regardless of how high your affection for or aesthetic appreciation of the person in question is.

LOL that really got away from me there.

Re: Question for Bi/Pan People

[(Anonymous)]

soooo, do you feel this way about asexual people too?

Re: Question for Bi/Pan People

[(Anonymous)]

well..i'm straight and don't understand how you can be attracted to the same sex...so...i think it's normal to not really understand things you don't have experience with.

Re: Question for Bi/Pan People

[(Anonymous)]

I'm asexual, and for me I can appreciate good looks on both men and women, but there's no sexual desire or anything behind it. It's almost like looking at a beautiful work of art. You can stare at it or want to emulate it or even become obsessed with it, but the thought of having sex with it just never occurs. I'm assuming for monosexuals it's similar for the gender they're not attracted to.

Re: Question for Bi/Pan People

[streetcake]

I can see a girl and think she's hot, and even find it attractive to see her sexualized, but if I were to ask myself if I wanted her to kiss me or do anything romantic/sexual with me? Nope, nothing. It's not like denying anything, it's just the total absence of desire.

I'm asexual and I kinda feel the same way in regard to sex. Like, I just can't comprehend why people make such a big deal over sex because for me I have little desire for it and can't relate. Likewise, I see a lot of sexual people say the same about asexuals(sometimes in the form of offensive jokes but eh), and they say they can't understand.

Re: Question for Bi/Pan People

[citrinesunset]

Good question. On one level, I can get how someone might be only attracted to one gender, maybe because I've gone through periods where I was much more attracted to one gender over others.

But part of me is always a little surprised when I realize that for a lot of people, someone being the "wrong" gender is actually a deal breaker for them. Even when I wasn't that interested in being with guys, I always took it for granted that if a reasonably-attractive dude asked me out or wanted to sleep with me, I'd go for it and give him a chance. It wasn't my preference at the time, but it wasn't an impossibility or even especially unlikely, either.

I think I tend to imagine that other people feel the same way, until they say otherwise or I think about it more.

Re: Question for Bi/Pan People

[(Anonymous)]

Yes and no. I've often felt kind of baffled that people would let something like gender stand in the way of a relationship with someone they were compatible with otherwise, but at the same time, I realize that people are wired differently and not everyone is like me.