fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2086 ]

[ SECRET POST #2086 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2086 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 060 secrets from Secret Submission Post #298.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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What is everyone doing today? How's your week going so far? Me I'm trying to not be constantly frustrated at how much everyone sucks at communication at my job. NO ONE communicates properly about what they're doing within their departments, nor do they cooperate well with each other... And since I'M the one maintaining the database for ALL departments they seriously need some communication skills.

My week is going pretty badly F!S. I haven't been getting out of bed in the morning, and I have been staying at home and ignoring my school responsibilities. Basically classes have started and I am too afraid of talking to anyone about how little I got done and how much I fucked up over the summer to even go onto campus and figure out what classes I should be in. I am sure that grad school was a giant mistake, but instead of facing that and at least taking a leave of absence, I've been ignoring my supervisor for two weeks and letting my inaction ruin my reputation. I don't even know how to start the conversation about how much I've fucked up, and everytime I hear a phone call or an email alert I am terrified.

the only thing you can do to fix this is get up off your ass and dive in. better to get it over with than let it get worse.

Re: Hello again!

(Anonymous) - 2012-09-18 23:31 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Hello again!

dethtoll - 2012-09-18 23:41 (UTC) - Expand

I know exactly where you're at. Like, literally every thing there is something I have felt (except this happened to me during my undergrad and not grad school, and during the middle of a quarter and not at the beginning). Basically I just stopped doing any work or going to any classes at all, and instead I just laid in my bed all day staring at my wall or at the snow falling outside the window. What got me out of was an e-mail from my adviser to make sure that I was still alive. I went in and talked to her expecting to get yelled at and just said what was going on and she was very understanding (while at the same time giving me a kick in the rear end to get me in gear again) and everything worked out in the end.

So, uh, yeah. Just talk to someone and tell them where you're at and be honest. It's not like it's going to be that much worse than what they think of your inaction, and at least you won't have to deal with the tension and the fear and avoiding every single e-mail and phone call in the hopes that you can pretend the problems don't exist if you ignore them. And it honestly - honestly - felt so much better, to get that shit off my chest and out of my head and just to not have to deal with that tension anymore.

You can do this, anon. You don't have to live like this. You can make it better.

Re: Hello again!

(Anonymous) - 2012-09-18 23:48 (UTC) - Expand

Been there. I mean exactly there. Basically what I had to do was suck it up and dive in. It was awful, but had to be done. I had to go around to each professor individually and apologize for being late to the start and asking what I missed and in some cases actually explaining the situation. They were all really understanding but it still was one long sucky day. But after that it was over and fresh start.

If you honestly don't think you can handle it, still go around to all the profs but explain that you'll be taking a leave of absence. Don't just disappear, because if you're like me then you'll never allow yourself to forget or to even start over again because of the anxiety left over from the disappearing act.

Re: Hello again!

(Anonymous) - 2012-09-19 00:05 (UTC) - Expand

Oh, honey. You sound exactly like me several years ago. *hugs* I completely sympathize. I would advise you to go ahead and talk to your supervisor or the anxiety will just get worse and worse.

I have an exam tomorrow so I'm studying and freaking out with my friend through Facebook messages because we were given the questions and there are some we have no clue what they mean, so we can't even attempt to answer them :/

i'm finally regaining use of my voice after 3 straight days of total silence. as of tomorrow, i will have had the same cold for a solid week. i have two quizzes scheduled for my birthday, and 14 pages of calculus homework due monday.
on the bright side, it's finally cooling down over here, so.... eh.

today i finished mowing the lawn and bought a new house phone. and now i'm going to make dinner.

my week's... not much of one. which is a blessing, i suppose.

I felt horrible yesterday and it turned out to be because I was getting my period. Which I completely forgot about, btw, and wasn't prepared for it at all.

I hate surprise period. How is that someone that happens almost once a month is ALWAYS A SURPRISE.

Re: Hello again!

(Anonymous) - 2012-09-18 23:48 (UTC) - Expand

Playing Borderlands 2 until I decide I feel like having dinner. :)

My week has been fairly unexciting, mostly work and cleaning the house. Exciting human being ftw.

