Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2012-09-20 07:02 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2012-09-20 07:02 pm
[ SECRET POST #2088 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2088 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 021 secrets from Secret Submission Post #298.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: Help please? I don't even know what to call this.
Therapy helped me, for one. But it takes a lot of time and effort to find someone who is really helpful, and what works for each person is really individual.
Beyond that, what worked for me was to stop caring about whether I was like other people, and ask myself honestly whether I liked myself.
In the beginning my answer was often "no." Then I'd ask myself what people I would like or admire would do, and ask myself if I could do those things. Some of them didn't fit, but some did. Some I could adapt to someone as "weird" or "different" as me.
And the thing is, when I started doing those things... I started noticing that I admired me a little bit more.
It sounds to me like you're attracted to the military because you want to be pushed to be your best. I relate to that a lot. But maybe it means the military is for you, or maybe it just means you want to feel motivation to better yourself, and you need to find what that is.
What worked for me is what I said above. But only you know yourself.
I don't know if I'm making any sense at all here, anon, but -- just know one thing. Yes, surviving makes you feel tougher -- because you know you've lived through stuff. Yes, it makes you feel weird -- because you don't know if other people understand what that's like.
But you don't have to always feel cursed or separated from others. Maybe you'll always feel different. I still do. But being different doesn't have to hurt.
OP
(Anonymous) 2012-09-21 04:04 am (UTC)(link)And thank you. Thank you very much, because this honestly makes so much sense. Right now I feel like I'm medicating myself with "normal" life. Trying to follow a strict regimen and force it down so that I can get used to it.
But if I look at it, I quietly scoff at myself. This isn't what I want to be doing, and I feel like... I feel like I'm dying. Everything is washing out, and there's nothing in front of me, and all I have are intense, dark slashes behind me that I'm trying to paint over with the more subdued, safe colors. Oh god this is sounding so retarded, but it's all I can think of to articulate it.
Thank you for saying something. It does help to know that... it's okay to be different. And that it's okay to want to keep fighting.
Thank you for saying that I may feel alone, but I don't have to be lonely.
Re: OP
Sometimes we have to be "normal" to get along. But I don't think we should ever have to mimic it so intensely we feel we're not living authentically.