[ SECRET POST #2088 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2088 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 021 secrets from Secret Submission Post #298.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

14. http://i48.tinypic.com/2vw6yp3.png

[(Anonymous)]

It's probably not you so much.

Most fandoms are cliquey and snobby. Doesn't matter whether you tiptoe in and gradually become involved, or barge in swinging a Big Pink Sword. If you weren't there on the day that Fate decided who was in and who wasn't, you're screwed.

[tabaqui]

Um - what?
Not in my experience.

[sultani]

uhh in my experience what anon said holds true. Not everyone's experiences are the same, perhaps you're a lucky one or a detached one.

[insanenoodlyguy]

if online is that hard for you, you've got some cripplingly bad social anxiety. You might want to get professional help.

Also, you already have a secret up. Good a place to talk to somebody as any!

I'm sure I'm not the only one who'd respond back!

[(Anonymous)]

Online is typically that bad for me, and not because I have social anxiety. I don't really have any social anxiety at all. It's just that my social skills are so fucked that I'm unsuccessful even online, beyond short comments like this. :/

[insanenoodlyguy]

This would remain, I think, a safe place to experiment though. You are an anon. If you manage to screw up somehow, you can still be an anon.

You proved able to speak up once... just keep doing so! This community is full of varied people, so you'll probably get some flak sooner or later, but I think you might find some more positive interactions as well.

Baby steps and all that! If absolute worst comes to worst, you can always ask people why they are pissed off. Some will actually love to tell you!

[(Anonymous)]

um, I have good friends IRL, I don't have problems talking to anyone I can interact face to face, but I have no internet friends and I can never seem to be able to join fandom. I can't talk to people because they never talk back. Yeah.

[insanenoodlyguy]

You gotta come up with something to say!

Remember, this is a large message board not about you. If you make a comment, that one comment may or may never be responded to.

Heck, look at this day's secrets. I was the first post on some of these, and they don't all get replied to, even though they are thus some of the most seen posts for the day!

The key is to just talk in a lot of places, about whatever you want to talk about (don't force it though). You'll get responses eventually. Then you build on that.

[anonymouslyyours]

I sympathize so much. I rely a lot on body language when interacting with people which you can't really do online. People in fandom also come from such varied backgrounds and cultures it's always hard to tell how your jokes or opinions will be perceived.

Whenever I see a comment notification in my inbox tab I get this nauseated thrill. *please, please don't be telling me what a stupid thing I said*

Even here, using an anonymous sock, more often than not I'll abandon typing a comment halfway through because I start to overthink it. Of course that means my off-the-cuff, adrenaline rush, one liners make it through more often so I'm still making a pretty terrible impression. X(

[elaminator]

That nauseated thrill happens to me too. I'm sure there are plenty of us that feel that way; probably lurkers too.

Even here, using an anonymous sock, more often than not I'll abandon typing a comment halfway through because I start to overthink it.

Are you me? Jesus, I've typed a paragraph or two before then over-thought how everyone would perceive it and deleted the entire thing.

The best I can suggest to OP is just to be yourself and have fun, and if no one notices you it probably isn't your fault. Fandom is a fickle mistress and as far as I can tell, there's no formula to being popular or making friends; it's a game of luck, though of course you do have to make some effort.

[fickletastictot]

*nervous laugh* I'm like this too. Either I come across as over enthusiastic or not invested enough. BUT! I may have been too dense to create a sock account here. Womp womp~

I get a bit nervous when I get notifications too. And then I get nervous about replying, or if I should be replying!

[ecoerrante]

I can totally relate. This *is* my actual username [for lj/dw anyways], but I've got a couple of socks that I use from time to time when I'm feeling particularly nervous, or I go anon [for dw].

Even when I know it's something I won't get jumped on for, I *still* worry that I'm about to be flamed.

[hornpile]

I'm sorry op. =[ It can be hard to put yourself out there. But if you keep posting stuff for your fandom, you may well find a friend or two! It's always worth a shot to just talk to random people- you could just have a discussion and then go your separate ways never to speak to each other again (nothing wrong with that), or actually make a friend. And if anyone is rude or dislikes you, just ignore them because you don't have to give a shit about them.

...I should take my own advice, lmao

[silverau]

I'm sorry. :( I hope you can make some good fandom friends someday! Don't give up!

