fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2079 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2079 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 057 secrets from Secret Submission Post #297.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I never said anything to her except the first conversation where I told her she should tell him before they get married. Whatever happened to make her leave must have happened between the fiance and her, which I wasn't privy to.

If he were totes okay with the idea, I doubt she'd have left. He was willing to talk to her about it, but that doesn't mean he liked what he heard?

You said before that he was not happy but okay with it and willing to work/talk with her. I imagine she knows you talked with him. Not exactly a giant leap in logic to put the two incidents together. And yeah, even if he were totes okay with the idea the fact that strangers were talking about her debt and talking to her fiancee about her debt and then an unplanned confrontation - that all could have spooked her. Not saying the lady is a saint or did nothing wrong, I just don't think it was your place to interfere and I hate how everyone on this thread is jumping to conclusions about how awesome you are and how obviously evil this lady is.

That being said, I could be taking this too personally since I have massive debt (around 100k) and am really sensitive about the topic. A lot of shame and embarrassment connect with large debt.

nayrt

But it is pretty skeevy to marry someone and know that you have serious debt problems and not tell them about it. Just fucking be honest. I would be pissed as hell if my SO waited until after we were married to let me know about their debt. Far, far more upset than I would have been if they let me know earlier in the relationship. If you lie about that shit, what else would you lie about? Not a great way to start a marriage is what I'm trying to say.

AYRT

I would never lie about that, but at the same time I don't think I'd ever be all that upset? I can't know for sure how I'd react to a situation until I'm in it but I honestly don't think I'd be too upset if someone I loved and planned to spend the rest of my life with confessed to being in debt. Not like they confessed to being a pedophile or a rapist or something.

Yes, the lady should have been up front. But I don't think it was OPs job to spill the beans. And it seems like OP is taking way too much glee out of this lady's poor predicament just because she personally didn't like her.

Do they plan to take care of the debt themselves though? This girl obviously wasn't since she had got the guy to pay for her debt before. I get not caring if the other person's like "yeah I have debt but I'm gonna pay it off" but if they hide it from you then tell you later after you gave them money for the debt they said was smaller the first time uh. Warning bells.

If the woman was keeping this a secret from her potential spouse, someone needed to let him know. Depending on where the couple lived and what kind of debt it was, the non-liable spouse could be held liable if the debt ended up in collections. It is never a good idea to keep debt secret because you could ruin your spouse's credit and finances as well.

It's not a big deal for you, anon. For some people, this is a huge issue. When you're married in some countries, you are responsible for your spouse's debt. 40k is a huge amount of money.

I would file for divorce if this happened to me. :x

This is a basic violation of trust.

He sounded okay with the idea of the debt and said she likely had reasons for not telling him. He said he wouldn't mind talking about it with her. But I wasn't privy to that conversation and I don't know what went down. It's possible that a whole bunch of things made him wary, like where the debt came from- she never did say where. What if it was something shady?

And remember he literally did not have the means to help her pay it off? And he was looking for a way to tell her so? It's possible she left of her own volition for that reason as well.

I wasn't the only one she'd told, either. That was clear enough in the really proud and casual way she told me the first time in the office kitchen where other people were sitting right there.

That being said, I could be taking this too personally since I have massive debt (around 100k) and am really sensitive about the topic. A lot of shame and embarrassment connect with large debt

I don't anyone here is saying that having a large amount of debt makes you a bad person or anything. It's a pretty common problem. Just don't wait until you're married to someone to bring it up with them. It's not hard. Anyone can do that.

IA. I think the anon with the debt and my coworker had really, really different feelings about debt. Anon doesn't sound like she would brag to coworkers about how she got her fiance to pay off the first 10k and was hanging on for the rest, which this lady was doing. :/

[ SECRET POST #2079 ]

Re: Fiancee with the 40k debt anon

Re: Fiancee with the 40k debt anon

Re: Fiancee with the 40k debt anon

Re: Fiancee with the 40k debt anon

Re: Fiancee with the 40k debt anon

Re: Fiancee with the 40k debt anon

Re: Fiancee with the 40k debt anon

Re: Fiancee with the 40k debt anon

Re: Fiancee with the 40k debt anon

OP