fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2150 ]

[ SECRET POST #2150 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2150 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 040 secrets from Secret Submission Post #307.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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So...my dad does something that isn't legal. It's nothing like dealing drugs, but if the police were to know about it...yeah, it wouldn't be something they take lightly. I've never really addressed it in my mind until now, when I was handed a huge wad of cash to give to my dad since he's not home. I could just continue to live life acting like I don't know what's going on, but now all I can think about are the possible things that can happen. I can't try to talk him out of it because I know my mom has in the past and nothing's really changed. I come from an old fashioned Asian family as well, so it's kind of like...not in my place to talk to my parents about this. So I feel like I'm stuck with my thoughts.

Anyone have any interesting, funny, or not very pleasant tales of their family's shady stuff? No need for details if you don't want.

Is your dad a pimp or something

I'd say that would be worse than dealing drugs. Far worse. So my guess is no

Honestly, dealing drugs is the LEAST objectionable thing I can think of that would lead to the 'giant wad of cash' thing...

Bootleg video games? No, I guess that would arguably be more objectionable than the "non-hard" drugs.

Wait, I have it -- illegal ticket scalping.

Now that I think about it, that is way true. Pimping, theft, fraud, counterfeiting money, being a hit man...probably none of those are true because they're all pretty major, but I find all of them more disturbing than drug dealing. WAY more.

I have a "I'm not going to turn you in, but don't ever involve me in this shit" conversation with them. This has worked out pretty well for me in the past, provided no one is getting hurt.

Seconded.

This exactly. Do not handle the cash. I can appreciate you don't wnat to rat out family, but that doesn't mean you want to get sucked in.

If you live with dad, you may be considered an accessory if shit goes bad. You might want to look into how to GTFO.

Ignore ignore ignore is pretty much my coping mechanism. :\ Sometimes it works better than other times.

Well, where to start?

My aunt was in jail once because the police found drugs in her flat (belonging to my uncle, but he refused to take ownership of them). She actually escaped from jail. Not because she wanted to (it was like 14 days, because she refused to pay the fine), but because the week before she went in, there was a news paper article about the jail she went to that said it was breakout proof.

Anyway she went to her then boyfriend, who was being threatened by a drug dealer because he owed him money. And the way the get their money is to beat the SO's of whomever owe them money. So she ran to the police station and told them that she had escaped and that they had to bring her back to jail. The police officer called to the jail and got told that she was in her cell (it is worth mentioning at this point that it was the middle of the night) and not missing. So she was sent away.

She then went back to the police station a couple of hours later and told them to double check her cell, because she was definitely herself and she wanted to go back.

In the end she got back to jail and got sent to the jail boss dude, who asked her if she would escape again. My aunt was young and defiant, so she told him that as long as it was possible she would.

She ended up staying in the not finished women's ward, where she hung out with the builders and so on. And apparently the make inmates sent her love letters in Donald Duck magazines. She didn't even have her sentence extended, because she was such a hassle to keep inside and since she hadn't really done anything wrong they didn't see the point.

I also got an uncle (the previously mentioned one) who is constantly in jail for theft and drug dealing. Never violence though. And my mother is in jail for harassment.

I realize typing this out, my life really is a bad soap opera...

And I don't deal with it, I ignore it. And my family keep me out of their less than legal activities for the most part. I do visit them in jail though, and I don't ask where stuff my uncle gives me comes from.

We also tend to joke a lot about the stuff my family members do, like the fact that my uncle was like 9 the first time he stole a car.

We basically are just like the family on Shameless, illegal stuff is okay as long as there is no violence involved.

Edited 2012-11-22 02:06 (UTC)

I don't ask where stuff my uncle gives me comes from.

You probably don't need me telling you this, but that's just not safe. You don't want to have possible connections to illegal activity, or else it could come back to haunt you at the worst time.

I probably should have mentioned that the stuff I've gotten from him are usually candy and so on. And the chance for me getting in trouble for that is quite small.

