[ SECRET POST #2095 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2095 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 020 secrets from Secret Submission Post #299.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: OP here

[anonymouslyyours]

I still haven't worked out all the reasons for my reaction, most of what I have figured out so far are pretty strange and are internalized from my childhood. I'm not actually embarrassed by my work on an objective, logical level. I do still write well-received fills for kinkmemes because I do enjoy the writing, the feedback, and giving other people enjoyment.

I actually made this secret because I'm working on something for biohazardgirl and as much as I'm loving what I'm doing I'm also ill with the thought of posting it under even this sock account. I've been feeling a little off all week just thinking about it and was kind of hoping something I read here or just getting it off my chest would help.

It kind of worked? I'm a little surprised I copped to the secret but doing so made me accept that this is a part of my behavior and acknowledging a problem always helps me deal with it.

Re: OP here

[insanenoodlyguy]

Well, if you can write for yourself, you can post a secret for yourself! Good that it helped then.

I WILL REC THE SHIT OUT OF IT IF IT'S NOT HORRIBLE.

There. Your fear is being realized! Now you can own it. Or run away screaming.

Then again... Most of the people who like me on here are the people who'd read it anyway, so that might not be a good shock-therapy threat.

Re: OP here

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I'd guess part of the problem is that it being objectively recognised as "good" and becoming popular contradicts some "rule" about yourself that you internalised in childhood? And breaking these rules always makes us anxious, because we think bad things will happen, or we'll be cast adrift with no map.

It's okay: I do understand. But once you recognise what the rule is, you can start analysing it, see who made you think it was true, see the evidence in your life that contradicts it, and slowly start pushing yourself to deliberately break the rule and see that nothing bad happens. Or that even the bad things that do happen at not catastrophic, and you can cope with them.

But be gentle with yourself. Keep pushing to break rules, but don't beat yourself up over them, and give yourself little rewards (like doing something cosy and relaxing) for your work, because it will make you anxious at first.