[ SECRET POST #2106 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2106 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


__________________________________________________



02.


__________________________________________________



03.


__________________________________________________



04.


__________________________________________________



05.


__________________________________________________



06.


__________________________________________________



07.


__________________________________________________



08.


__________________________________________________



09.


__________________________________________________



10.


__________________________________________________



11.


__________________________________________________



12.


__________________________________________________



13.


__________________________________________________



14.


__________________________________________________



15.


__________________________________________________



16.


__________________________________________________



17.


__________________________________________________



18.


__________________________________________________



19.


__________________________________________________



20.


__________________________________________________














Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 085 secrets from Secret Submission Post #301.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - way too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - secret posted as text ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[(Anonymous)]

Sorry, friends, I've just got to get this off my chest.

I enjoy reading smut from time to time (don't we all?). Some of it is fanfic; some of it is original. On the original side of things, I enjoy reading BDSM stories because, well, I really dig it.

But there's this scene that keeps popping up in story after story after story, and it's starting to annoy the crap out of me. First time I read it, it was hot, but now it's just like, "oh, you're doing THAT again? THE FUCK?!"

See, a lot of authors like to have scene where the couple is in a car, going to the Place Where Sexitimes Will Happen. The male dom is driving, and at some point he will ask the female sub, who is in the passenger seat (obvs), to remove an article of clothing. She will protest, "oh, but people will see me!" And he will say, "do not disobey or I will punish you," or something along those lines. So she will remove the article of clothing, but not do it quickly enough, or slouch in the seat, or try to cover herself up. As punishment, he will make her remove another article of clothing, or spread her legs, or start touching herself. Naturally, they will pass another car or series of cars and people will stare at the female. I read one today where she was completely naked and the dom was keeping pace with a trucker so that the trucker could watch her masturbate.

And I'm like...okay. I understand people get off to exhibitionism. That's cool. And exhibitionism is often a part of the whole BDSM thing. That's also cool. But a) I'm sick of reading this same scene over and over again in different stories, particularly since it's now to the point where lazy writers are obviously just copying shit, and b) if someone's buck naked in a car in public, then they're liable to get arrested. It's unrealistic, dammit. So now I'm definitely at the point where, the next time I see it, I'm gonna be like, "fuck you, I'm outta here." *close window*

PHEW. That feels better.

BUT TELL ME, FRIENDS. What tropes/cliches get on your last nerve?

Re: A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[(Anonymous)]

Are these by any chance self-published ebooks? Because a lot of those authors seem to just be pushing out the same old stuff that sells more. /not that I've been lurking in their forums or anything.

Also, when I read "do not disobey or I will punish you," I heard it in a really silly voice.

Re: A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[pantswarrior]

Sailor Moon voice? Because the first thing I thought was "In the name of the moon..." XD

Re: A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[(Anonymous)]

NO LOL it was more like, a woman's voice reading to her kids and doing a deep scary man voice but omg ty for the mental imagery

Re: A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[biohazardgirl]

Character A had never had butt sex before but then Character B lubed up one finger and then two and slipped both of them in and in ten seconds flat Character A was suddenly wide open as a cave and Character B stuck their dick in and much fun was had by all.

Re: A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[(Anonymous)]

Probably not a trope but... you can't use honey for lube, or jam, or tree sap, or marmite. And spit on dick with no fingering or any other prep isn't gonna cut it for first time anal... unless you ARE going for the "ow my butt hurts SO FUCKING MUCH" kind of buttsex.

Re: A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[biohazardgirl]

Ugh I'll raise you one. Those are bad, but one time I read one where the characters had sex using makeshift lube that was actually melted seal blubber.

Re: A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[elaminator]

melted seal blubber?! What fandom was this?! What was the circumstance? That is random as all hell. And hilarious. Hilariously disturbing, actually.

Re: A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[biohazardgirl]

Sherlock fandom and it was this fic where they were stranded on a desert island or something?

