[ SECRET POST #2106 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2106 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


__________________________________________________



02.


__________________________________________________



03.


__________________________________________________



04.


__________________________________________________



05.


__________________________________________________



06.


__________________________________________________



07.


__________________________________________________



08.


__________________________________________________



09.


__________________________________________________



10.


__________________________________________________



11.


__________________________________________________



12.


__________________________________________________



13.


__________________________________________________



14.


__________________________________________________



15.


__________________________________________________



16.


__________________________________________________



17.


__________________________________________________



18.


__________________________________________________



19.


__________________________________________________



20.


__________________________________________________














Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 085 secrets from Secret Submission Post #301.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - way too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - secret posted as text ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

(frozen comment)

[becka]

OP, even if five years from now, many of the people you know who ID as asexual right now ID as something else, it is STILL not your job to question that for them. The internet is a great place to figure things out and work through stuff and clarify things about your identity, and that is a GOOD THING. Even when it involves people trying on identities that turn out not to fit. I would much rather believe and support too many people than too few.

There was a girl I went to college with who identified as gay until she found out asexuality existed, and she came to a meeting of the college LGBT group to come out as ace and ask for support. Several people were assholes about it, and said that she shouldn't bother labeling herself as anything until she was sure she wouldn't "change her mind again". A bunch of us called bullshit (on the people being assholes), but the girl, who was an incredibly sweet person, never came back to the group, which she'd been a part of for two years. It was a shitty thing to do to a really nice person IRL, and it's a shitty thing to do on the internet.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

Your story reminds me of myself haha

Found out I was actually a homoromantic ace, got shit for it, never bothered going back.

sigh

(frozen comment)

[becka]

I'm really sorry that happened to you, anon. It shouldn't be a common story. :(

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

There are RL professionals out there to help with these sorts of things. Sorry, but if you want support and diagnosis from the internet then you're digging in the wrong place.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

but why would you need a professional to help you sort out your own sexual identity? I mean, I know it happens, but most people I know who aren't straight figured that out without professionals and some did use the internet.

or did I read something wrong hm

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT

Well, professionals are good at classifying and clarifying things. If you want a label for "dates boys but is only sexually attracted to ladies dressed as santa," you're going to have to consult somebody, because the terms don't come out of nowhere. Professionals are experts in what they do, or should be--they're more reliable sources of information than random people on the internet, even for personal issues.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

Lotta people out their figure out their own sexuality without the help of "professionals".

(frozen comment)

[becka]

First off, no one said anything about "diagnosis" because your sexuality is not a medical condition (do you think people get diagnosed gay??). Second, support from a peer group is NOT the same thing as support from a therapist, and plenty of people need both. Especially when a lot of therapists still don't know anything about asexuality.

(frozen comment)

[kathkin]

Yep, this - I identified as pansexual for a couple of years before I figured out I was gay and I don't consider my pansexual identity during that period to be invalid. I wasn't mistaken or confused, I just felt pansexual. If somebody feels asexual the fact that they might feel differently in a few years doesn't change how they feel right now.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

well

'coming out' as ace is kind of a bullshit thing to bother doing, but that is kind of a mean way to go about letting her know she's being appropriative

(frozen comment)

[tyger66]

"appropriative?"

How is coming out as someone whose sexual orientation is something other than cis appropriative? People "come out" as bisexual. Are they being appropriative? At what point on the sexual orientation scale is 'coming out' not an acceptable term?

Please explain your reasoning, because I am legitimately confused here. Give me a reason other than 'well asexuality isn't actually a sexuality,' and I will examine it rationally, I promise.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

"Mom, Dad, I'm sleeping with members of my own sex."
"Off to bible camp with you, sinner."

"Mom, Dad, I'm not sleeping with anyone."
"That's nice, dear. Tea?"

(frozen comment)

[tyger66]

"Mom, Dad, I don't want to sleep with anyone ever."

"What's wrong with you?"
"Were you abused?"
"You just haven't met the right person."
"It's just a phase. You'll grow out of it."
"That's nice, but don't you want a family?"
"How is he your boyfriend if you aren't having sex? Isn't he just your friend, then?"
"Maybe you should talk to your counselor about this. She might be able to fix you."

Just a small selection of the things I've been told in my life. If my parents were the religious sort, I probably would have been shipped off to Bible camp.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

A lot of the same issues as lesbians then, because women who don't want to fuck/marry men are labelled deviant for this reason.

(frozen comment)

[cherrycoloured.livejournal.com]

Um, asexual people can be cis (as can gay/bi/pan people), so I don't know what you mean?

I don't really understand the point of coming out as asexual outside of a dating/romantic relationship context though. I don't need to know what the sex drives of other people are unless I want to have sex with them, and if I do want to pursue a sexual/romantic relationship with them, I'd just ask myself.

(frozen comment)

[tyger66]

SHIT I TOTALLY USED THE WRONG WORD

I meant to type straight, and for some reason I typed cis instead. Pretty much a case of straight up forgetting what I was typing halfway through a phrase, I guess. Sorry about that.

>.<

Well, some people might like to let others know from the get go that while they date, they don't have sexual relationships. Like, I tell people because sometimes I feel like maybe I accidentally send the wrong signals? It's hard to explain once you're already on a date that the night is not going to end in a passionate makeout.

(frozen comment)

[becka]

She was publicly announcing a change in the way she identified. I don't remember if she used the words "coming out", but given that she was part of the group, I don't think it is appropriative for her to tell us about that change. (I do understand the issues around asexuals "coming out", particularly when they are heteroromantic, but I don't think it's the issue here.)

(frozen comment)

[tyger66]

WAS THAT GIRL ME? because that sounds exactly like my experience with an LGBT group at my old college.

(frozen comment)

[becka]

This was in like, 2004-2005, so if you were in college then, maybe!

(frozen comment)

[tyger66]

Ha, no. I started college in 2010, so that was while I was still in middle school. Good to know things definitely aren't improving on that front, though.

(frozen comment)

[becka]

Yeah, that's just depressing. I'm sorry that happened to you. :(

(frozen comment)

[tyger66]

Yeah, it blows. Honestly though, I understand where they come from, so I'm not mad at them and I don't hold a grudge, it's just that I don't want to be somewhere where I know the people don't like me or don't like how I am.

Really, the only time I actually get mad is when people respond with "What, you like split into two like an amoeba or something?" because obviously it's a joke because NOBODY HAS EVER HEARD OF ASEXUALITY IN REAL LIFE.

>:(