It's been okay but I've been a nervous wreck. I've been considering calling the campus mental health services and setting up an appointment for my anxiety problems...but I get too anxious and can't ughhhhhhh

You gotta take the first step nonnie! You'll feel so much better after :O

DO IT! It'll be okay. Take the first step.

Re: Hello again!

partialsatyr - 2012-09-18 23:35 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Hello again!

(Anonymous) - 2012-09-18 23:41 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Hello again!

(Anonymous) - 2012-09-18 23:42 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Hello again!

(Anonymous) - 2012-09-19 00:10 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Hello again!

(Anonymous) - 2012-09-19 00:02 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Hello again!

carma-bee.livejournal.com - 2012-09-19 00:07 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Hello again!

(Anonymous) - 2012-09-19 00:10 (UTC) - Expand

I'm still looking for a better job with no luck. I have until December to become self-supporting and I'm getting scared here.

Today in particular I seem to be getting sick, and I am out of food and need to go to the grocery store which is a pain in the ass without a car.

But! Someone found some fic I wrote in a new-to-me fandom and loved it, so today has not been all bad. In fact that made me feel so much better I'm probably going to walk to the grocery store.

(I can sympathize with your complaint. I'm constantly getting different bosses telling me to do different things at my job. It's like, who do I listen to? The biggest boss? The smartest boss? The loudest boss?)

Ugh, I'm sorry OP. Is there some way you can set up mandatory status reports or something?

If it helps, my school really sucks at communicating too. Yesterday was the day loans were dispersed so I went to pay my tuition... to find my loan had disappeared.

Cue freakout.

So the financial office is closed and I'm getting all my documentation together to make sure I accepted the loan and blah, blah, blah. Then I find, oh no, my loan hasn't just disappeared. It's mysteriously been declined when just the day before it was fine. (Btw, this loan was supposed to be for the whole year. I have no way of paying my tuition without it.) So I called my loan people and they said my school had done it. Then I see I have a grant listed that isn't actually giving me any money and I'm sure I didn't have before and they had already told me there was no more money so WTF. Also, after checking its specs I know I don't qualify for it. So I tell myself I'll talk to them when they open tomorrow.

Cue me checking today and two of my own current account statements don't match each other.

WTF. One is the price from before telling me to pay three times my normal amount and the other is half my normal amount. So... I have no clue what's going on.

Finally I get into the financial office and they explain. "Oh we got some extra grant money and gave it to you and it's even more than your loan so we canceled that." But what about me not qualifying? "You qualify because we make the rules." So... what up with my account saying I owe two different prices and yesterday it wasn't counting the grant money at all? "Oh, one of them doesn't count grant money and your grant wasn't dispersed until today."

FUUUUUUUU

Best news ever told in the most horrible way. Could I have not had my awesomely happy news with a heart attack?

I'm on vacation! It's nice doing absolutely nothing for days.

Yesterday my boss told me I'm going with her to another state for 2 weeks. I get homesick reaaaaally easily so it makes me anxious thinking about it. It was so bad that I cried in bed last night. But I gotta prove I'm worthy and dependable, and I can't get over my stupid anxiety and fears and I can totally do this!

I hope. :(

Re: Hello again!

(Anonymous) - 2012-09-19 00:27 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Hello again!

(Anonymous) - 2012-09-19 00:33 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Hello again!

rosehiptea - 2012-09-19 00:43 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Hello again!

(Anonymous) - 2012-09-19 00:59 (UTC) - Expand

It's pretty..meh. All of my friends are in school and I'm here working. Plus this one person that I work closely with is a huge dick to me and is a total lazy ass who likes to make me do all of the work. I was so close to complaining to the manager but I wussed because I know it's going to turn into a huge drama. Thankfully, her shift ends today and a nicer lady is working with me tomorrow.

Re: Hello again!

(Anonymous) - 2012-09-19 00:42 (UTC) - Expand

Ugh, communication at my work is the pits too. Somehow we always find out that they want us to do something at five minutes to hometime, and usually on a Friday. ¬.¬

I'm annoyed because I was supposed to have three days this week to work on my current project (cleaning and replacing the broken dividers in the OR room medication trays) but they took yesterday away from me because so far three people have been sick both days this week, so now I'm not going to get finished probably. D:

I hate this not because people get sick (they can't help that), but because we don't have enough staff to cover if even one person is sick, but because we pull together to get shit done (because we can't just not do something when we're responsible for all the meds for the hospital) they refuse to get us help and give us the excuse of "well why do you need help, the work is getting done!", ignoring the fact that we often - especially on weekends - skip lunch and stay late in order to make sure the work gets done.

