fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2143 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2143 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Ariel Winter/Modern Family]

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[Chrono Crusade]

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[Shezow]

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[Desperate Romantics]

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[Rugby union, Brad Barritt / Mouritz Botha]

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[999/Virtue's Last Reward]

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[Fringe]

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[Homestuck]

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[ASoIaF/Jack White]

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[Revenge]

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[Crash Bandicoot]

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[scarlett johansson/ryan reynolds]

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[Marvel Cinematic Universe, Journey Into Mystery 2011]

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[Tokyo Dogs]

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[Fate/stay night]

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[Inazuma Eleven]

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[Avatar: The Last Airbender]

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[Suits]

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[Once Upon a Time]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 043 secrets from Secret Submission Post #306.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ], [ 1 2 - ships it ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hi F!S,

So every year my whole family gets together for Thanksgiving, and at any big family gathering my aunts and uncles usually ask me if I'm seeing anyone. The thing is, I'm not dating anyone right now, which is really bumming me out--I'm actually starting therapy soon to help lift me out of this depressive funk. Anyway, I'm afraid that as soon as someone asks me if I'm dating anyone, I'm going to start to cry, and I *really* don't enjoy crying in front of family. I'm sure that when I answer "no" they're going to say "Well you're better off, boys are too much trouble, etc." And I have no idea how to react when I've been feeling so depressed about being alone.

Any tips on how to cope?

"Not yet but I'm hoping/working on it?"

...Depends on whether you want to make jokes or not. And if you think jokes will be a successful diversion.

Is there a member of the family who could get the word out to others that this is a subject you find irritating and don't want to deal with?

Or you could go with baldfaced lying and say you are but it's very new and you aren't sure if you're serious about this person and you don't want to jinx it or get anyone's hopes up.

Depends on how confortable you are with wire lies... You could tell them you've been too busy and/or there is this dude from work/school/pub you've been talking to lately who seem nice. Which is what I do.

Other than that I have no comfort really, I could start with my usual greeting card pep talks, but those don't really help that much. I am really sorry for you Anon, and hopefully soonish you will feel better!

Remind yourself that just because you aren't with someone now doesn't mean it's impossible or won't ever happen. Find things to be happy about, starting loving yourself more. You aren't alone, you're just waiting for him/her to find you :)

Seconding the "get someone to spread the word" advice. Maybe contact whichever relative is hosting the gathering and telling them a few days beforehand that you'd rather not talk about it. Maybe recruit one of your closer family members to act as your wingman/woman who can help steer conversation away from the topic, or help deflect leading questions.

I've been avoiding my family for over a month now, due to a similar situation (the cause is very different, but the whole "don't want to break down if asked about it" is the same). So my advice is this: Just go. Isolating yourself will only make you feel even worse, and the longer you stay away the harder it will be to make a return.

Good luck, I hope things work out for you.

if all else fails, just brush the subject off with something vague like "it's complicated" or "i dont really want to talk about that." if they keep pushing the subject, just say that they're making you uncomfortable.
that way, you're neither lying, nor are you inviting any kind of sympathy remarks.

Agreeing with several others -- is there someone you could get to advise people it's a bad subject right now?

You could also try doing something like responding to any question about your relationship status with something like "You know what's more interesting than that? Adorable kittens!" and strike off firmly in another conversational direction. That won't work if them bringing it up at all hurts, but it saves you from having to comment.

You have to use the old I Have A Sudden Health Issue trick.

As soon as someone asks you about your romantic life again, you immediately thrust some mashed potatoes toward your eye. Make sure you keep your eye open.

Everyone will be confused. Possibly alarmed. You then start screaming, because hot, buttery, salty mashed potato is now in your eye.

On the trip to the faucet and possibly the emergency room nobody is going to ask you about boyfriends.

Alternate ideas:
1. "I'm gay."
2. "I'm asexual." "What's that?" "FUCK YOU BREEDER IT ISN'T MY JOB TO EDUCATE YOU."
3. "I'm pledged to a convent."
4. "I have a boyfriend." Make him up. He's abusive! He threatens to hit you and thinks your butt is fat and bought you a gimp mask, whatever that is! Everyone will urge you to dump him. When you do dump him they'll understand that you need a lengthy cool off period.
5. "I'm waiting until December 13th just in case"

I feel bad but I laughed at this.

Others have given you good advice on how to respond. I've got nothing to add there. However! A trick I use when I think I'm going to cry and really do not want to is I pinch myself or dig my nails into my arm. It's weird but it works for me. The sudden pain distracts me enough that I can get myself under control. Small and subtle.

Aunt: "So... seeing anyone lately?"
OP: "No... no, I..."
Aunt: "Why are you clawing at your arm?"
OP: "I'm not clawing at my arm."
Aunt: "Yes, you are. You're scratching at your... now you're pinching yourself."
OP: "IT IS SMALL AND SUBTLE."
Aunt: "...I'm going to see if your mother needs help."

CRISIS AVERTED

I know you're trying to be funny, but honestly there are very subtle and small ways to pinch yourself or dig your fingernails in. Nobody will notice.

A small, steadily increasing facial tic might work as well.

[ SECRET POST #2143 ]

Thanksgiving conversations

Re: Thanksgiving conversations

Re: Thanksgiving conversations

Re: Thanksgiving conversations

Re: Thanksgiving conversations

Re: Thanksgiving conversations

Re: Thanksgiving conversations

Re: Thanksgiving conversations

Re: Thanksgiving conversations

Re: Thanksgiving conversations

Re: Thanksgiving conversations

Re: Thanksgiving conversations

Re: Thanksgiving conversations

Re: Thanksgiving conversations