Anyway apparently neither Sherlock nor John had ever heard of non penetrative sex because they decided that the best option was seal oil made from seal blubber. And with that they lubricated their anuses. Multiple times.

I'm laughing because I just realized that it was doubtful that the author didn't know that was weird and gross, but that she chose that scenario based upon the fact that she most likely thought her readers would prefer to read penetrative SEAL OIL sex over 'vanilla' frottage.

The Sherlock fandom is so fucking weird.

Re: A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[elaminator]

As soon as I read 'Sherlock fandom', this whole thing became much clearer. Melted seal blubber is probably not even the weirdest thing that fandom has used as lube. Well, okay, maybe it is, but I'm sure there's something else in the vicinity of melted seal blubber because again, Sherlock fandom.

Re: A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[biohazardgirl]

LOL yeah, Sherlock fandom is self explanatory. . .

They get bored and their series is full of fairly normal things so they do what they can and they get fucking WEIRD.

I have seen things, elaminator. . .

Re: A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[elaminator]

Is one of those things you saw the fic where Sherlock put his semen in jam and feeds it to John? That's the first thing that came to mind.

Re: A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[biohazardgirl]

Ew that's gross why am I not surprised.

I read one where the both of them had sex with a cake.

Fanfiction friday introduced me to the one wherein Sherlock's ass literally becomes more of a haven for vegetables than a vegetable crisper.

There's one where John shrinks down to miniature size and Sherlock dub cons him penetratively with a cotton swab. That one took some brain bleach.

There's one where John gets turned on by My Little Pony and he and Sherlock do gen 4 pony play. I think the first paragraph into that my eyeballs bled into my mouth.

Many other things I'm sure. I have read hundreds of Sherlock fanfictions.

Re: A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[(Anonymous)]

don't forget the tentacle!sherlock and dissection fics yo

Re: A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[anonymouslyyours]

Damn. I was convinced it would be Due South and I kinda gasped.

I love that show but was too late to participate in the fandom. :(

Re: A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[biohazardgirl]

:D :D :D We were just talking about you down thread. Glad to see you awake for the subject of weird porn.

Edit: uh, upthread. I had no clue in the thread where it was.

Re: A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[anonymouslyyours]

It's kinda starting to bother me how unphased I am by weirdness anymore. Except every so often the most innocuous thing will set me off.

The other day I was skimming a Zeus/Hades dub-con thing on AO3... not really sure why but I bust out laughing and quit reading when Zeus said something like "I'm going to tear your pants off".

Re: A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[biohazardgirl]

It's not pairings that weird me out so much as weird acts but I am also starting to not really be surprised anymore.

Re: A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[(Anonymous)]

It sounds out of character, that's what. It's too modern!

Have you read Priapus? I linked to it yesterday in the nsfw gifs thread and the Priapus version of Zeus saying that is ROFL-worthy.

Re: A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[(Anonymous)]

OH HAI UR HERE *snuggles*

Re: A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[anonymouslyyours]

HAI!

Re: A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[(Anonymous)]

at least the melted seal blubber is fat

jam, biohazrdgrl, JAM


*cries*

Re: A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[biohazardgirl]

I didn't even mention the jam because it's far too common to be an anomaly in that fandom.

*cries*

Re: A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[(Anonymous)]

How can you "make" someone do anything when you're driving? Threaten to crash the car? I'd be like "Fuck you, dude, you can't do shit without stopping the car, at which point I can just get out and run off some place where you can't drive!"

The one that really bugs me, though, is when there is no mention of anyone having to stop and remove their shoes before sex, but the shoes still somehow make it off, anyway. People just "toe them off" or else that whole part of the process is simply glossed over. It's like the romance novel scene at the beginning of Romancing the Stone where the hero and heroine just kind of "float" up into the horse's saddle.

Re: A TROPE THING OF SMUT

[caecilia]

Haha, that made me think of this: http://youtu.be/WGOohBytKTU

Now I'm naked except for my socks

and you know when I’m down to just my socks

what time it is