[ SECRET POST #2084 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2084 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 094 secrets from Secret Submission Post #298.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[ill_omened]

This has never been a thing that really bugged me/

I've been on both sides of the fence, and both times I've never considered it a really big deal. Like the idea that people get so utterly devastated by it has always struck me as incomprehensible.

I suppose I might feel different if I caught something.

[anonymouslyyours]

I haven't been on either side of the fence and I've dated a poly girl but it's a huge deal to me. Not the sex itself but the betrayal and dishonesty. If sexual fidelity is an aspect of the relationship and my partner didn't live up to that commitment (especially if there wasn't an immediate confession) I would feel that my partner didn't value me or our relationship more than they did satisfying that urge.

[anonymouslyyours]

I would also feel disrespected and used. Like this person didn't love me or consider me a friend and a partner but more like a component in their life.

[diet_poison]

It's breaking basic trust. It's one of the most hurtful things you can do to someone. It's betraying someone you've made a commitment to.

If you don't think it's a big deal to not be faithful to your SO, then I really hope you communicate that to them upfront.

[(Anonymous)]

Your icon is weirdly appropriate to your comment. :/

Re: Those goddamn songs

[elialshadowpine]

I don't care about the sex. I care about the honesty. If somebody can't be bothered to be honest and open, that's a huge fucking problem to me.

[(Anonymous)]

uh, ya, seconding the hope that you communicate that cheated is "no big deal" upfront to your partners, and that you never get into another monogamous relationship if you think you might cheat again =|

people have already addressed the betrayal aspect, but even if you don't catch something, the fact that you could have is pretty damn disturbing to many people

not all cheating is like that, of course, but the majority of times, someone has a sexual affair without completely ending sex with their partner. if they cheated with multiple people, this becomes a big risk the cheater is taking. with their partner's health.

i think it's pretty normal to be devastated when you learn the person you care about enough to be with, in many cases, marry, is perfectly okay with risking your life for a piece of ass (and that they're also perfectly okay with risking your life because they're too much of a coward to simply inform you of their decision)

[(Anonymous)]

when i talk about risks btw, im not shaming polygamous relationships. but in monogamous ones, there is the expectation of monogamy, and therefore safety if you've both been tested. also, it often comes with "privileges" like "sex without a condom" that wouldn't be given if the spouse was aware of the cheating.

[(Anonymous)]

Personally, "emotional infidelity" doesn't really bother me so long as the lines of communication are kept open. But cheating is pretty much the grossest thing you can do. Like, if my partner thought they were in love with someone else, but they told me up front about it and didn't pursue that person without my consent, that'd be okay. People can love more than one person at a time, and its really not a big deal so long as you respect your partner. Decent people make the choice to either stay faithful, or to break up and go after that new person.

But, acting on desires? That is a HUGE breach of trust, a huge betrayal. For most people, your romantic partner becomes part of your family. You trust them with your most intimate moments and your deepest secrets and thoughts. When I commit to a relationship, I expect my partner to be just as committed. You can't control who you find attractive or who you fall in love with, but you can damn sure control who you go out with and kiss and fuck. Cheating is basically saying to your partner "I know you're really invested in me and you might be trying to build a life with me, but your emotions and health mean less to me than my sex drive." Its really violating.