I would never accept expensive stuff, nor would he give it to me. He'd sell it.

my whole family is poor, so... you gotta do what you gotta do

My extended family on my dad's side is like the epitome of "big dysfunctional successful family", so the way we cope is ignoreignoreignore, lots of transparent lies and excuses that all parties involved know are lies but which function as code for "that's bad/you're in trouble/don't tell me anymore/don't get me involved/okay I'll get involved as long as X", and discuss using carefully-coded casual insinuations that are met with an answering insinuation to show understanding, and ensuing conversations carried out entirely through innuendo. Utterly ridiculous, but actually not at all ineffective.

So far we've managed to pretty successfully help my grandmother deal with massive alcohol problems after my grandfather died, my uncle not admitting to but almost certainly having an affair with a 20-something-year-old while caring for his dying wife and then marrying said 20-year-old a year after her death but not telling anyone for two years, deal with an aunt who had an affair with her psychologist who wound up losing his license, bribe my other aunt's husband's parents to stop doing some undefined black market thing, deal with a cousin who was on heroin and in massive debt as a result, and convince another uncle to end a 10-year marriage to my aunt, who was chronically alcoholic, painkiller-addicted at various times, a kleptomaniac, destroyed his property regularly (at least, pretty much everything he inherited and most gifts his family gave him), and most likely hit him as well.

And we did it all without once talking about any of it openly as a family! Um, high score, I guess? I'm sure some frank and open conversations happen, but if they do they're all one-on-one in secret without planning or anticipation with a gag order on ever openly discussing them with multiple other family members. It sounds more confusing than it is.

I don't talk about my family very much with friends and I don't bring friends home. And when family talks about shady things, I ignoreignoreignore and pretend I didn't hear anything.

There are one or two close friends I share things with, but I tell one of them about issue A and the other one about issue B and so on.

My family is not exactly shady (Ok, that's a lie. Some of us aren't exactly perfect citizens), but by Everything That Is Holy do we keep lot of secrets! My grandparents (both sets of them) have a lot of children and my extended family is so large I sometimes forget some of my relatives' and cousins' names. Given that we all meet each other during religious festivals and group holidays, it was inevitable that we all would hear something or other being whispered around, unintentionally or otherwise.

The usual mantra for this? Ignore. It's their problem, not ours, unless something comes up that involves everybody. I've heard just a bit about everything from my second-cousin's-sister's-husband's-(insert relative here), and as long as my portion of the family isn't involved, I stay out of it. There's just too much drama for me to handle.

Edited 2012-11-22 02:23 (UTC)

I used to think that my family didn't have many skeletons in the closet. A family member or two that had a dumb grudge against us, but that was it.

Then my grandmother died and my Dad told me he had to tell me the "family secret" because information would be coming about it soon. (he does genealogy, and was waiting until my grandmother's death to get the court records for this incident out of respect for her.) Turns out, when my dad was a kid, his mother--the one that had just died--had run off with some guy and took him with her. One night, while he was sleeping on the couch and his mom and her lover were in the other room, his dad--my granddad--came into the house, walked back to the bedroom, and shot the guy and killed him. (I can only hope that my Dad didn't actually see the aftermath, he didn't say.)

My grandfather turned himself in, but because this was Texas and a long time ago the judge decided that my grandfather's actions were reasonable because they were to "protect his family" so he got away with it.

My grandma also had twins soon after this. Dad told me one of the twins actually looks like how he remembered the guy looking. So it's quite possible that one of them isn't actually related to my grandfather, but they don't know about it.

tl;dr--my grandmother was an adulteress, my grandfather was a murderer, and one of my uncles might actually be my father's half-sibling--and his own twins half-sibling--but doesn't know about it.

also echoing the "try not to get involved with your Dad's stuff" thing. You don't want to be an accessory.

Jesus. Wow.

Depends how serious it is.

If it's small I'd tell them not to involve anyone else. Or talk about it.

Anything that endangers the family (including high up in the drugs) I would tell them to leave.

Anything worse than that (rape, murder etc) I'd turn that fucker in. Don't care if it's my Mum or my Grandpa. You broke the law. You're a danger to society. You could do it again to me or my little brothers and sisters. No. Bye.

That probably sounds ridiculously cold. But if they're not going to look out for my siblings then I am.

If they've done their time though. Been reformed. I guess I'd forgive them.

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[ SECRET POST #2150 ]

How do you cope with shady things your family do?

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