[littlestbirds]

Once when I was younger I left feedback on one of my favourite fanfics and when I got a long and delighted response I was so freaked out I didn't open the email for like six months. YANA. I've kind of accepted that staying in the background is what I do IRL, so there's no reason I should suddenly be super-charismatic and talkative on the internet.
And also- you're already writing and drawing stuff for the fandom? You're in the conversation! You're definitely setting up Joining Fandom as some kind of ideal that you can never reach, when in reality everyone does fandom differently and there are plenty of people enjoying themselves who mostly make things and aren't part of the inner clique/chat/comm or whatever.

Ack, I can't believe I wrote so much >.>

[al28894]

You remind me of myself when I first started to involve myself in fandom. I can easily remember how I felt when I received my first flame for a comment. You don't have to dip yourself fully into fandom convos if you want to get involved. Start by saying 'thank you' if someone liked your work, or search for some interests that you and your friends have in common. It might not be much, but tis a start.

[manifold]

I wish I had some useful advice to give you, OP, but honestly? I'm all HUMAN BEINGS, HOW DO THEY WORK most of the time anyway. At least online everyone else also has the no-body-language no-facial-expressions no-tone-of-voice handicap!

Basically I'm saying that if people come across well to each other in this purely textual medium where you can't even tell if the person you're talking to has showered recently, it's kind of a miracle. A miracle that can work for you! Maybe! I am clearly not an expert!

[segnung]

I can relate, OP. I really can.

[(Anonymous)]

I would suggest getting involved in fandom places such as forums where its not a one-on-one conversation as much as it is an open discussion.

[(Anonymous)]

Posting your work is already a great start! Giving and receiving comments on those is plenty fun, and generally low stress.

I wouldn't worry too much about 'starting' conversations. The best ones tend to happen because people simply have something to say. Sometimes, there's just nothing to say, and you shouldn't feel bad about it. But if you do want to speak, go for it! Often times, it won't lead to anything, which is again, okay. Other times, you'll start some really fun dialog. Sometimes, it won't go so well, but usually those situations can just be walked away from. Find a happy place and just let it roll off: plenty of other places to try or people to meet.

Also: don't take it too seriously. One action's not going to make or break you, so you'll have time to steer.

If you're still nervous, try to scope an area out before joining in. Get a feel for the vibe and how interactions play out normally. If it seems like a cool place: rock on! If not: roll on!

[nyxelestia]

*solidarity fistbump*

I know how you feel, OP. I try to talk in fandom, but then you miss a single comment, say one thing wrong, ect and people suddenly don't like you. *hugs*

I guess I'd just say keep trying. It sucks having to talk and interact in such a way, but if people dislike at least they notice you, which is better than just being lonely, and most people are pretty nice, anyway. :)

[(Anonymous)]

I have pretty bad social anxiety online and in real life. (And yes, before anyone asks, I am in therapy, thanks.) So for years I just sort of... lurked everywhere. And it was kinda lonely.

Then I discovered anonmemes (quite recently! So I'm still all a-gaga about them). Now I can finally participate in discussion and be a part of fannish community without the constant worry that my anxiety gives me whenever I'm in namespace. No, I'll never build up a following, but if I want to talk about my fandom? For the first time, I can.

I really like fail_fandomanon. Maybe check it out, OP?

[(Anonymous)]

I've been on the edge of fandom for years and while I already know all the ways in, I avoid them because I can't handle the inevitable bumps in the road. Preventing any and all fuck ups is my biggest priority. I've never been involved in serious wank or made an enemy or had an awkward falling out or even had a flame review, if anyone dislikes me they feel no need to let me know, I've kept baggage to a bare minimum. I keep trading potential friends for safety. I hope you eventually do better than I have, OP, and if you do, I hope it's worth it.

[krait]

We probably don't have any fandoms in common, but if we do, feel free to add me/drop by and use me as your guinea pig!

It took me a long time to be able to "jump in" to fandom without feeling inept or awkward or stupid. I still feel hideously awkward when I'm trying to talk to or about something I respect intensely! (I read a fic four times in the last two days, it was so good, and every single time I went in saying 'this time I'll comment' and by the end I was just too blown away and certain that I couldn't say anything that would convey my feelings adequately! I had to fling a comment at her on her personal DW in a post that barely mentioned the fic.)

You can do it, though; it takes time and effort, and yes, sometimes maybe painful errors, but the great thing about the internet and fandom is that we're pretty forgiving if you apologise! (And, y'know, last-ditch effort, you can always be anon or change pseudonyms if you humiliate yourself.)