fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2114 ]

[ SECRET POST #2114 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2114 ⌋

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A sub thread in the once upon a time secret yesterday reminded me of something I've been kind of curious about. Are there any books/movies/shows/whatever where an adopted person's biological family comes looking for them, and they're just "hi?" and not particularly happy about it, because they already have a real family, thank you very much?

I'm adopted myself, never met my biological family (unless you count being born as "meeting"), so that's about what my reaction would be. I understand why in fiction adoption is pretty much always A Thing, but I'm curious if there are any fictional representations of someone like me.

I don't think I've ever seen a representation of the family looking for the person who was adopted, it's always been the other way around. In fact, as I understood it, the biological mother/family isn't able to contact the child, the most they can do is keep their details up to date with the appropriate agencies and hope the child tries to find them.

I think I've read a few true stories of biological parents looking for their kids but they rarely make contact. The ones the media report are usually adoptees finding their birth parents who had to give them up because of teen pregnancy/financial reasons and the tearful reunion that follows. There are a few stories about siblings finding each other and surprise, you're a twin reunion stories.

There's one story of a man from India who fell asleep on a train ride and got separated from his older brother who fell sick and was moved off the train. Then he was adopted to Australia because nobody at the place where he arrived spoke his language or knew where he was from. A few years ago, he finally found his village and went back to India to visit his biological family. His mother is not happy with him because she wants him close to her. She doesn't want to loose him again. He doesn't want to move to India because he already has a life and family in Australia. I think he compromised by sending money to his mother regularly, but the mother is still not very happy with the arrangement.

I'm adopted and I know what you're talking about.

I don't have specifically what you're asking for but I do know the manga Kodomo No Omocha, the main character's birth mother, who was unknown, comes forward when requested to. The main character's reaction is of curiosity at first and then kinda "meh".

I, personally, liked the movie Meet the Robinsons. Because the main character starts looking for his birth mom but ends up finding the people who will be his real family. (Not biological.) But, again, it's not exactly what you're looking for.

On TV Tropes they have the trope Happily Adopted. You may find something you'd like there.

Edited 2012-10-17 02:15 (UTC)

Seconding the Kodocha rec. First thing I thought of.

Also, there was this book I read... it was almost ten years ago so I might be a little off on the details, but it was called Searching for Selene by Lael Littke and it's about an adopted girl whose biological family goes looking for her and she doesn't want anything to do with them at first, but then she finds out she was kidnapped by a fake adoption agency instead of actually being given up for adoption so she agrees to go meet her biological family, and there's something of a cultural conflict and stuff.

...Man, it kinda makes me sad how many few examples of this I can think of. There needs to be more happy adoption stories in the media...

...Man, it kinda makes me sad how many few examples of this I can think of. There needs to be more happy adoption stories in the media...

I wish this too but I've found when talking with people there still seems to be this... barrier in thinking about adopted children. For example, a lot of the time when people find out I'm adopted they immediately ask if I've met my "real" parents. As if the people who raised me are "fakes". Then when I say I don't care to their next question is almost always why, as if the thought of me not wanting to meet a random stranger is a ludicrous decision.

*Shrug* Wikipedia has this to say about it.

So... I'm not really surprised.

OP here: Man, do I *hate* that reaction (which was part of why I was curious if the opposite existed anywhere in fiction) My parents are awesome people, and the fact that we don't share DNA has nothing to do with anything.

At least most of my friends who've found out lately have just been "Wait, your adopted?!?!" and then just asked if I knew anything about my birth parents, and were just "oh, okay" when I said no.

Exactly. I just don't understand how what vagina I came out of has any effect on the bond with my parents. I don't understand how DNA has anything to do with who walked me to my first day of school, who took care of me when I was sick, who taught me right from wrong. It doesn't and it never will. I don't even understand how people can be confused by it because when non-adopted people think of their own parents do their really think of the blood relation first? Do they really think of the shared DNA? Because holy crap that just sounds really depressing to me. Because the first thing I think of is the people who love me.