God, I hate lack of communication. My department manager likes to change the ways she wants everyone to work but doesn't tell anyone.. So I'm following the old process, then get chewed out and berated for not reading her mind.

Also, I'm done with summer. Just got bitten by a mosquito on my eyelid and my eye is swollen shut now.

(Yay, I missed this place!)

Re: Hello again!

elaminator - 2012-09-19 00:53 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Hello again!

kitkatlittlebat - 2012-09-19 01:06 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Hello again!

elaminator - 2012-09-19 01:18 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Hello again!

kitkatlittlebat - 2012-09-19 01:35 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Hello again!

elaminator - 2012-09-19 01:46 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Hello again!

(Anonymous) - 2012-09-19 00:54 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Hello again!

kitkatlittlebat - 2012-09-19 01:07 (UTC) - Expand

Well, I had my fifth electrolysis appointment today so my face feels pretty raw, but it's also really smooth and I haven't needed to shave in two weeks.
Which is actually fucking awesome since I have PCOS just a month and a half ago I was having to shave at least once a day to keep away a hardcore beard/mustache combo. So it's totally worth it. I'm in pain, but way more ecstatic than I am miserable.

My week started off abysmally and it wasn't even for something I did. My mother's been a functioning alcoholic most of her life, but in the last couple of years, since my dad died, she's become... less functional. And yesterday she came home from work having been given notice of a disciplinary hearing, which is basically polite notice that she's going to be fired, short of a miracle. I'm not allowed to speak for her at the hearing. To top it all off, she thinks she's being unfairly persecuted, but she isn't--she doesn't go to work drunk, or drink there, but her short term memory is shot and sometimes she comes home for lunch, passes out (not from drinking, but she's so depressed and malnourished she'd sleep all day if she could) and doesn't go back to finish her day. I try to make sure she's fed and the bills get paid, but she's not so mentally incompetent that I could get power of attorney, even if I was functional enough to handle it, which I'm not. She's too young to qualify for Medicaid and her job doesn't pay into Social Security, but into a fund which she wouldn't actually get if she got fired, only if she quit, and before he died my dad blew through their savings. Basically, if and when she gets fired I expect she'll drink herself to death in short order, because she has few friends, no family to speak of but me, and no interests or hobbies to distract her. Short of drugging her nightly vodka and dropping her off at an in-patient rehab clinic, I don't know how to help her. The last time she went to the doctor to discuss going to rehab, I made the appointment for her and took her there, but she refused to go to any followups.

I'm actually doing pretty good, strangely enough. This summer sucked royally. I just graduated in May, and felt like I tripped out of the starting gate. I'm living back at home, could not find a job, was half way across the country from all of my friends, and just getting frustrated all the time.

But you know what? That ended. I now have both a job and an internship, both of which I enjoy. The job is cashiering at a big retail store, but it's fun in a weird way, I'm getting good hours and good pay, and I'm actually really good at it (all those years of mom making me pack groceries paid off).

The internship is basically just an unpaid office job, but with an organization I feel very strongly about. I get to feel like I'm doing something without having to donate money.

So there are still some downsides. I mostly see my friends only online. I still have to learn to drive, strangely enough (college in a place with a great bus system let me put it off for four extra years). But I feel like I'm accomplishing things. And since my goal is to live at home for a year, save up money, and split an apartment with a friend who's going to NYU, the future is looking pretty good.

Let's hope I didn't just jinx it all with this post.

I'm pretty much lonely at work because I'm the only person-in-duty for the day so I'm doing some productive things, like repairing computers. And there's a printer that needs extra care (or if my mood is bad: a throw from the window) because the cyan ink line doesn't work properly (it uses continuous ink system). Hoping to get at least one done by this evening or there's no cash for the day.

Yeah, economy sucks these days. :(

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