fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2086 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2086 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

My week is going pretty badly F!S. I haven't been getting out of bed in the morning, and I have been staying at home and ignoring my school responsibilities. Basically classes have started and I am too afraid of talking to anyone about how little I got done and how much I fucked up over the summer to even go onto campus and figure out what classes I should be in. I am sure that grad school was a giant mistake, but instead of facing that and at least taking a leave of absence, I've been ignoring my supervisor for two weeks and letting my inaction ruin my reputation. I don't even know how to start the conversation about how much I've fucked up, and everytime I hear a phone call or an email alert I am terrified.

the only thing you can do to fix this is get up off your ass and dive in. better to get it over with than let it get worse.

yeah you are right. I just wish I could get into that mindset when I wake up in the morning, instead of working up to it after the whole day is done.

yeah, therein lies the rub doesn't it?

I know exactly where you're at. Like, literally every thing there is something I have felt (except this happened to me during my undergrad and not grad school, and during the middle of a quarter and not at the beginning). Basically I just stopped doing any work or going to any classes at all, and instead I just laid in my bed all day staring at my wall or at the snow falling outside the window. What got me out of was an e-mail from my adviser to make sure that I was still alive. I went in and talked to her expecting to get yelled at and just said what was going on and she was very understanding (while at the same time giving me a kick in the rear end to get me in gear again) and everything worked out in the end.

So, uh, yeah. Just talk to someone and tell them where you're at and be honest. It's not like it's going to be that much worse than what they think of your inaction, and at least you won't have to deal with the tension and the fear and avoiding every single e-mail and phone call in the hopes that you can pretend the problems don't exist if you ignore them. And it honestly - honestly - felt so much better, to get that shit off my chest and out of my head and just to not have to deal with that tension anymore.

You can do this, anon. You don't have to live like this. You can make it better.

Thanks :) I cannot tell you how good it feels to know someone understands!!! It's not that all my friends are perfect, but none of them have quite the capacity for self destruction I do.... I think I kind of baffle them.

I had a really similar experience in undergrad, and it's humiliating that after how far I've come I'm back to the same shit. Except this time, instead of answering the email I just ignored it (smart!). I know the trick is just getting out of my bed in the morning!!! I can do iiit!!!

Been there. I mean exactly there. Basically what I had to do was suck it up and dive in. It was awful, but had to be done. I had to go around to each professor individually and apologize for being late to the start and asking what I missed and in some cases actually explaining the situation. They were all really understanding but it still was one long sucky day. But after that it was over and fresh start.

If you honestly don't think you can handle it, still go around to all the profs but explain that you'll be taking a leave of absence. Don't just disappear, because if you're like me then you'll never allow yourself to forget or to even start over again because of the anxiety left over from the disappearing act.

it's really great to know I'm not alone in this... Thanks for replying.
Honestly the worst part of this is that I did undergrad in this same department, so I know all the professors at least a little bit. They are all really awkward pedantic european men, who already know me as the girl with major issues, so yeah it's gonna be aawful. But it'll be a relief, I know...

Oh, honey. You sound exactly like me several years ago. *hugs* I completely sympathize. I would advise you to go ahead and talk to your supervisor or the anxiety will just get worse and worse.

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