My friends are the same, pretty much exactly the same. It's nice when they don't make a whole bunch of assumptions about it.

Since you're adopted I have a question for you. Have you ever had people try to pressure you into meeting your birth parents? Like, seriously try to persuade you into doing it because you should, omg? I have and was wondering if it's a common thing.

But yeah, good luck with finding the representation you want in the media. If you find anything you really like, let me know. I'd probably want to try it out too.

NA

I'm not adopted, but I have a lot of step-family. My parents got divorced when I was only a toddler so I've basically known my step-parent and siblings my whole life.

Ugh, you don't know how many time I've had rude people say stuff like, "but they're not your REAL brothers" or something like that. Hell, people say that to my boyfriend about his brothers, and they're just half-siblings! I can't believe there are people out there so obsessed with blood.

I hate anti-adoption morons (I can't believe such a movement exists) and their "it'll never be same as having REAL parents" bullshit. Um, yeah, do they not realize that plenty of kids' biological parents abuse the fucking shit out of them? And the media helps these stupid ideas about adoption if anything (and any step-family too, I've found).

/end-rant

I'm sorry anon. Now that you say that I can easily think of all the negative tropes about step-parents and step-siblings. Half-siblings too. It's really gross.

What makes me feel better is that the people I've encountered I've always felt came from a place of ignorance rather than true malice. But what you're saying totally crosses a line that I doubt ignorance can explain.

I'm sorry though. Here, to make you feel better:

Well there's something a little like that in Eva Ibbotsen's "The Star of Kazan". The main girl is a foundling and she does have a strong changeling fantasy/desire to meet her real parent(s) at first. But when she meets someone who says she's her mother, things wind up much more complicated than she imagined. I won't spoil it because it's a very good book with a lot of surprises, but the people that raised her are definitely presented as her true family.

(On an unrelated note, it's set in early 20th century Vienna; I always feel so bad that all of the protagonist's peers would be just the right age a few years after the novel's end to go off and die in WWI and the flu epidemic. Especially her mother's preteen son who is sent to military school even though he'd rather be an artist. Major historical downer there, even though it's never mentioned in the novel.)

Isn't that what happens with Eppie in "Silas Marner"? She's abandoned by her father, adopted by Silas, and when her dad tries to claim her again as a young adult, she makes it clear that Silas is her true father?

...That's what happened in the Wishbone version, at least. The novel, while a classic, is dull as hell and I only got halfway through it.

How dare you?! It's not dull: it's kidfic written in an amusingly dry fashion.

Although if you're less comfortable slipping into older Englishes, I could see it being hard work.

And yeah: happy adoption. But I would warn the OP not to assume anything about how they would react if they met their biological parents. Having a strong emotional reaction to seeing them wouldn't be any sort of negative comment on your parents who raised you, it wouldn't be a betrayal or indicate that you didn't love them, nor would it mean they failed in any way or that your bond with them was weaker.

All it would mean is that seeing people who are related to you for the first time can be emotional, that seeing people who gave you up can be emotional, that there are interesting things you'll have in common with blood relatives that you don't have in common with non-blood relatives who shaped your whole life, which is weird but not a bad thing.

I know someone who was adopted as a baby, who had no interest in her biological family until she gave birth. Seeing that baby, she realised this was the first person she had ever met who was a blood relative, and that suddenly seemed surprisingly deep and important. It also raised questions for her of how someone could give up their baby, now she had felt what she personally felt holding her baby. So she found her biological mother, and now she has decent contact with both her biological and adoptive family.

I'm not saying everyone is like this, or everyone is like that, I'm saying don't set yourself absolute rules for how you expect to behave and feel, and certainly don't link such unpredictable feelings to any sort of reflection on your relationship with your adoptive family.

This is really lame, but I always found Tarzan and his mom to be a really sweet adoption story (in the Disney movie).

I always thought of "You'll Be in My Heart" as a song about adoption.

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[ SECRET POST #2114 ]

Happy adoption in media?

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